If I’m completely honest with myself, I couldn’t be bothered with today. Everything I had to do, obligations I had to fulfil - whatever it was, I had no real inclination to do so. It was a complete struggle.
I could put it down to the tiring, never ending demands for interviews, having to then answer the same questions over and over again. It gets old, quickly. Also, the thought of Michael and Boris’ plotting against me in the cover of darkness, behind my back is playing on my mind a little. I’ll admit their duplicity hurts. Deeply. The press love it though. I wonder which of them will succeed in the quest for my poisoned chalice. I wouldn’t want to wish this diabolical situation on my enemies, so let’s see what my “friends” can do to sort it out.
As distracting as these factors may have been, rattling around my thoughts, pushing me towards an anger I’m too tired to fully acknowledge today, it wasn’t the reason behind my reluctance to be involved in anything that today had to offer me. No, I shall confess that all I had on my mind today was being able to retire here, to my study, and relive the past. Our past.
I hope you also consider it something that we shared.
Reading back through the pages that I’ve managed so far, fills me with such a fusion of emotions; and the memories I’ve recalled from the places I have tried to hide them, through the fear of them getting the best of me, has been an almost cleansing experience. However painful some of it was to reacquaint myself with, it has been important to me to revisit these moments. Looking back, I was oblivious at the time to what it meant; what anything meant. I didn’t have to time to reflect; it was all too hectic and everything was of the moment. Urgent and unrelenting. If you hesitated for even the slightest of moments you were showing doubt, uncertainty, and ultimately; a weakness. One thing you can not be seen to be in government is weak. Predators flock to pounce on the weakest. It’s the food chain. It’s politics. Easy pickings.
Now it all seems so obvious and all I can deliberate over is why did it take me so long to realise what was going on?
I think now, I was so hung up on not wanting to appear weak. Somehow I think I had convinced myself that In admitting I needed you was to show you I was fragile. My ego wouldn’t allow this.
That ego is nowhere to be seen now, worn paper thin through years of constant onslaught and attrition; as a result self disbelief now seeps through. One thing I suppose, does remain the same - I need you.
Just finished another round of debate practice, George is being a true martinet over the preparation process for these debates. I admire and appreciate the dedication he is showing to this campaign, he lives and breathes it every moment of the day, just like he was during my leadership campaign. I owe him a lot.
I can’t say I am completely sold to the idea of the debates.
I can't pretend I'm not nervous. My worry is this. Having done a bit of practice now and a lot of thinking about it, I hope the public won't feel short-changed. It looks like we might only get through eight questions in 90 minutes. I do public meetings around the country. I've done 72 of the Cameron Direct meetings now and I try and get through 25 questions in an hour.
I do worry that we may have ended up with a format that's going to be a bit slow and sluggish. I may be wrong. But I think we've got to make sure the public feel they are getting their questions answered.
A labour strategist suggested I’m a natural performer and that I am a concern for them. Surely I can’t be their main concern with having to try and prepare Gordon. I’d just worry about him if I was them.
I really could have used more caffeine this morning it seems - that and a huge hole that could have swallowed me whole in one gulp. I had one of those moments us politicians just love on the Vanessa Feltz phone in.
I came a little unstuck during the interview when a single father with three kids who is thinking of voting for the first time called in. He alleged that he's going to have to wait years for a house, and due to some administrative slip-up his family are going to have to wait even longer. I suggested that he get Gavin Barwell (Parliamentary candidate) to bang on the door of the council on his behalf, and that he should have a priority as he was looking after his kids on his own.
I was then informed by Ms Feltz that the council in question was in fact, a Tory-Led Council.
Seems I still have some way to go to convince people that the new modern Conservative party is not just a shiny wrapper, and that the contents are indeed different. I’ve tried hard to pull the party together and move them to a more current way of thinking concerning certain issues. I know i’ve come undone in the past concerning LGBT rights, believe me I still wake up in a cold sweat over that Gay Times debacle, but at this moment I really could have done without Grayling’s comments about having B&B owners turning away same sex couple. It really doesn’t help matters and words will be had with him.
