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An AU where Cassie and Damien live in a small Midwestern town researching UFOs and aliens and weird happenings in their area and they both wear glasses but Damien wears his glasses more often than Cassie because he's nearsighted as heck and he hates his contacts
Does anyone want some (pretty much) free stuff?
Because I totally have some (pretty much) free stuff.
I'm probably not going to use a lot of the sponsor offers from winning NaNoWriMo, so if anyone out there wants in on any of the discounts/free things I can give you my codes, and it would be twenty million times better than wasting them. Here's a list because lists are cool:
50% off Scrivener
50% off Storyist
3 months free of Evernote Premium
40% off FastPencil wide distribution package (idk, I didn’t even read this one properly, so I don't know what that is) and 2 free print copies of your book (was not aware this was a thing, only just discovered it as I was writing this up. Who knew)
40% Aeon Timeline
Free hardcover copy of your book from Lulu (this one is for all participants, not just winners, but if anyone reading this just wants a free print of their book, do the thing, it is GREAT, I did some last year and they are beautiful)
50% off bookow's automated formatting service
Also, I don't mind if you're not a NaNo participant, if you want the thing, you can have the thing.
:D
(I'm kinda just assuming that giving these out is a thing I'm allowed to do ahahaha)
HEY THERE? Do you like reading? Do you like good books? Well then, SCROLL ON! There's nothing to see here. That's right, be about your business as normal.
...you're still reading? you... like reading trash? Well. Uh. Okay. I guess you can... stay for this next announcement?
Ladies, gentlemonsters, and everything between or both or beyond or off to the side or hovering anxiously above, I bring you this announcement:
Jade has FINISHED her 2014 NaNoWriMo Novel! That's right, she wrote (almost) every day for 30 days, and now she has a digital certificate, and 338KB word document, and a whole lot of wasted time to show for it.
And, for the first time ever, these 340KB of pure gold gold-plated gold-colored? sort of dingy brass rusty iron are available to YOU!
Here's what the author has to say about this limited, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity:
Fuck it! It's done. Look at that, I finished the story. Now I'm never going to touch it again. What even was the point? I don't care. Sure, whatever, you can read it. Why not. It's shit. You don't want to read it. Don't say I didn't warn you. Fuck it, what the hell.
WOW! Imagine that! That's right, this is the FIRST NaNoWiMo novel this author has EVER let plague grace the eyes of ANYONE ELSE! Her previous novels are locked away on her computer, and various flash drives now lying somewhere in a gutter in rural Ohio. She hasn't even written anything longer than a couple pages in the last two years! That's right, this is one RARE opportunity, since she'll probably come to her senses and delete this post and beg for everyone else to never open it within, like, a week probably.
Highlights of this year's story include:
it started out as middle grade, but then I realized middle grade is hard to write, so I stopped trying. now all the characters still act and speak like 12 year olds, but it lacks the depth of YA or adult-oriented fiction! and I got to keep all my convoluted sentence structure. no, really. it's super confusing. (points to stack of papers from middle/high school covered in red ink with the words "too complicated" written on top)
the narrative style is super inconsistent, sometimes the narrator talks to the reader, but it's super out of nowhere and usually could just get thrown right out.
I started out with multiple viewpoints but by like 10 pages in I was like "fuck that" and stopped. now it alternates between 3rd person limited and omniscient. who needs consistency!
do you ever feel like straight-up reading a thesaurus? this book is for you. I hate using the same word more than once within a 3 sentence space.
I misremembered some facts about the moon and went and super hurriedly retro-edited some sections but I am POSITIVE I missed at least 3 and it's gonna make things confusing
I am ashamed to admit, it contains at least one pun. I know. I'm sorry.
SOOOO MUCH FILLER. it's nano. I didn't plan this one ahead at ALL so whenever I didn't know what I needed to happen next, I babbled on until I made wordcount and had time to think about it
it's fantasy and has got some magic in it. oh. you want... an actual synopsis?? I didn't sign up for this shit. fine. well. it's about a girl and a coyote who try to trade places, but the girl gets turned into a stag by mistake. they have to travel to another land and find the spirit of the moon in order to set things right.
I gave it the title (Fynding) in the last half hour the site was open because I didn't want that line on my digital certificate to be blank. I got it after spending 15 minutes on google/wikipedia. that's it.
it's REALLY BAD, it's QUANTITY OVER QUALITY, I don't think I can emphasize enough how lowered your expectations should be for this
Think on that, folks! The imagery is heavy-handed! The characters are flat and don't develop the way she wanted! There's way too much alliteration for comfort! Do you enjoy analogies? You won't like these ones! The magic is SUPER inconsistent! The prose is... present.
(you glance over to the prose. it arrived ten minutes ago, and despite all the thinly-veiled hints, has refused to leave. it's staring at you with big, soppy eyes. you glance aside, pretending you were looking past it the whole time, and that your eyes never met.)
Well folks, you heard it here first! If you want to waste your time reading this garbage, this is your once and only chance, probably. It's guaranteed to be at least 300% LESS witty than this post! What? No one? Good, good. That's the spirit. Let's all move along now, and--hm? You.. want? To read this?
(you glance around, embarrassed. you're the only one who's raised their hand. smirking faces stare back at you, some with raised eyebrows. aha, they seem to be saying, so that's what kind of person that is. someone behind you laughs out loud. you don't see who, but your ears burn with shame. the announcer hurries over, and fumbles to give you a printed card. then they stride away, ushering the rest of the crowd along. some glance back over their shoulder at you as you read the card in your hands, the ink slightly smudged:
If you would like to proceed and read Fynding, please inbox the author your email address so it can be sent to you in the next 3-5 business days.
If you have realized your error and wish to destroy all evidence of your mistake, eat this card now.
NaNoWriMo has ended...
As my fourth year of NaNoWriMo comes to a close I finish with the word count of 55,523. That's better than previous years. I have two half finished manuscripts, one totaling 22.3k, the other totaling 32.1k, and a 1k long one shot that might possibly go in the third book of the trilogy. The craziness is over, which is a bittersweet feeling, but now I get to go regain my sanity. (If that's possible.) Or I could go finish both manuscripts during the OYANer December NaNo...
Currently sitting at 54k for NaNo and still lots of story left! Hopefully I'll get to 55k tonight and then I'll join in with some of my friends for our own NaNo in December. I'm gonna get this story done by Christmas, hopefully.
nano update:
50,011 words
i actually did this
holy shit
"The doors are different here though. They look like the locks on them are heavier, more stable, able to resist anything. Almost like the locks on a watertight door or a vault door. Each of them has a window guarded by steel bars. Inside it looks almost like the walls are padded. The patients inside wear straight jackets. Then I hear the sounds. Someone screams. Whether it’s a guy or a girl, I can’t tell. I suppose after that I’m more alert because I hear everything. Sobbing, more screaming that’s faint because it’s from down the hall, chains, stomping, thudding. This sounds like a cacophony from hell. “What is this place?” I ask in a mutter before I can stop myself. He doesn’t answer for a moment, but finally he says, “Where the hopeless cases go to sit and wait for death.”"
~ The Asylum Trilogy: Broken Illusion by Ember C. Snow (NaNo Novel '14)
