NCT 127 Yuta- Silk Sheets pt.4
Nothing could bring me down. Although this weekend started off rough, it ended nicely. I even woke up with Yuta sprawled across my bed. I didn't even care that I only had a sliver of the king sized bed. He stayed. Little did he know all he had to do was stay. I was already down in the kitchen eating some left over egg bake when Yuta walked down. He was freshly showered, already dressed for school "Anything left in the fridge?" he asked walking over to it, "Yes," I answered watching as he sighed shutting the fridge. I may have taken the last of the egg bake, I guess the chefs are still only used to cooking for six people, not seven. He sat down next to me "Share," he said and I shook my head "No."
He playfully tugs my hair "Who are you telling me no?" he teased, distracting me with his cute smile. He pulling the plate from in front of me, and the fork out my fingers before I knew it and was scarfing it down as fast as he could. "Hey!" I whined trying to reach for it back, but he could hold me off pretty well with his elbow, I had half a mind to bit him when I felt his soft lips on mine. It was enough to wipe any annoyance I had towards him. He pulled back with a smirk on his lips, loving the power that he held over me "Man, If I knew kissing you would shut you up, I should've just smacked one on you the first day you arrived," he teased before going back to the egg bake.
Mr. Lee walked in with Kate on his feet "I should be allowed to be there, I have a right!" she snapped and he just poured himself some coffee "It has nothing to deal with you, just my family," He replied. You could tell he was trying to remain calm, but he had definitely told her this more than once "I'm you're girlfriend. I'm basically family," she said and he rolled his eyes "It's a no, end of discussion," he said as if he was talking to one of us teenagers. She whirled on her foot, marching out with angry tears down her cheeks, and although her tactics were manipulative, Mr. Lee walked after her.
Yuta had seemed to lose his appetite, his fork just pushing around egg, no longer funneling it into his mouth. "He thinks he's in love..." I doubted that, "But she just emotionally abuses him. He's letting her abuse him." I looked down at my hands. I knew what it was like to watch your parent chase after someone you think would be better to run away from. "Abuse can feel like love." I remember my mom telling me this at a very young age, after she and her then boyfriend had a heated argument. I slowly looked towards Yuta who seemed to question me, "Starving people will eat anything." my words hung in the air for a second. I had to remove my gaze and rub up and down my arm to try and stay calm.
His hand reaches out and gently strokes my cheek, he didn't say anything, but I knew what was going through his mind. What kind of things did I have to go through to say these kind of things. When I think of everything, I can't help but think the same thing. "You will be loved," he whispered and suddenly the kitchen was filled with boys, and Yuta's hands were no longer against my skin. "Davin tattled, his dad called Dad this morning. On the plus side Davin won't be at school," Doyoung said and Yuta sighed "Did you tell him what happened? Davin was coming for Y/n?" Yuta asked and Doyoung nodded "Dad's pissed you hit him that hard, but glad to see you guys are getting along."
Yuta shoved his plate towards Hyuck who was eyeing it this whole time, before standing up, looking down at me. "Shall we go?" he questioned and I nodded getting up and pulling my backpack over my shoulder. We wave goodbye to the boys and head outside towards Yuta's car. Neither of us said anything, but I knew we were both still thinking about what I said. I couldn't help but be embarrassed, I almost wished I had kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to be like my mother, but at the same time she was the person who raised me. "Yuta, can I ask you something?" I break the silence with a question. One I wasn't sure if I wanted the answer to, "Sure," he replied, I look out the window "What do you think of me?"
He was quiet for a while "Ask me that a few weeks ago my answer would've been different," he started, his eyes fixed on the road "I think, life has always tried to keep you down. I mean it's been that way ever since you came into our lives, and I'm guess it wasn't the first. The comments, the stares, the universe constantly heaping on more shit. But you're resilient. You stay true to yourself. You love a good challenge and are always capable of exceeding expectations. To be brave and courageous even under scrutiny for being different, is a testament of just how big your heart actually is and your I don't give a shit about being accepted is hot as hell." he parked his car in the parking lot and finally he looked at me. "Baby." he reached across the console, his fingers brushing away tears I didn't know was falling.
I climb across the console, settling in his lap, my legs on either side of his thighs. I cupped his cheeks and tilted his head up to look at me. I lean down to connect my lips with his and me greets my lips. My hands slide down his neck to his shoulders, his fingers sliding in my hair, and then to the back of my head, kissing me harder. He kisses me like he's going to give me every kiss he wishes he could have given me in the past and every kiss he'll wish he could give me in the future. All of them, all at once. His hands drop to my back and he pulls me against him. I'm not sure where my hands are at this point. Still his shoulder's I think. Hanging on for dear life, but every other part of me other than my mouth had gone numb. The only thing I'm actually aware of is his lips on mine. The kiss is all I know.