Lib Dem - Manifesto Launch. Seems like the figures could just about add up. They must be taking things seriously. I guess with David Laws and Danny Alexander they do actually have quite capable people amongst their ranks.
Their reveal didn’t make the top story on the early evening news, I’m sure this will not come as a surprise to many but it will still be disappointing for them. I admit I’m fortunate in my current position, the polls have us at the top of the pile, as close as it is, we’re still top; we’re recognised as a legitimate contender - The Lib Dems are just that awkward third point to this political triptych. Trying their damndest to be heard but no one paying them much attention.
I have seen their Party Political Broadcast though, and I admit I thought it came across really well. I even found myself agreeing with Clegg momentarily; there is something about the way he comes across that does appeal - I even overheard an advisor fawning over his “sincerity and charm” and “infectious smile” earlier.
He’s asked continually whether or not Vince Cable would have been a natural choice of leader considering his popularity - something I have to be careful mentioning around George. But I think that praising Vince to the rafters is seriously to underestimate Clegg. Clegg has, in his two years as leader, transformed both his party's organisation and its image. Lib Dems are no longer seen as muesli-munching, sandal-wearing weirdos, but as serious defenders of civil liberties.
Clegg has also been brave, not flinching from public confrontation during this campaign, he was the first to agree to submit to the Paxman grilling, which he came through with flying colours. I have decided not to appear, which I’m sure will cause a lot of unnecessary hot air to be directed at me.
Up until now Clegg has had the huge disadvantage of being seen mainly in the House of Commons by the public, where the combined yobbos of Labour and the odd Tory backbencher ensure that he is never given a fair hearing. Now, that he has a chance to make his voice heard and is proving an intelligent, plausible and robust politician. I suspect, with an air of caution that Clegg could possibly emerge as the star of this election campaign, particularly after the TV debates, unless I can really cause a storm. Whether it will be enough to increase his party's chance of winning more seats is quite another matter though. I should stop this chain of thought now before I start sounding like the SPAD on the battle bus and become a fully fledged member of the Nick Clegg fan club.
If it was a fair world, then yes they too should have been topping the bill on the evening news this evening, but I’m fighting a campaign here and I’m more than pleased that their air time is a whole lot less than ours.
Hectic day yesterday. Catching up with everything this morning - too occupied last night to take stock, glad for the chance to sleep on it and reflect.
Manifesto launch done. Everyone now knows what we’re about. I think it went well, voice was a little hoarse at times, but I am confident I got everything across in the manner I had hoped. Not sure I chose the right tie though - maybe should have gone with bluer one.
**Maybe should seek advice on the best methods to keep the voice in good condition, going to need it to be at its best. Can’t be seen to not be able to hack the pace.
Labour launched their own manifesto on Monday. Launched at the new Queen Elizabeth Hospital, Birmingham, no less… Didn’t take long for Francis Maude to write to GOD to complain about the breach of the Cabinet Office’s general election guidance which prohibits election meetings from taking place on NHS premises. I think I’m inclined to agree with Andrew Lansley when he said that it was typical of the Labour party to abuse the NHS for political advantage.
This aside we all found time to chortle at the similarities between the cover of the Labour manifesto and that of Maoist iconography, maybe better than a picture of GB though, I suppose that as even Blair didn’t grace the cover of their 2005 offering they couldn’t exactly go with a gurning GB at this point in time.
This is why we decided that the simplest looking manifesto would be best route for us to take… yet Clegg still referred to it as being style over substance I understand, followed by a witty comment about not being able to trust the Conservatives because we launched at Battersea Power Station, a Power Station that doesn’t generate power… this is going to be a long campaign.
Actually, maybe that wasn’t the best idea. I also understand MT did a piece about regenerating the area along the Thames from the power station about 30 years ago… still hasn’t been regenerated. Will ask about this.
