#napalilli

[fromyourmamawholovesyou-blo-blog]

Second lesson of motherhood: you're still a woman. Find time for yourself and the things that make you 'you'. Love for my husband ♥...

[fromyourmamawholovesyou-blo-blog]

This one thing I now accept: True love at first sight IS real. It's called Motherhood

[fromyourmamawholovesyou-blo-blog]

First Lesson of Motherhood

First lesson of motherhood: release the fantasy, embrace the reality and forgive yourself the difference. Your baby already has.

[fromyourmamawholovesyou-blo-blog]

Hello Little One

Hello little one.

I felt you move for the first recognizable time for CERTAIN yesterday. But I'd been suspecting it was you for a week.  You felt at first like tiny little bubbles swooshing thru my tummy. When I felt it I thought nothing of it. But soon I thought I recognized a pattern... Oh my gosh! This could be my little baby!

I told your dad "I think I can feel the baby move". He said "when it's really the baby, you'll know". And I did. Yesterday two firm little nudges, like kicks. I was so excited. There you are, my joy. There you are. Already I can tell u are a person with strong opinions. When I'm upset, u move a lot. And when anything is leaning on my belly too much, u protest that too. I can't wait to meet you, u curly haired wonder. Maybe mummy and daddy didn't wait as long as they should have to have you. But you're almost here. And we already couldn't imagine loving you more than we do right now. But I'm sure we will. Every new thing you do will delight us as we continue to watch over u and pray over u and enjoy the whole new person u'll become. I'm ready to sleep, but u aren't my little jellybean. I can feel u swooshing around. Mommy's little night owl. I love u darling. See u in November :-)

[napalilli-blog-blog]

My darling Jude, when you were a tiny cuddly ball of baby, I could so easily write you epistles as I imagined who you would continue to unfold to be. Now that you're such a big little boy :-), full of your very own personality and prerogatives, I find myself so amazed by the complexity of you, and by my increasing love and awe of you that I'm frequently tongue tied. (Pen-tied?) What do I say to a little boy who spends his mornings singing along to my devotions with such abandon, eyes closed mimicking mommy? Who knows the sign for "dirty" and will dutifully use it to indicate that the mud he is squatting in is indeed 'dirty'? Who bites the tops off tins and canisters with such ease, but is confounded by his flip top cup? Who knows he must always say please, leading to "no. please?" Who gives the fiercest bear hugs, the sweetest kisses and the widest smiles I've ever seen? Who runs 100 miles a minute but can pull to a sudden stop just for some cuddle time? Who grows and explores 'more-ness' every day, without ever leaving my heart? All I can say, my love, is: Mommy loves you. She... she just loves you.

[napalilli-blog-blog]

The minute we take our eyes off Jesus as the ONLY reason our Christian walk makes sense, and isn't a bunch of wasted efforts, is the minute we take hits to vulnerable places in our spirit. My Christianity only makes sense today, tomorrow, 15 minutes from now and Christmas 2016 BECAUSE of Christ. It never has anything to do with me, or my ability to 'live right' or 'be good'. Every single moment I cling to Grace through the Cross is a moment I can boldly lay claim to my Christianity. Every other moment is vanity. Neither my failings nor my successes make me anymore a Christian than the moment I chose Christ. If only there was an app to remind me about THAT...

[napalilli-blog-blog]

Whoever you are, and whatever the lie: let it all go. 

[napalilli-blog-blog]

At Least I Have Each Other...

I am a study in contradtictions. 

Looking at me in my wild and frequently uncombed curls, and with my penchant for flowing flowery dresses and flats, you'd be quite reasonable to assume that I am She of the Flower Power Fraternity. Sorority even. You'd expect me to play a lute (guitars are so 'of the Man, you know?) and sing warbling ditties composed on the spot in honor of the sun, and of gardens everywhere and of the blessing of a woman's womb. And you'd only be half of a raging idiot for assuming thus. Because I do love me some flowers, and I do sing. I enjoy spontaneous serenades of all sorts. Motherhood is my absolute favourite thing about myself and love is the best thing ever.

 However.

Rest assured that I will also nail all flawed arguments to the wall, have zero tolerance for poor grammar, and do not get me started on the wars I have started because of the rampant inefficiency I face daily. I have lists for my lists of lists. I have never met a label I didn't love- nay, NEED. I plan parties months in advance and I had my wedding organized and ready for execution in less than 2 weeks.

Yeah. I'm that girl AND I'm that other girl too.

And that's okay. We don't need to be just any one side of ourselves. 

I have long subdued sides of my self to better fit the mold of Art Girl or of Business Girl. But all along, I was just me. Sometimes artsy and sometime hard-assed. It's been the biggest relief ever to me to find that it's ok to be all the me's that live in this skin. God has a purpose for every last one of us (and I'm just talking about myselves here...but you too, no doubt) and it's time I see what that plan looks like.

I promised myself 2012 would be about being my best self, and about shaking off all those voices that say "listen, anyone who just saw you beat down the donut lady over ill-proportioned sprinkle techniques will LAUGH to hear you say you're a Christian." And while yes, they may laugh (and tremble)....it's not about them. It's not even about me, whichever fantastic mess I am that day. It's about showcasing how God can use me. Even me. All of me. All of me's. Flowers, Flip Flops, Flow charts and all.