I want him to sense the depth of my emotion behind my movements. I need him to know. My mouth moves down his neck and he groans, and I breathe in the scent of his skin, take in the taste of him and run my hands down his chest, kissing across his collar bone to the other side of his neck. My fingers play with the waistband of his pants and he catches me wrist "Yuta-" "No." he can hardly speak and when I look up at him he looks as though he almost regrets his choice "Why?" I asked innocently. "Because I don't need it." it seemed like a lie though, a obvious bulge in his pants "I know." he released my wrist to cup my face "I know." he strokes my cheek and I drop my forehead against his.
I love him.
Well, I wasn't completely sure I loved him. I'm just a teenage girl who's bad at all things concerning the art of romance. Even if I don't love him, I feel pretty damn close. I am absolutely obsessed with him, his company, he occupies my every thought. My heart beats fast when I think of seeing him again, and I could live in the joy I feel when he is around. He's the first person I loved after having my heart absolutely shattered for the first time ever. He taught me that love and pain can coexist. His eyes are so warm, so beautiful, so right. I never knew brown eyes were my favorite until I looked into his. I love everything about him, all his insecurities because without them, he wouldn't be him. He's far from perfect, a mess really, but that's okay. There isn't anything I wouldn't give to be with him. I would give up my entire universe if it meant that he was happy. There are so many things I want to say to him, but I have no idea how to string them together to form words to express them. So, instead I say nothing.
Maybe I do love him.
We get out of the car as more and more students start parking, ready for school, the two of us acting like we always did the only difference being that Yuta followed me to my class and then all the way to my first classroom. I teased him for being a stocker and he tugs my hair telling me to watch it before heading off towards his first class. I sat down in my spot next to Doyoung who had still yet to arrive, in fact he never does. I was worried about him, but I was also worried about the quiz we were going to be having Friday. I did my best to take notes that I could share with Doyoung and he wouldn't think them complete garbage. The next class drags on, boring as always but my next class had Lia in it and she already had saved me a spot next to her.
She had this smirk on her lips that made me think she was up to no good "Yes?" I asked tossing my backpack onto the floor near my feet. "People are talking about you," she said in a sing song voice, this caused me to roll my eyes "When aren't they?" I questioned. "Yuta walked you to class," she pointed out and I couldn't help the smile that climbed my lips "We live together," I replied, this causing her to roll her eyes. "Yuta never did PDA with any of the girls he hooked up with, honestly you never knew who he was with because girls could claim it but he did nothing to confirm it," she explained "But he walked you to class. He touched you. People think you're dating," she added. I felt giddy "Well, we might be. It's complicated," I muttered.
"So you two are having sex then?" she asked and I couldn't stop the heat in my cheeks "I- haven't had sex before," I replied and she looked at me questioningly "You don't believe me?" I was kind of hurt and she shook her head no "I just... Can't imagine Yuta going without sex," she said causing my heart to sink. It must have shown on my face because she was quick to backpedal "I'm sure he is, why wouldn't he be faithful. Just forget what I said, stupid mouth," she said hitting her lips as if they had a mind of their own. She reached over and took my hand "Don't be mad at me," she said obviously worried and I shook my head "It's alright, I'm not mad," I assured her, because it was true, I wasn't mad, I just hadn't thought about that. I spent the rest of my classes thinking about if Yuta was going to be hooking up with other women behind my back. Honestly, I wouldn't mind putting out, but Yuta seemed to be against this idea. Probably because I wouldn't be as good as other girls who have gone that far before, I would be completely clueless.
The bell rang, signaling that it was lunch time now. I stopped at my locker to leave my things in there before walking towards the large cafeteria. I looked through the food that was being offered and buying whatever looked god before sitting down in the corner of the room where Lia and I always sit by ourselves, only to find that Yuta was already sitting there with his friend Johnny. I sat down next to him and he gave me a smile, but still listening to Johnny go on about the club he went to last night. Yuta's fingers brush against my cheek, pulling my hair back behind my ear, his eyes not leaving Johnny. I started eating my salad when Lia sat down across from me "He's sitting with us now?" she whispered with a smirk and I shrugged my shoulders.