**Speak to PR Team
Looking forward to seeing Nick and co pitch their manifesto at the Bloomberg HQ at 9:30 this morning. It’s a glittering, high-tech building, and the pictures will no doubt look great, although I don’t suppose many of Bloomberg’s City customers are in favour of the Lib Dem plan to ban cash bonuses worth more than £2,500.
I think I heard that some of the Labour mob are holding a press conference this morning. I’ll miss most of that as I’ve been told that I need to do a phone in with Vanessa Feltz for BBC London.
Best get some caffeine. A lot of caffeine.
Part of my mind is still struggling to get to grips with these bloody debates. I am confident I can come across better than GB at least. Nick’s still an unknown quantity which I would be foolish to not consider a threat.
I managed a to get a quick 3 mile run in this morning and feel all the better for it, sadly I can’t see that I’m going to have the opportunity to be able to do this over the next 4 weeks. Must make a conscious effort to eat as well as being on the road campaigning will allow me, otherwise I’m going to be in all sorts of hot water with the PR Team when I start gaining pounds and can no longer fit in their approved suits.
I think they owe me one anyway, those huge billboard posters they promised me were going to aid my campaign, seem only to be providing endless opportunities for satirical graffiti artists to deface my (rather sizable, as I did try to argue at the time) fizzog with their witticisms. Although, I must admit, a few of them are rather clever. The Elvis one is my personal favourite so far. Thankfully GB seems to be getting the same treatment. Can’t recall seeing any Lib Dem ones as of yet. Must keep an eye out.
The first of the leader debates is 5 days away now, I need to work on trying to distance myself from some of the more divisive actions my party has taken in the past, focus on really trying to push the idea of joining together to act decisively and move forward with optimism as “One Nation”.
These has been bit a lot of talk at HQ that I have to be seen to win these ridiculous debates in order to clinch a majority.
A lot of people expect me to win. According to our friends at the Telegraph 44 percent of people who took their survey said I would perform the best compared to 20 percent for GB. Also I am informed that 80% of my own party reckon I will come out on top. It’s nice to know they have faith in me - well, that’s what I’m constantly telling myself and not that they’re building me up to fail so that those who err a few steps further to the right than I do, can stick in the knife with glee if defeat is the outcome of this general election. I know they’ll soon show me the door.
Well, cautiously confident I have their full backing, I’d rather have that level of support than have only 39% of my party members believing I have the best chance to emerge victorious at these debates. It must be said that Clegg really does have nothing to lose at this point. Expectations over at Cowley Street must be minimal.
I rather welcome the pressure. Keeps me on my toes to have expectation to meet - hopefully exceed.
Some would say that I run the risk that I will be judged by a higher standard than the other two. If I fail to deliver some telling blows or that I’m simply not even the star of the show, this will result in disappointment within the ranks. I;m not so sure about this sentiment. Meanwhile, if GB gives the impression of not being so dogged and dour after all, maybe some of those who have defected from Labour will be persuaded to think again. With the polls currently suggesting that this is going to be a very close result, this is an outcome I cannot afford. This is an observation I agree with, but having known and worked opposite GB for a substantial amount of time now, I am impotent to see how he can not give the impression that he is dogged and indeed dour.
What will Clegg bring to the table? I suspect a lot of people aren’t even sure what he looks like let alone know what the Lib Dems stand for. He has a fantastic platform to get this across to the masses in these debates if he can get himself taken seriously. I can imagine his PR team have just as much of a battle as GB’s; trying to curtail his animated gesticulations and i suspect constantly telling him he must keep calm. In the house he can get rather irritable and quite quickly, I’ve noticed - I may have to use this to my advantage over the next month.
Meeting with George later to go over a few things for the Manifesto launch on Tuesday, will pick his brains concerning the debates without the hoards of PR types scrutinising everything I say.
I say that as if I was never in Public Relations myself. I think they often forget this detail also.
For this reason, I really should have known that riding my bike without my helmet on the other day was a possible PR disaster… I’ll put it down as a slow news day.
