-- this week's topical: my march of time --
This is a bit self absorbent, but since this blog is supposed to contain personal projects/work/etc., I figured I'd make a space for it.
I'm finding it a bit difficult to regain or discover creative spaces to participate in, since relocating to a whole new city. I just find myself busy, and don't have the luxury of already being established in places and knowing people to get involved with (missing Northwest Film Forum's programs, the local theatre that taught me how to work with stage lights, and Fry, who for some crazy reason chose freshly 17 year old me's application to direct a one-act all on my own with probably not enough guidance).* However turning to online spaces and opportunities was a good starting point to cut the intimidation factor of reaching out to places in a foreign city. Cue the reason for this post.
I've always written stories, as a kid. Never completed one, cause I'm a glutton for starting tasks I don't finish, but they're there. So I decided to take that energy and transfer it into a possible (self satisfactory/practice) experience.
I wrote a piece. Multiple pieces, actually, for lit magazines. And...I got a response from one (so far!). I'm getting published.
Which is completely insane. Considering my parents haven't even read a line I've written. Or anyone besides those reviewers. Or Demelza, when we submitted our scripts to her. Basically, it's only been in an academic capacity so far, instead of purely for the kicks of it.
Also helps that I submitted it without using my full name, so It's half anonymous.
I despise sharing my creative work with others. Which...is the antithesis of what film is, yeah. I decided to work on becoming more comfortable with sharing that stuff, not shying away from judgement. I'm nowhere near happy with 90% of the stuff I put out into the world. I know I can do better, with films, or writing, or etc etc etc, so I shy away from talking or sharing these things. What I imagine, see in my head, what I KNOW I can or WANT to do given more....time? money? space? experience? Often doesn't match with the product. It's disappointing. I'm learning to lower my expectations as I learn.
But this was a good starting point. It's not much - only one magazine, only one piece, and it barely reached 1000 words, anyways - but for once, I'm proud of myself. Will this launch me anywhere? Eh, I don't think so. Will this further my career? Not really. But It's still a first for me, and the first time I'm truly, 98% happy with a creative project.
It's a good start. Cause I feel if I become more confident in my current abilities (which I do have, I fricken directed a play! and while it didn't meet my expectations it got pretty far up there) it will transfer into my work. Make it better. How can I give my best when I don't believe my best will transfer to the screen?
So there's that rant of an update.
tldr; Something I've written will be published, which massively helped boost my confidence in my creativity and knowledge.
*yeah all that is minor showboating. I've realized I don't really advertise or talk about achievements or my portfolio. so I've decided to hint at it in a space that feels private).
