Sable going into her bedroom and finding Hesperia lying on whit’s side of the bed.
“Oh Hessy,” Sable whispers.
“It doesn’t smell like him anymore,” Hesperia laments.
“Oh babygirl, here have some tea and let’s talk,” Sable says.
“About what?” She sniffles.
Sable places the tea on the nightstand and sits beside her, “anything you want. We could talk about how much we loved your father. About the times he made us laugh, or cry. Or we could talk about the boy that’s taking you to prom tomorrow.”
“I’m not going,” Hesperia stated.
“Why not?” Sable asked.
“I don’t want to, I’ll just make Raiden miserable.”
“But you were looking forward to it and I’m sure he was as well. Don’t break his heart like that.”
Hesperia scoffed, “why not? Thats what Hawkins women are good at anyway.”
Sable looked away, “I loved your father very dearly.”
“But you still hurt him. And Grandma? She liked Grandpa too but they never got together even after they had you.”
“Your Grandparents were very happy with their decision. They were both very driven people and enjoyed their lives.”
“Yeah but, Grandpa wanted more I could tell. I could see it whenever she wasn’t looking.”
“You’re so perceptive, I wish we’d been able to keep our problems from you.”
“I know. But, I saw it anyway. So why should I get his hopes up. Why should I let him fall in love with me when I’m just going to make him miserable. He’s already getting bullied for liking the freak.”
“You are not a freak.”
“I know that too and I don’t care what people say. They don’t matter to me. But Raiden he sees past the scars. He sees me.”
“You’re beautiful Hesperia.”
Hesperia ducked her head. “Sometimes he even makes me believe that.”
“Then don’t let that go. Don’t hide behind my mistakes, learn from them. Make him happy the way I couldn’t make your father.”
“I’ll think about it.” Hesperia said. For a moment she felt better and then guilt crashed back into her like a tidal wave. She curled in on herself trying to hide a sob..
Sable hugged her eldest daughter close, rocking her gently. “Shh shhh.”
All Hesperia could choke out is “daddy.” They stayed like that until she cried herself to sleep.
Sable lay her daughter down carefully and went down to her seance table. Cleaning the dust and pollen away with a wave of her hand she prepared a ritual she hadn’t touched since the night Whit was attacked.
Me: My soul quakes with horror. I am stricken to the core. Why must we live in such a world as this, where questions are best unanswered, though they echo through the hollowed-out caverns of the mind, seeking a resolution?
So much happened in Oct.for me. Midterms and then conventions and a bit of inktober. Now that I’m getting ready for NaNo. So here’s an update.
Word Count: 1520 (oh sweet jesus sorry for the longness)
Notes: Still my AU. This was partially fueled by my feels from reaching this scene in game. But it got so rambling and Ami’s so confused on her feelings on everything so it may seems like she’s being dumb (and in some respects she is being dumb). And of course my overdramatic ass would squeeze all the drama out of it.
I enjoyed the quiet of Anteros at night. It seemed a peaceful contrast to the bustle of students in the day. Luckily my classes were in the afternoon so I could afford to sleep in a little.
My train of thought was broken by a woman’s scream.
My instincts kicked into gear as I started making my way towards the source. I was ready to help if needed be. It sounded like it was closer to where my dorm was located anyway. Then I heard the scream again. Then a giggle and a contented sigh.
I felt the heat rush to my cheeks at the implications of what I was hearing.
I glanced and saw a couple by one of the walls of the dorm building. I can see that the male had the woman pinned against the wall as he nipped on her bottom lip. While she was returning the gesture in kind. A part of me wondered if they had any decency to find a more private place than outside on university campus. I heard the clinking of a belt buckle and knew I was a viewer for too long. I didn’t want to deal with anyone being mad at me for ruining the mood.
Then I heard the male chuckle.
Wait.
I recognized that chuckle. It was only a few times I had heard it in that particular situation but I knew it well enough. I adjusted my sight to the darkness and soon realized who it was that was with the woman. I felt my heart drop seeing Nathaniel in a compromising position. Seeing him like that brought back all the emotions I thought I got rid of. This was so different from the Nathaniel I knew.
This was different from seeing him in the hallway leaving his latest conquest.
To see him actually in the act, it disgusted me.
I could adapt to his new attitude given time, but not this. I felt my nails in my palms from balling my fists so tight. I shouldn’t have cared about what he does. He’s a grown man and I’m not with him. He could do whatever he wanted.
So why did anger burn in my heart as if I caught him cheating?
Whatever it was I wanted no more dealings with him. I needed to focus on my studies. I turned on my heels to leave the scene. Unfortunately I had stepped on a twig, snapping it. With how silent the night was the sound seem to amplify. The couple turned their attention to me. The woman looked unamused, while Nathaniel looked speechless.
“Ami?” he asked.
