eyes closed
This is for an anon that sent me this prom ages ago, I’m sorry it took me this long. I kind of relate to Dan here, so writing this fic was like a little therapy session.
Tags: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort
Summary: Dan hates how his body looks now, he feels like his reflection mocks him. Phil guides him through that.
Warnings: Body Issues
Word Count: 700 words
ao3 link
Dan loved going shopping. He liked being surrounded by new designs, silhouettes, colours (he’s tring to incorporate more colour into his wardrobe because Daniel deserves that). Fashion is a form of art. He says that a lot, no fear of sounding pretentious now that he’s grown into himself.
New clothes are inspiring; even if they’re as basic as Topman, especially if they’re sponspored by someone names Phil Lester.
“Dan as much as I love to see you in your underwear, I like it when you’re just in your underwear and not through the holes in your jeans”
So he was a little desperate for some new jeans.
He browsed through the new jeans collection. As much as he loved his black skinny jeans identity, he picked up a pair of washed blue jeans and ripped jeans along with the customary black skinny jeans in his regular size. (Again Daniel deserved that).
Humming to himself, he entered the fitting room, thanking the afternoon lull.
He removed his joggers (he had started wearing joggers after a little hesitation. They were comfortable and not offensive outside of his home; a win).
Excited, he tried on the ripped jeans first. He was eager to see himself in them and eager for Phil to see him in them.
But the jeans wouldn’t button completely. In the harsh light of the fitting room, his reflection staring at him, he saw himself again through the eyes that stared right back at him.
Gently removing the jeans, he stood there, surrounded by strangers, stripped of all things he hid behind. He poked at his stomach, now more visible than ever. A sob escaped him.
When had he gained so much weight? When had he become so repulsive, so round? How did people tolerate him? How did anyone find him pretty?
He slid at the thought, his back crashing with the mirror as he landed uncomfortably on the floor.
“On the floor of a trial room, what a high point Daniel Howell,” his reflection glared right back at him.
“Phil?” Dan called from the dressing room, his voice breaking in the middle.
Phil rushed to the dressing room, ignoring the stares of people around him. He had already looked through the entire store. No one seemed to show signs of recognition.
Dan was the priority now. The hitch in his voice had made his heart dip into his stomach. 7 years, and Phil still couldn’t bear to hear any sadness in Dan’s speech.
“Hey, hey Dan you okay?”
Dan was sitting on the floor with his head in his hands. Phil sat right next to him.
“Hey,” Phil ventured, making his voice low and soft.
“What’s the problem, is there something I can do, we can get out of-” he was rambling now.
“I’m fat now” Dan cut off.
“And?”
Dan curled up in on himself more. “I’m disgusting… How can you love m-”
“Shhhh” Phil hugged him violently.
“Don’t you ever say something bad about yourself.” He pulled Dan closer, rubbing circles on his back. “Only I can do that.”
Dan chuckled at that. Phil counted that as a victory.
Phil gently removed Dan’s hands from his face.
“So what you’re chubby!” Phil poked at Dan’s dimple, eliciting a small smile from him.
“And you’re cute,” he emphasised it with a kiss on Dan’s cheek.
“And you’re pretty,” a kiss on the jaw.
“And you’re kind and smart,” kisses on fingers.
“And you’re hot.” Phil dropped a kiss on Dan’s thigh.
Dan was giggling by now. Phil smiled at him. The sight was enough to put him at ease.
“Dan, even though you have gained a few pounds, you are still you. Your weight or how you look is secondary, I love you and my affection for you is not the proof you need to know that you are amazing.”
Dan nodded.
“Also I’m not that shallow.”
They got up. Phil understood that even though his pep talk had cheered Dan up, Dan would himself have to come to terms with his issues and resolve them.
Dan was quiet (he tended to be quiet, sweet and shy when Phil voiced his thoughts. Phil loved him). He kissed his forehead for good measure. They stayed together like that for a few seconds, a shared space of solace, with their eyes closed.
“I’ll be waiting outside.” He lowered his voice, “And babe, wear the ripped ones, I like to see a little thigh.”
“I thought you weren’t that shallow Phil Lester!”
A/N: I tried to tackle this issue the way I would like to be treated, but if you think that I’ve made a mistake with the portrayal, please send me a message correcting me and telling me how a different take on this would be like. Thank you!