"Let yourself be happy."
teen!nanami kento x gender neutral reader
nanami doesn't want to get married because of his work as jujutsu sorcerer and fear of abandoning his partner... but it's teen kento and his fear of dating you because he doesn't want to lose you just like he lost haibara
words: 2.3k
warnings: angst to fluff, death of a friend, reader has a crush on nanami
"Kento, please!"
"No."
"I promise, it will be fun! Just this one time, please!"
"I told you already, I don't like going to the cinema."
"Maybe you'll change your mind if you come with me?"
"...I doubt that."
Another attempt to ask out one of your classmates, Nanami Kento, ended up as a failure. No matter how hard you tried, no matter what you offered him, the answer was always a cold NO. You couldn’t understand why is he like that. He could just tell you that he’s not interested, but no – you see in his eyes that he craves another person beside him, but for sone reason he keeps pushing you away. Your other classmate, Haibara Yu, doesn’t have that problem and is spending with Kento a lot of time. What does he have what you don’t?
“Honestly, I just think he’s not the type of person who enjoy having many friends.” Haibara told you one day. “Maybe one close friend is enough for him.”
“I know Yu, but… we’re classmates! We’re going on the missions together! Having a good relationship would improve our teamwork, would it not?”
“I see your point, Y/N.” he put a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “I wish I could do something.”
“It’s not your fault, Yu. Don’t trouble yourself with it… I just wish I had your confidence.”
Haibara laughed softly. “Stop it!” he nudged you. “You’re yourself and that’s what’s important. Don’t try to be someone else.”
His comment caused a small smile on your face. “Thank you so much… But I can’t help but overthink a lot, you know? What if Kento suspects that I have a crush on him?”
Haibara giggles again. “Maybe he does. If you ask me, the possibilities of him suspecting something and not suspecting anything are equal… But I think there’s just something else going on his mind. Even if we spend a lot of time together he’s not very open with me either…” his voice dropped into a murmur. “…but, no… could it be…? Nah… maybe I’m just overthinking either…”
The sudden change of his demeanor catches your attention. “What is it, Yu?”
He took a deep breath. “He kinda acts like… doesn’t want to get attached.”
“Doesn’t want to… get attached?”
At first you didn’t understand Haibara’s words until his tragic death on a mission you couldn’t attend him and Kento, because you were still healing your wounds from another mission. Besides, it was just a third class curse, nothing could go wrong… right? You didn’t know what exactly happened, you could’ve just try understanding the situation through Haibara’s body cut in half and Kento sitting in the corner of the room, mumbling something about the curse being first class. Geto, who was also in the room, looked at you with pity as he covers the body and walked closer to you then puts his hand on your shoulder.
“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I know how hard it is to lost a companion.”
Kento, who didn’t seem to acknowledge your presence in the room before, suddenly looked into your direction. Your eyes met his, in which you saw pure terror and pain. For a second, he was like a frozen in place. In his eyes you could observe the mess that was going through his head in that moment. What you couldn’t observe is that his brain was running wild with the darkest scenarios of how he could lose you now. In another second, he stood up and ran out of the room. Your heart broke as you see tears forming in his eyes. You wanted to follow him, but Geto’s hand on your shoulder tightens.
“Leave him for now.” he says. “He needs space. And rest. I recommend you to rest too, Y/N. And try not to think much about it. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It’s the cruel reality of jujutsu world.”
Geto spoke with so much understanding for Kento that you gave in and decided to listen to him. The next two weeks were silent. Completely silent. Kento was barely leaving his room, he wasn’t answering when you were knocking at his door or calling him, and while passing you in the hallway he was completely ignoring you. You wanted to be mad at him for treating you that way but all you felt was worry. You couldn’t ignore the tired and frustrated expression on his face. You couldn’t ignore Haibara’s words echoing in your head. “…he doesn’t want to get attached…”. Suddenly every dots connected and everything starts making sense.
One day you’ve had enough. One day you couldn’t stand his cold attitude anymore. You got assigned on a mission – nothing very serious, just some weak curses in an abandoned hospital. As expected, Kento was very stubborn. He didn’t want to cooperate with you and wanted to handle everything himself. After quiet “I’ll handle it.” he exorcised all curses alone, not giving you chance to do anything. He got hurt but didn’t seem to care about it. After he made sure you’re okay, you returned to Jujutsu High and his wounds got healed, you managed to catch him when he was returning to his room from the ambulatory.
“Kento… can we talk?” you crossed his path and tried to look into his eyes but he was avoiding your gaze.
“We have nothing to talk about.” he tried to walk past you but you grabbed his arm.
“Yes… yes, we have.” your grip on his arm was strong, not letting him go. “Can you stop acting like I don’t exist?”
He’s still avoiding your eyes like fire. “…I’m not acting like you don’t exist.”
“Yes, you are.” your voice crack slightly with emotion. “Listen… I know Yu’s death is hard to handle, but…”
“You know nothing,” he managed to rip his arm out of your grip and walked to his door. “You weren’t there… you don’t understand a single thing!” his voice is filled with frustration and sorrow. He disappears in his room but that wasn’t going to stop you. You held the door before he could close it and walked into the room behind him.
“Then let me understand.” you sit on the bed next to him, reaching for his hand. “Kento… please.” the urgency in your voice caused his eyes to fill with tears, but he still wasn’t looking at you. He was just staring into space, trying to process what is happening and what he should say. When after some time you didn’t get an answer from him, you started speaking again. “Before Yu died… he told me something. He said that… he thought you never want to spend time with me because… you don’t want to get attached. Is that right?”
You scanned his face, trying to read his emotions. Then suddenly something inside him breaks. Tears started streaming down his cheeks and he finally looked you into eyes. Now that you could see his expression better, your heart broke into million pieces. His eyes were showing so many emotions… Pain, worry, fear… But most importantly, he seemed so… lost.