"Lia's been there," Johnny said catching my attention now "Shut your mouth Seo," Lia replied but her cheeks were now red, but this just seemed to egg him on "She's one of the hottest dancers. They put her in those cages where you can look but not touch," he explained and I looked towards her questioningly, waiting for her to explain. "It's nice to feel hot," she said with a shrug of her shoulders "I want to go," I said and she looked at me in disbelief "I like dancing," I added. Her embarrassment seems to disappear from that "We could go tonight," she replied and I looked at Yuta "Do you think your Dad cares?" I asked and he shrugged looking a little grumpy "What?" I asked and he blew out his cheeks, but held his tongue.
"Yuta cares," Johnny said with a chuckle and on closer inspection it did seem as though Yuta was jealous "With all the things I think about, I can't imagine what perverts would think, especially if she's dancing sexily," he explained and Lia giggled "That's the point of the cage, they can't do anything to us," she countered. The two of them went back and forth like that for the rest of the lunch period and I couldn't help but laugh at the two of them. Regardless of what the other says, I am going to do whatever I feel like doing, but it felt nice to have people care and think about me. Yuta walked me to my class and everyone was hyper focused on the way our arms brushed against each other as we walked, myself included.
When we got to my classroom I muttered a bye before heading into the classroom, but he grabbed my elbow, causing me to turn and stand in front of him. "Yes?" I asked but it wasn't a second later his lips were pressed against mine, and before I could wrap my head around it his mouth was no longer on mine. "See you later," he whispered letting go of me, and walking off towards his classroom. Everyone was looking between the two of us and whispering to whoever they were hanging out with. I just smiled and walking into my classroom. School dragged on, so when the last bell rang I was more than excited to go home, expect someone was following me "Hello?" I asked, slowing down to walk side by side with him "hey," he said with a smirk.
"Do I know you?" I asked and he smirked "Jino," he said leaning against the locker next to mine "Can I ask you a question?" he said and I shrug "I guess." I shut my locker to give him my full attention. "I'm just wondering whether you started with Hyuck and moved up the royal age ladder or are you just jumping around." Rage filled my chest "Screw you." he smirked holding up his hands in peace "I'm more than willing, doll, but my last name isn't Lee." I resist the urge to lock my fist and swing into his face "Seriously, shove it." I turn around and run right into Yuta. He looked at my face, and then at the guy who was talking to me "What'd you say to her?" he asked and I reach out to grab his arm "It's nothing, let's just go," I said.
"I'm willing to take her off your hands when you Lee's are done with her," the boy repeated and I felt my hands tighten around Yuta's arm and before I know it his fist is flying knocking the guy's head straight into the locker. But it didn't stop there, once the kid was on the ground his fists were connecting with his face. "Yuta!" I tried to grab him, make him stop before the kid would need to reconstruct his whole face, but he was stronger than me. It took both of his brother's to pull him off the kid and by that time the principle had already arrived. "Yuta- My office, someone get this kid to the nurse," the principle said glaring at Yuta as she walked past. "Fine." he didn't even remove his eyes from the kid on the ground until he rounded the corner "What happened?" Hyuck questioned.
"Don't say shit about Y/n I guess," the boy said as some guys helped him up "She must be awesome in bed," the other remarked. I'm tempted to throw fists like Yuta had just done, but we had bigger problems now. "Dad's going to be pissed," Mark muttered, "I got it." I run towards the principle's office just as she kicked Yuta out, saying she was going to call his dad in. He throws himself down in the chair outside of the office almost as if he was bored with this place. I slowly sit down next to him "What's going to happen?" I asked worried, he basically assaulted that guy, he could expelled for that. "Dad'll come in, wave his checkbook and it'll all disappear," he answered as if this has happened over and over. Money really could buy anything. "Huh" I relaxed into the seat "He's going to rip me a new asshole though. Threaten to send me to boot camp or something," he said with a sigh, I could tell he didn't really care what happened "I don't want you to go," I whispered. He had become my one good thing.
I didn't know whether he heard me or not as the principle stepped out to wait with us. None of us spoke as Mr. Lee walked up, glaring daggers at Yuta "First Davin, now this?" he asked getting Yuta to roll his eyes. "Y/n, why are you here?" Mr. Lee asked calmly and I stood up "It's my fault..." I apologized to both of the adults, but Yuta didn't like it one bit. He shot out of his seat like someone lit a fire under his chair "It is not your fault," he said sternly, but I ignored him "He was.. defending my honor or something, it was stupid." I looked right at him when I said the last part. "All of you, let's speak in the office," the principle said with discomfort underlying her voice, I looked around to see a lot of nosy onlookers "Right." Mr. Lee placed his hands on either of our shoulders and pushed us after the principle into her office.
