I have written an open letter to all men:
-It has come to my attention over many years that the vast majority of you don't know how to aim. Let me give you a hint: aim for the large bowl of water.
Not the floor, not the tank, not the actual seat or rim of the toilet.
Pro-tip: try aiming at a cheerio!
"Carrying Cheerios around everywhere seems childish!"
Correct! It is! But you're also a child for not being able to aim into a fucking pot.
You all brag about have great shot with guns...Not sure I believe you.
-The toilet seat covers on the wall are not confetti.
You don't need to rip them out and throw them into the air to celebrate the fact you just peed in the toilet correctly.
Every men's room I've been in looks like fucking Palm Sunday with all the covers on the ground.
How?
Do you scream "fuck the system!" While throwing paper items on the floor? Is this your Anarchy phase? Did you never get the freedom to cut your hair into a Mohawk at 14 and listen to Sex Pistols?
-I don't know how, or why, but the soap dispenser is always broken. It would be awesome if it broke from overuse.... But I could keep a tally of how many other dudes I've seen wash their hands just counting on my fingers & toes.
The soap dispenser is not the enemy. Soap dispenser is friend. Frieeeeend. It will protect you from germies and shaking each other's Dick-hands all day.
-Now, I know, this seems crazy. But the rubbish bin is there for your Used hand towels after drying off (after washing your hands). To put it in the most simple terms.... Play basketball with the trash. Throw it in the receptacle. 2pts if you make it first shot.
-Why are so many of you afraid of flushing toilets, and urinals? Did you know you can flush it? Yea! You can! That handle jutting out of the piping isn't to hang air fresheners from.... It's for disposing of your body waste. Shocking, I know. How have we never figured this out when it's been around for centuries?!
-I have noticed this issue mostly within the states. Underdeveloped countries that have shit holes have better hygiene. Is it a freedom thing? I'm not sure. But even your public toilets are so grotesque, many cant even attempt to enter then for fear of transmitted viruses.
To summarize this for the quickly distracted... Stop being such a vile human being, and clean up after your disgusting mess.
Sincerely,
Another man who is far more superior in the art of bathroom etiquette.