“Yes, he was right…” his voice was cracking. “He was right… I’m a coward. I’m afraid of getting attached… that’s all true…” he seemed like he went crazy with his thoughts. The tone of his voice sounded so hurt, so broken, so tired…
“Hey, shh… calm down…” you tried to soothe him, gently rubbing his arm as he cries. “Everything is fine, Kento.”
“Nothing’s fine!” he was crying harder, releasing all bottled up emotions from past few months. It made your stomach twist in pain, seeing the person you love in such state. “He was my friend… He was my friend and now he… a-and you…”
“Me… what?” you asked, trying to sound soft but there is confusion in your voice. When he realized what he said, his cheeks turn slightly pink and looks away from you so you can’t see his face. You didn’t want to push him but you needed answers. “What’s on your mind, Kento?”
He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. He wiped his tears with his sleeve and sniffled softly, getting ready to reveal you all truth. He knew he couldn’t avoid the topic anymore.
“We’re jujutsu sorcerers.” he stared blankly into space as he spoke. “Yu… Yu was one of us and where is he now? He’s gone. And y-you…” his voice cracked again. “I-It’s hard that we lost him but losing y-you…” he had to take a few deep breaths to calm himself down.
“…What are you talking about, Kento? You didn’t and you’re not losing me. I’m right here.” you put your hand over his. This gesture made him look into your eyes.
“I love you, alright?” he whispered, his hand gripped yours tightly. “I just… love you, Y/N. Since our first mission, I fell for you and…” he pauses to take a deep breath and collect his thoughts. “That’s why I was pushing you away. That’s why I’m scared of getting attached. We’re jujutsu sorcerers, we risk our lives, we’re losing a lot of people… just like Yu…”
There was a moment of dead silence between you as he finished speaking. Suddenly everything made sense. When you finally understood his behavior, you felt your stomach twisting in a knot. The thought of Kento living in the endless fear and a vision if him dying unhappy that appeared in your mind were too much for you to handle. But what was the saddest thing for you is that he looked as if he already gave up. As if he saw no hope for himself to be happy. So you decide to give him better perspective…
“If you asked me…” you squeezed his hand tightly, looking into his eyes. “It’s better to die without any regrets than die unhappy and unsatisfied with how you lived… don’t you think?”
He seemed a bit caught off-guard at your statement. His eyes stared into yours, a mix of uncertainty and desire to break free from his depressive mindset was visible there. You’ve really got him stunned, he seemed like he didn’t know what to say.
“What… What are you trying to say by that?”
“I’m trying to say that…” a soft smile appeared on your lips as you squeezed his hand reassuringly. “I’d rather have you now and cherish every moment I can spend with you than die without my love.”
Kento’s face covered in a soft blush as he heard you saying those two words. “My love”. His gaze softened and his grip on your hand tightened. “Are you trying to say that…”
“I love you too, Kento.” you interrupted him and gently cupped his face in your hand. Your thumb gently caressed his cheekbone, trying to soothe him a bit. “I truly do… And if we get to die young, but happy and without any regrets, then let it be that way. Let us… Let yourself be happy, Kento.”
By his expression you can say that a war was happening in his head. His uncertain eyes were asking: “Is it really worth it?”. Your warm smile was answering: “Trust me, it is.”
“Y/N…” he wasn’t able to hold himself back anymore. He fell into your arms, clinging onto you desperately like a little kid. Of course, you immediately returned the hug an held him tightly, gently rocking his back with one hand, meanwhile the other one travelled to his blonde hair and stroked it soothingly. His face was hidden in the crook of your neck as he kept sobbing silently, letting out all of his bottled up emotions. You patiently waited for him to calm down, not judging him, only providing him comfort he needed. After some time, you heard him whisper. “I was such an idiot…”
His words made you chuckle softly. “But you’re my idiot.” You pulled away from the hug just enough to look into his eyes, then you asked in affectionate yet serious tone. “Will you give us a chance, Kento? Will you let yourself experience love, get attached and just… be happy? Even if this world wants otherwise…”
After a moment of silence, he smiled. “Yes, Y/N… I want to stop being so afraid and live like a normal teen should. I want to experience everything with you… my first love.”
The last words made your heart skip a beat and your face became all red. You took his hand and interlocked your fingers with his, looking into his eyes. “Let’s make up for the lost time, hm?”
The smile on his face widened. “I want nothing more…”
Then, without any more words, you started slowly leaning in. Kento realized what you meant and his lips parted slightly and so did yours. Both of you held your breaths waiting for the very anticipated moment until finally… your lips gently touched his. You barely could contain your joy and a warm feeling spread inside of your body. It was unfamiliar feeling but… it felt good. Better than you have ever expected. And most importantly, it was going from your heart, which was pounding in your chest incredibly fast. You were kissing your first love and he wasn’t pushing you away, he was even returning the affection, giving all of himself to you… And you’re both finally happy.
As you got lost in the moment, you suddenly remembered Haibara’s words – words you forgot about and didn’t remember until this moment. Words that would make you act sooner if you wasn’t such a fool and didn’t forget them.
“He kinda acts like… doesn’t want to get attached.”
“Doesn’t want to… get attached?”
“Yeah, you know… some people are afraid of their own emotions. He seems like a person who might be just this type.”
“But… to be afraid of them, he first must have some kind of emotions for me.”
“He likes you, Y/N... I see it in his eyes. I’m not sure it it’s love yet, but… I’m sure he does like you. A lot I’d say. But his fear is not letting him realize that.”
✿
rt's appreciated<3 cuz it took me a while to finally post that and it cost me much ✧
