my biggest fear when it comes to being a mother is if I'll be a good mother. my second biggest fear is imposing on a child the misery of being human.
ever since i can remember things never got better, not really, in the worldwide kind of sense. i wonder if ill live to die peacefully. im constantly filled with a sense of existencial dread, right behind my ears like a coin a magician could pull out at any moment. so i have to wonder if any child i have will have it worse, if they'll be born just to die.
for those being born today or later i wish for certainty. i wish for peace. i wish for an unforgiving world to finally learn a thing or two about its own inevitable, looming demise, and to understand that it's better to go out hand in hand rather than with fists turned against each other. if it comes to that. i wish it won't come to that
