The Indian Way is starting to grate on me a little this morning. We've been sat in the office for an hour and a half now waiting to begin English and IT lessons that we've prepared and no one is too be seen. I'm growing tired of waiting around for people in this country, as much as I love India their time keeping skills are appauling. In this time spent hanging around I could be doing something a lot more productive with my time - such as getting out of the village. Living and working here can make one extremely claustrophobic especially when Indians have no concept of personal space.
For example, the other day one of the villagers just decided to walk into our house unannounced when we were getting changed. My bedroom door is directly in line with the back door that she came through and I was just stood there barely covering my dignity with a towel so I ran back into my room shouting that I was getting changed and Sapphire darted in too because she'd also just got out the shower. When I opened my bedroom door again she was still stood there in our kitchen, perfectly aware of the fact we were getting changed and didn't even excuse herself from our house! This is just one example of many similar cases, however one of the most aggravating things is when someone comes into our house (usually one of the children) and pulls my skirt down because my legs are showing from the knee down, or points at my top because it's slipped a little showing a bit of bra strap! It really infuriates me, I completely respect India's dress code but when I am sat in my own house (and in this blistering heat too) I shouldn't be put under scrutiny by people who i've not even invited into my home. Simple things such as going to the toilet which is 10m away from our house are a chore, we can't just go out in our pajamas (shorts and a t-shirt) without having to cover our legs and shoulders for fear of offending someone. Yet the men can walk around almost completely naked in just a towel that's been folded in such a way to look a little like a kilt and even then i've already seen several unwelcome sights when they're 'readjusting' yet it's not frowned upon?
I'm not asking to walk around constantly in a bikini or next to nothing, because that isn't who I am anyway - but even just to be able to get away with wearing a strap top without my shoulders offending someone and i'd be grateful!
It's unfortunate that this post is a largely negative one but please do not be under the impression that I am not enjoying it out here, because I really am there're just a few things I am struggling to cope with as with any new country someone decides to live in for a while. Culture shock is definatley the correct phrase to describe the above.
Originally this post was intended to update you on what i'd been up too since i'd last updated, however after a 'heated discussion' this evening with the team as regards to how women are treated in India - I feel it's only right for me to highlight the problem as it's something that's affecting myself and the rest of the team directly.
After some research online I came across a blog post from a past ICS volunteer who was based at the NGO, SOVA in Orissa - I urge you all to take a read of Cristina's post as it was done towards the end of her placement confirming that not only are women oppressed across India but that also this isn't just 'teething' issues with me, the team and India. I completely understood where she was coming from and related to many of the problems they recieved despite only being at NEWS itself for just over 2 weeks.
"But no one would rent out a room or apartment to three single women because, why would girls live alone? They are to be living with their families or husbands. Anything else is inappropriate and wrong. Luckily, after three weeks, we managed to get a house through our boss’s father in law. Luckily, we thought… He imposed a curfew at 8pm."
http://cristina-amrein.blogspot.in/2011/12/woman-in-rural-india.html
Like Cristina we also had accommodation issues here at NEWS. I can only speak for what information i've recieved from past volunteers and the NEWS staff as by the time we arrived the issue was resolved. However, we're the first team to live within the community at NEWS after many issues between past ICS volunteers and their landlord at previous accommodation in a nearby town. It's not seen as 'proper' for women and men to live together in this country unless they're married or related and the landlord had a massive problem with this. In the end it resulted in the previous team leader Chris, moving out to the house we're in now in Devarayaneri. Whilst the girls continued to live in the usual accommodation, but even that was frowned upon because why would three women be living together? The living arrangement now consists of me, Sapphire and Jenny living in the CEO's house that Chris was also living in previously for a short while whilst Mitul lives opposite in a small hut. Needless to say when we first arrived we all felt awful at the thought of pushing the CEO and his wife out of their marital home. Luckily they both seemed very happy to accomodate and only live next door, granted in a much smaller house and we're all in debt to them for their generosity.
My team leader Sapphire raised a very good point tonight - for a long time she's had low self esteem when it comes to her body image and it's only in recent years she's learnt to accept herself and be happy in her own skin. I'm sure most women, including myself will have experienced something similar to this in their lives. I used to never be happy with what looked back at me in the mirror and often felt extremely low not only about my body, but why some days I even existed. I became extremely self destructive and depressed - mainly thanks to cruel bullies in secondary education. It's only since around the age of 18 (bare in mind i'm only 20) that I began to accept and feel happy with what i'd been given. Not to say we all don't have our down days, but that's perfectly natural. I don't want to become another cliche sob story - bullied in school and a mess because of it but unfortunatley it is (or was) the truth and what i'm saying here only scratches the surface. The point i'm trying to make here in relation to how women are viewed in India is that women are not pushed to feel good about themselves, they're encouraged to cover every part of their body up and deny themselves any feminity. Study hard, marry a 'good man' (that's been prearranged by her parents) and live to please her husband, in fact everyone but herself. Some people may argue that this is all they know, but why should a women just accept that? Once upon a time it was all we knew in England until Emily Panchurst chose to take a stand.
It's frowned upon in this country for a woman to bare her skin, drink alcohol, have sex before marriage, make eye contact with a man, marry for love, speak to most men without it being viewed as promiscuous, divorce a man who mistreats her and marry old.
As you can see the subject of marriage comes up a lot and arranged marriage is something that I believe is a tradition that needs to be outlawed. Of course, my opinion isn't gospel but i'm sure many people will agree with me. The marital age in India is 21 for women and 25 for men, notice how the age for women is younger? It's usually viewed that any woman whose not yet married past the age of 25 as a bit past it. I asked an Indian man why the marital age was older for them, he replied because they have more to do with their lives. So, a woman doesn't? Absolute garbage of course! When discussing arranged marriage with an Indian woman she chose to tell us that before her husband there was a man she loved, but her parents did not like him (or most probably a suitable dowry wasn't offered) and she was told to forget about him. When we asked if she was happy with her husband, she simply replied 'I have too be'. How is this living?
She inquired about 'lovers' in England and quite blatently frowned upon what we had to say, but in hindsight how is arranged marriage any better? 'Lovers' to Indian people is basically what they call anyone who isn't married, regardless of the fact if you've been with your partner for many years and have just decided not to marry - you could see by her face that she was disgusted. I tried explaining that marriage really wasn't seen as neccessary in England, as many people weren't religous either - just because a couple isn't married doesn't mean they're not devoted to one another. I'd rather be unmarried spending my life with someone that I loved and was happy with as opposed to being married too someone I had nothing in common with. I used my parents as an example they'd been together happily for 24 years before finally deciding to get married 2 years ago - not out of neccessity, religion or because people expected them too - but because they wanted too.
I'd just like to finish up this blog post by first of all saying I started this around 10 days ago, when there was little to do due to certain circumstances and we were all growing very frustrated. My thoughts and feelings on the above are still present, however i'm able to let them go over my head a lot easier now and also understand why some of these things happen, even though I may not agree. One of NEW's objectives is to empower women and I beleive they're doing much to try and achieve this so i'm happy.
Here's to hoping women all over India can one day be treated as equal to men, at the end of the day there is no point pretending half of your population doesn't exist.