I stayed silent. My anger left me unable to speak. There were so many things I wanted to say but couldn’t say. He took a step forward and I took a step back. The woman must have not liked his reaction to me, since she was asking my relationship to him and trying to get back to their tryst. But he stayed silent, just focusing his stare at me. I felt that familiar connection when we looked at each other.
I didn’t want this feeling at all.
I stamped down on that connection.
“I’m just going to go.”
I went the completely opposite direction from the dorm, just to get away from them. I could hear Nathaniel calling after me and the woman calling after him. I said nothing as I kept walking. I needed to be away, far away. I felt my chest tighten thinking about the hurt. I got as far as the bus stop before a hand grabbed my wrist.
“Let go.”
“Ami listen to me.” he began.
The woman finally caught up to us. She looked at me up and down, scrutinizing me. I’ve seen the look of disapproval from so many other females growing up that I didn’t care if I didn’t meet her standards.
“She’s not anything special.” I heard her say.
My eyes widened at the statement. It stung as I realized it. I wasn’t anything special. I really wasn’t. Not to Nathaniel, not to my friends, no one. They had moved on. I knew this deep in my heart.
And I was mildly okay with it.
I had kept my memories of Sweet Amoris deep within my heart, even though I too had moved on.
It was the one thing I didn’t want to realize: that we had grew apart.
I quickly covered my pain with a narrowed glare. Nathaniel must have sensed my mood since he tried to move the woman away from me. I wasn’t going to fight, but if she laid her hands on me I was going to defend myself. He knew this well. The woman fought back well, I will admit that. Then I heard the sound of a hand hitting flesh.
She slapped him.
Pretty good too since his cheek was already turning red from the contact.
A small part of me felt a little satisfaction at seeing it, because it could have easily been me delivering that slap.
Finally the woman walked away, leaving Nathaniel and I under the lamp post of the bus stop. I let out a small breath.
“You know you deserved that.” I finally said.
“Probably.”
I began to walk away. I just needed some space away from him. Just to clear my head and sort my feelings. I thought I was ready, but I’m wondering if coming back was a mistake. I had met some nice people, but was it worth knowing all this hurt? This city was my home, but I never felt so distant from it until now.
“Ami! Wait, talk to me.” he said.
He had grabbed my wrist again but it felt gentler.
“What? What do you want me to say? That I’m actually okay with this?” I asked him, “What the fuck is wrong with you? You think this is funny? Playing with people’s emotions? Making me feel this way?”
I felt him still at my question.
“One moment you’re okay and the next you’re like this. I don’t know what happened since I was away to make you change but I hate it. This isn’t the Nathaniel I met as a new student at Sweet Amoris. This isn’t the Nathaniel I opened so much of myself emotionally and physically to. This isn’t the person I fe-”
I went silent.
We both knew that I was going to finish it with “the person I fell in love with.”
I let out a small breath. I removed my hand from his hold. I felt my body wanting to cry. It needed to cry. But I wasn’t going to do it in front of him. I was strong enough for that and I wanted him to see that. That he wasn’t going to break me down like this. This opened the floodgates of memories I shared with him. All the good and bad parts, all of it was special to me. Because it was him I was sharing it with.
“At any rate, you can keep this new attitude if you want. I don’t give a fuck anymore, just let me be alone.”
I had hoped that the finality in my tone left no room for discussion.
Instead he moved closer to me once again. Instinctively I moved back. I didn’t move far before I felt my back hit the plexi-glass that the bus stop had around it to shield it from the rain. I had nowhere to escape to. I felt his hand run through my hair. He seemed to be actually seeing me. In the midst of my routine training and trying to run from this situation my hair wasn’t in the faux bob, instead it was loose and to the middle of my back. His gaze softened as he lowered his head to look at me at eye level.
“Ami, I’m sorry. It was never my intention to hurt your feelings.”
He spoke with such sincerity that I blushed. In that brief moment, I didn’t see the tough guy that made me want to get as far away from him as possible. I saw my friend that I had missed dearly. He inched his way closer to me until we were just a mere gap apart. It was familiar and not at the same time.
“I-I can’t.” I whispered.
I was too conflicted to want to do anything.
Did I hate him?
Did I still love him?
He noticed my state and gave me some space. I was still effectively cornered at the bus stop, but I didn’t feel like anything could happen. We stood in silence for minutes, absorbing what just happened. I looked at the time on my phone and carefully moved away from him.
“I’m going to my dorm, I’ve been out too late.”
“Do you ne-”
“No.” I immediately said.
I know he wanted to walk back with me.
While I was touched that despite that he still looked out for me, I really needed to separate myself from his presence.
found the drafts I wrote during a relationship fallout and I'm laughing. "thanks for making me feel evil. because I am. goodbye" I should have said this and just blocked. the end
My darling husband (rp partner) has gone off to war (is busy for some reason) and it's been years since i last saw him (its been 30 minutes) and I do not know when I will see him again.
