#nanyasore

[beekeepercain]

thank you very much! i think that clears it up for me a bit... I don't know, I find the whole thing very confusing. I don't have sex or partake in romantic relationships, because I find it so off-putting and messy and whatnot. I've cut those aspects so far out of my life that when I see posts like yours come up I barely even know how to address it, much less relate to it, on anything more than biological terms. Your time has been very appreciated and your explanation was very helpful. <3

You’re welcome! It’s funny, I have the exact same problem with you... just in the opposite. As a person who is a romantic to the point of idealism, reading about the experiences of people who are anything but has been very alienating for me. For the longest while I didn’t seem to be able to find any support or inclusion for asexuals like myself, largely, I think, due to the fact that there’s a lot less to talk about when you’re kind of eh but not completely eh to the point of repulsion. But I needed the support, really needed it because I’ve felt so broken and wrong ever since I realised this about myself, so I started carving it out for myself, and I’ve luckily found resources and many people who’ve had similar experiences or at least could support me even though we weren’t the same. Like, I can’t tell you how long I just wanted to be normal and want sex and understand sexuality the way people around me do, and how shitty it makes me feel that I can’t experience it that way. I still feel like shit about it occasionally. But people, generally, who are like me don’t tend to be vocal about it, so the community was essentially lost to me before I really started working to find it.

And, somehow, in that I also became something of an advocate for my shade of the spectrum, which is terrifying since I don’t feel at all qualified for doing it. But if it can help anyone at all? Then it’s worth it.

[beekeepercain]

hey about that asexuality comment you made-- i'm just trying to understand and maybe you can help me out... if, according to what you said, the "kicker" (i.e. sexual attraction) isn't a desire for emotional intimacy, a physical enjoyment of sex, or a desire to engage in sexual activity, then what is it exactly? I just don't understand how an asexual person can physically and emotionally enjoy sex, and seek out sex for pleasure, and then still be asexual.

Asexuality isn’t really about having sex, or not having sex, because sexual attraction isn’t about the activity itself. It’s about that attraction to a person on a level that tells you, “damn I’d like to tap that” in some shape or form. It’s some kind of an additional level to “damn that person is aesthetically pleasant to look at”, a specific layer of attraction.

Asexuality also doesn’t mean that your partner is sexually undesirable to you. Personally, I’m on a completely neutral level - I view beautiful people like works of art, and while someone who is very beautiful will make me go breathless, there isn’t desire involved in it. (Frustration, on the other hand? I get these intense feelings filling up my head and chest that don’t target anything and I can’t do anything with them - like I have an empty slot for sexual attraction, and it’s echoing because it’s hollow inside and something just hit it from the outside.) Sexuality doesn’t come into the equation when I love, either; it’s just not something I think about or something that essentially appears in the picture when I think of a relationship: in short, I tend to forget that sexuality exists, because for me, it kind of doesn’t. This doesn’t even come into picture just talking about my own relationships. I literally keep forgetting people want to bang other people, and by default I assume nobody has sexual intentions or desires involved in their love or appreciation for anyone. It shocks me every time when people come out and say that the would like to have sex with so and so, or that they are, in fact, actively having sex with so and so, because I live in my subjective world where that just isn’t something that people desire and do.

However, if I were in a relationship, a strong enough relationship basing in trust where such a thing could plausibly occur in my life, I wouldn’t find the thought of giving pleasure to my partner offputting in any way. It’s just not something that there’s a drive for in me, especially when it comes to my own pleasure, which I’m very much on the edge about as per whether that is something I could want to experience with a partner. That thought is offputting on certain levels, but this may not be case for all asexuals, and it likely has less to do with my asexuality than the fact that I’m next to incapable of being aroused in the first place and fear that it’d end up in a situation where the choice is either between pretending I’m getting something out of it or confessing to my partner that they literally cannot turn me on, which would be embarrassing and potentially hurtful. Let me tell you - it wouldn’t be the first time I choose pretending because my asexuality makes me feel like shit about myself, like I owe to become not so for my partner’s sake.

The thing is, the kicker is in the desire for emotional and physical intimacy when talking about going into the act. But for an allosexual, sex is something that there is a pre-existing desire for, whereas for an asexual, it’s not there. An asexual doesn’t have the need or wish for sexual activity like someone allosexual does, and even if an asexual has sex for other reasons, that desire will never be there by default. But you’re still asking the wrong guy here, because I can’t tell you what makes people want to have sex, since I literally don’t experience such a desire. If you’re after what creates that spark in interaction between people, what makes people type #DADDY PLEASE TAKE ME in tags to a photo of a celebrity - ask the people who do. I’ve tried, and the result was tears of frustration. It’s something that I simply can’t understand.

[amaringos]

In reference to your "all the boys in one house" post-- remember all that awful Quizilla fanfiction? Maybe you don't, but I clearly remember a steady theme being that everyone lived in one house and some shitty goth OC would move in and you'd have to suffer through like a 20k word description of how everything was black and Evanescence posters. Your post just reminded me of all of that... freakin war flashbacks, man.

i do remember those ahaha i even made one i think hey i can give you worse images imagine kuwabara having a scene phase and yusuke becoming a brony

[kiirijo]

Haru: Hey, Makoto, where are you going... // Makoto: To the bed. // Haru: Eh! (actually 'na', but whatever)

I LOVE YOU ;A;/ ♥

[amaringos]

nanyasore replied to your post: “ive studied but have i studied enough that i can take a break and...”:

the answer to that question is always yes

to be fair though if i fail this test i might be completely fucked like its pretty important