#naturalidenity

[cathompkins]

[cathompkins]

Identity Crisis

August 16, 2012 I cut off all of my hair and decided to go natural. It was a huge personal decision that has helped me grow in numerous ways. Throughout my journey back to my roots I faced a lot of adversity, majority of it stemming from other women who did not understand. In the beginning I was not comfortable wearing my hair because of the length so I kept getting braids and sew ins until September 2013. Finally my hair was long and touched my shoulders. I tried wearing my Afro and received mixed reviews. I guess people weren’t used to seeing me without silky straight hair. Some people loved my hair including my boyfriend but others (women mainly) asked “why don’t you just get a perm?” or they would just simply stare at my hair until it became uncomfortable. Needless to say I didn’t feel pretty. One night I grabbed my flat iron and straightened my hair. It came out great and everyone loved it. I felt like I was “me” again. So every week for the next 3 months I applied heat to keep it long and silky (WORST MISTAKE EVER!) As time went on I got tired of straightening my hair and I realized my hair shouldn’t matter. I should be able to wear my natural hair in its natural state without the concern of what anyone else thinks. So I decided I wasn’t going to straighten my hair anymore but it was too late. By the end of the 3 months My hair was heat damaged. It wasn’t curling how it used to, my ends were permanently straight and the volume of my Afro decreased dramatically. I was so upset! I damaged my hair simply to please others and meet society’s beauty standards. I believed that their opinion mattered when it didn’t. I tried to recover from the heat damage but my hair wasn’t having it. In the long run I was forced to go back to sew ins and braids until my hair was healthy again. I felt society had won. From January 2014- May 2014 I considered big chopping and starting over. Instead I ended up nursing my hair back to health, cutting the heat damaged ends off each time I took out a protective style, and avoiding heat all together. It’s now December 2014 and my hair isn’t quite as long as it was last year bc I’m still continuously cutting off the damaged hair but it’s much thicker and growing at a remarkably fast rate. With every inch I cut off I slowly start to feel more and more empowered. I realize MY natural is beautiful. My hair is curly, kinky, healthy and strong which is a lot better than most can say about theirs. I was so afraid to wear my natural hair but now I have embraced it. I still have a few haters who are simply blinded by the European standard of beauty but I could care less. You really just have to block them out. Even though I’ve embraced my natural this go around I STILL face adversity and unfortunately I don’t think that will ever change. But chin up sweetheart. Don’t let them keep you down! You and your natural hair make a beautiful team and if anyone ever tells you otherwise smile and politely tell them to fuck off!