I’m honestly losing hope staying clean, my brother I don’t think even wants to stay clean. He’s not doing the program anymore cuz he swears up and down that there’s nothing after death and living his life to the fullest and there hasn’t been anyone in our family that stayed clean and I’m worried that my brother is gonna go off the deep end and not come back. My best friend is drinking right now after she eats and my brother is probably going to drink now too and my brother said he likes my best friend and they did used to date before she became my best friend but they were teenagers and toxic together and what if they date again? My brother drinks with her and I’m just so fucking nervous I feel so sick and I can’t eat I can’t even relax I’m so fucking nervous and angry and sick and sick, I really wanna go to a meeting and share about this but most all of them have already started and I would go to an online one but I need to talk to a few other addicts about this in the program cuz they’re the only ones that can semi understand this and probably know the right things to about this situation or know what the right thing to say is even if I don’t wanna hear it. My messages are open I think, I need help. Thanks. If you need me to explain more I will. Beats me why I’ve chosen tumblr to do this. I’m losing hope.