I have always wanted to write about Namjoon, Jungkook, and Yoongi. I always wonder, when?
Should I write it when I no longer experience this passionate feeling toward Bangtan?
It will give absolute different result. Each month feels different anyway. Also,
Unfortunately, it’s not over yet (love is not over). Definitely no pun intended.
Still, I want to write it now. Otherwise, I might never do it. So it’s the matter of now or never.
My Jungkook phase has passed. Yoongi is fine. I switch between Jungkook, Yoongi, and Namjoon mostly. Usually it depends on who inspire me in the week. I am still inspired by all members and sometimes, it’s just that, these three stay longer than the rest.
Until one day, I learned that Namjoon is active on instagram more compared to the other two. What's more important? His contents totally interest me. I want to see the arts he has seen. I want to know the song he shared.
So I can add them to my playlist. How refreshing to be accompanied by new songs I've never heard before while doing my activities, and also to receive them every week? Marvelous.
I also learned that how much it affected me. I really consider him sharing his activities on instagram regularly is the reason I feel and think what I feel and think at the moment. The word is 'attached'.
Okay. There isn’t much changes since first time I become familiar with Namjoon regarding how I perceive him. Be it first, second, or third impression of him is still the same to me.
Before we start, I’d like to emphasize that this is subjective. Not that I downplay anyone's capability to comprehend this post. I just need to make sure everyone knows.
Things I learned from Namjoon:
Levelheaded. Through his overall on screen presence, we can tell how levelheaded he is. He can stay levelheaded while handling stressful situation, even if the camera is on. First of all, being levelheaded is not easy, and on screen? Increased difficulty. It's like a playing a game, but straight up hard mode. That’s what it seemed to me.
I’ve never seen him showing raw angry on screen. I think it’s admirable of him for being able to stay levelheaded most of the time. Surely it’s difficult. The fact that he’s still survived everything to this day? Magnificent. This is definitely his quality that I admire the most.
From the pressure in American Hustle Life, Run BTS episode 126-127, or when he lost his passport in Bon Voyage Season 1, HE EVEN LOST HIS PASSPORT ON SCREEN!!! TWICE!!!
Those are few difficult situations of him that I remember at the time I posted this. Sure there are many.
Anyway, he definitely lost his composure (almost) in that Run BTS episode 126-127, still I admire the way he handled it in an entertaining way. True performer right there.
To be honest, every member has the right to explode in that episode though. That’s such an emotionally and physically draining episode of Run BTS I’ve ever watched.
Right he never show raw angry, but being mean in passive-aggressive way? Sure he does, many times. There are enough compilation videos of him showing his passive-aggressive side with no mercy. video 1 video 2 video 3
While passive-aggressive has the same connotation as negative quality, sometimes he can make this trait seem harmless and actually the right decision.
I don’t condone passive-aggressive but in this life, tbh, sometimes we have to defend ourselves (said the person who will go straight up passive-aggressive all the time because life has no mercy for the peaceful-oriented human). Passive-aggressive can be justifiable sometimes.
Petty. He’s so damn petty and calculated. I think you might have encountered fanmade videos of him being petty. So far I have never seen his pettiness is directed for malicious intention. He just wanted to be fair.
The most recent act that show how much he emphasize fairness is when he posted all of the HYBE artists songs on his Instagram as a response after they did dance cover of “Run BTS”.
One moment.
Some of you might think that every quality I mentioned here seem more like negative traits. Traits are not black and white. Life does not only offer you multiple choice type of exam like in school. Sometimes you deal with questions that your teachers have never taught you before.
Jealousy. I can resonate to him the most about this matter. Tbh, I’m not aware of jealousy until Bangtan. I may have internalized jealousy. But I have never admitted this feeling before because I don’t think it actually exists or needs to be recognized.
And.. breaking news!
Even if you don’t want to admit you’re jealous, at least recognize that you’re jealous first. You will admit that you’re jealous next. Then you will learn what to do about it.
Tbh, I’m also new to this issue. I don’t know how to deal with it yet.
That’s why it’s still a mystery to me how he handle this heavy emotion commonly known as negative feeling. I wonder how he deal with jealousy. He has never talked about this matter directly. You will get a glimpse of his view regarding this in scattered way. His songs, mannerisms, or notes in his phone that he decided to share recently. I wish some journalists can address this question someday. I need his tips.
Recently he posted one of his old note from 2017. It says:
“True revenge is to be strong, to survive, to protect”
I don’t know how many times I have said this but it’s truly admirable that he has figured out the right way to process intrusive or recurring negative thoughts, and eventually give himself that wise note.
If there’s anything we can take from that note is he has went through something heavy and rather ugly to admit just like any other human being. He probably still has that negative feeling, just like any other human being as he’s a human himself.
However, he choose to take the positive motivation to lift him to a better place instead the negative motivation such as revenge for the sake of it, to destroy others that he may also be aware that such motivation can lead to destruct himself.
He’s probably still struggling with it but he also knows the right way to handle it, when such thoughts come again. Relentlessly try to not make his negative and destructive thoughts win. Just like his lyrics in “Life” that says:
“We tryna be bright, but always dark”
Sure anyone can fall into darkness over and over. The darkness can come back anytime, will also add my own view, and so does the light. So don’t lose hope that your life will get better and try not to choose the destructive route as well.
By not choosing the destructive route, it can lead you to a more relaxed life. I mean sometimes things around you can get chaotic, but if you can remain calm, it will give you benefit to be able making the right decision with clear mind.
Like sometimes I realize how vengeful I can be. But it’s important to remind myself, be mindful in order to make decision that is not fueled by momentary anger.
Focus. Actually I can go on and on about privileges that he has as a man for being able to focus on his career and give 100% (your jealousy is showing now). Still, this post is not about that.
Again and again, it’s admirable that he can give 100% if not more for his career. The way he care and lead his members, the way he build his networks with musicians and other people he’s interested in, the way he also make time and develop his interest in art, and probably still maintain close-knit and healthy relationship with his family as well.
Sometimes I admire him for being ambitious (positive trait) and greedy (negative trait) at the same time. Both traits seem like live side by side in him, and it’s possible. I wish I am both, ambitious and greedy at the same time to maximize my potential in this life. Part of me wish to live life to the fullest and no regret (damn! I just figured this one right now).
In the end of the day, it’s easier said than done.
