I’m really not a fan of Surrender, but since I am a VIP, why not play it? This chapter has made it painfully obvious Reagan DOESN’T need to behave the way he does. Sloan is funny, caring and STILL a capable Dom. So why does MC need to be stuck with the mood-stuck-in-the-ass-but-hot-and-gorgeous-cause-I-obviously-chose-the-asian-version Reagan?
I know PB is doing it for the sake of drama and all, but there is other ways to stir drama instead of giving us an indecisive ass of a LI.
Anyways, why does PB INSIST on inserting Nathan Sterling EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE???
IT HURTS, PB! I still love Nathan even though he is a fucking asshole!
Summary: Emily wants to know what is the nature of their relationship. Nathan does not know.
Rating: T - Suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with some violence, minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes.
Words: 1100
Notes: Yeah, I’m still doing Nathan fanfics. Sue me.
Nathan would not know how to even begin to explain what they are, to explain what sort of relationship they have.
It is… A thing. They have a thing together. He supposes. Well, it is complicated.
He certainly has made almost no effort in terms of knowing who Emily is, what makes her how she is, her interests, stances, pleasures, hobbies, and every miniscule detail he does not really bother to think twice about. They do not hang out very often, as she has her own friends and a torrent of problems. Nothing that she tells him is either registered empathically or kept a secret. Besides, he lies a lot.
Again, this is complicated. Really, nothing has been easy for him when it comes to her. Her pathetic attempts at picking through virtually anything of her pathetic life to talk about is met with only silent frustration and false sympathy from his part. When they talk about his life and his family and his friends, though, she listens and it is almost… Nice, even if it is also painful and boring.
They kiss a lot, too, and fuck. A lot. This is the only secret of hers that he keeps close to his heart and tells no-one. That is nice, too, but then he feels bad afterwards and has to bail immediately.
This has been happening a lot, this feeling bad thing. He has been doing bad things lately, but he has always done bad things and never felt bad over them, not even slightly. It is not as if he does not mean to be a bastard, he very much does, but he had established that a life on the straight and narrow is boring and painful, so he is not really looking for change just because he feels bad sometimes.
Nathan has what he set out to get, and he would enjoy his prize for a little while longer. It is fine. Besides, it is also very easy, there is no importance on his part to reach that stage in their relationship, if he could even use that term to describe what they are.
So no, he does not know what they are, or even whether he intends to seriously answer that question anytime soon. All he really knows is that, apart from never shutting up about her loser friends, Emily is quite talented in other aspects. She cooks well, she writes well, she is musically gifted, she is intelligent and she is attentive.
Perhaps she really did deserve that award of hers. Who would have thought?
Nothing of that has ever really concerned him until quite recently. Nathan is not one to recognize the best in other people, let alone when it comes to forging sincere friendships, but lately he has pondered about these aspects of his life.
Friends, family, meaningful connections, dating, talented individuals, the straight and narrow, the future. These words float around his mind, he is forced to consider things by other perspectives, and everything is wearing at him.
They are in a small bed in one of the rooms at some cheap chain hotel in the city, at walking distance from her shared apartment. The thin bedsheets barely provide any heat, especially for the cold weather this time around, but that is the least of their concerns.
“Nathan?” Emily calls out tiredly, her tone completely different from moments ago.
Her head rests on the pillow, her naked body shifted toward the blond boy.
“Yeah?” His gaze is set upward, seeing the light patterns decorating the ceiling emitting from the blinds from the adjacent window.
Nathan feels some of her strands of hair brushing his shoulder. He takes a moment to exhale, then shivers as he suddenly feels her soft fingertips gently making contact with his arm, dragging down in a slow motion.
He takes a slight moment to turn and gaze at her when she does not speak, and quietly prompts her for an answer. Of course, he is ignoring the way her hand continues to tickle his skin, disregarding the way he pathetically tries to inch closer to her touch, the undignified sensation he has at the fact that he likes being caressed by her, among other things.
Emily does not ignore nor acknowledge this. She knows as much that he is indulged in what she offers him, what she gives him, and that alone is something she is sure nobody else has been able to offer. She fears the day that he grows tired of her, grows bored of their relationship, that he thinks down on her middle-class family background.
Which is why she needs some assurance. This might be counterproductive, but she feels better in trying than to live with the circumstances.
Lips parting, she asks in a sudden tone, “What are we?”
Her question is not meant to put any pressure on him, but the sudden tensing of his body leads her to believe that she has probably stepped over an unseen boundary.
There is no response. It is not like he does not want to answer. Or rather, it is not like he does not have a sweet lie ready on the tip of his tongue to give her, but Nathan just does not know whether he wants to lie, or even what is the actual truth of the matter. He is lost.
Cautiously, she tries to reword her question. “What can we call this?”
The emphasizing of the last word lingers on her tongue in a way that makes it almost impossible to ignore its importance. The room is quiet, but there is an uncomforting silence. The boy shifts in place, now facing her, but avoiding her eyes.
“I don’t know.” He finally answers.
“Are we stopping this?” Emily counters, clearly seeking answers that she knows are transparent.
Nathan grunts. “Should we?”
He tosses the question back into her face, and it causes her lips to purse tightly, and she sighs in defeat. She curls into him, and he does not back away, causing her to smile to herself. It's a bittersweet feeling, leaving it like this, but for now it is something she is able to indulge in without stressing over.
“No, we shouldn’t.” She breathed out, quietly.
Nathan seems to agree, she notes, as he hides his face into the top of her head and relaxes again. There is no rush, he believes, as he allows his eyes to slowly close, and pushes his thoughts and concerns for another day.
For now, all he knows is that what he has with Emily pleases them both.