"Your son bashed another kid's face in, and last I heard he probably has a concussion." Mr. Lee sighed rubbing his forehead "What did I say about violence Yuta?" he questioned his son, but Yuta was having none of it "The prick was making sexual remarks about Y/n, to her fucking face," he blew a fuse "And he's not the first fucking dickhead. Everyone around her calls her a slut, I'm surprised none of the teachers have said anything," He said glaring at the principle who shifted uncomfortably, letting us all know that she knew this had been happening "And you didn't even know that you were forcing her to go to this school where she was literally bullied every day? Do you pay attention to any of us?" he snapped now looking towards his father.
"You can't just throw fists, we've talked about this," Mr. Lee was trying to remain calm but it was clear he was on thin ice with Yuta, but he looked towards me, almost apologetically "Is it true? Have they been harassing you?" he asked and I awkwardly rubbed my arm "Uh- Yeah," I answered blushing, embarrassed that I had to let Yuta take care of it for me. "So how about this. I let it go that you've let students bully my daughter," Mr. Lee said talking business with the principle "In addition to a check. And you let me deal with my son," he said placing a firm hand on Yuta's shoulder. The principle hesitated "I suppose that would work out," she said and Mr. Lee threw the check he had obviously written before even coming here before ushering the two of us out of the room.
"I've had it with you," Mr. Lee said to Yuta as we walked down the empty halls "I've had it with you," Yuta replied rolling his eyes "Go on, tell me how mom would hate it, and that you're going to send me to military school," Yuta said shoving his hands in his pockets. Mr. Lee chuckled "Apparently my threats me nothing to you... Maybe I should just send off Hyuck or Mark." Yuta's gaze intense on his father as if he was trying to see how real that threat was, and Mr. Lee stood firm "Clearly you don't care what happens to you, but what if I send those boys away?" he asked and Yuta waited to see his bluff. "You wouldn't," Yuta whispered and Mr. Lee quirked "You think I don't have paperwork filled out for all you boys?" Mr. Lee replied.
I know I haven't been here long, by the end of this month that'll be a full two months since Mr. Lee had dragged me out of the strip club, but I didn't like the idea of being the only one left in the whole house. Those kinds of threats makes my heart race with running. The two of them looked away from each other "Y/n come with me," Mr. Lee said directing me towards his car while Yuta headed towards his "I left a lot of things in Yuta's car," I mumbled, "We are both going home, besides I have some business with you," he said opening the passenger side door. I climbed into the backseat and he followed after me before directing the driver to bring us home. He pulled a roll of cash out of his pocket "I believe this is owed," he said placing it on the seat between us. I had almost forgotten the deal we had between the two of us, "Right." I take the heavy roll and hide it in the bottom of my backpack, next to the other ten.
"I think they're hurting," I whispered looking down at my lap "Taeyong's anxiety is obvious in his face, but it rises when he's with family. Yuta gets so angry, blinded by red rage. Mark is so stoned I'm not even sure I've met him not under the influence. Hyuck... Annoys the shit out of people because it's easier to chase people away then have them close and walk away." I look out the window the moment I feel his gaze on me "I'm not saying their actions are okay, but I think they act out because they hurt." I looked towards him to see his face had softened "I'm not winning father of the year am I?" he asked brushing his fingers through his hair "You have seven teens, I don't know if it'd be possible," I joked getting the mood lighten.
"I just feel like Yuta doesn't respect me." He doesn't. Clearly. But In his mind he has valid reasons to think his father is a piece of shit, it's better if his dad is shit than him. "I don't know who Yuta respects," I replied with a shrug and he chuckled "I'm sorry if he's given you grief, he's a good boy. His heart is big," he said. He took a deep breath before releasing it as if he could physically change the topic of conversation "I have a surprise for you," he said and I quirked an eyebrow as we drove through the front gates, parking next to all the other cars. The two of us got out and next to me was a convertible, in a dark navy color, I couldn't help but take a second to admire it. "Beauty ain't she?" Mr. Lee asked walking around to stand next to me "Why don't you take your new car for a spin?" he asked with a smile and my eyes widened "My car?" I questioned.
Only then did I notice that all the boys were gathered around with smiles on their lips, "Now you don't have to rely on those boys to bring you everywhere," he said holding out a key towards me. "Thank you..." I was lost for words as the keys fell into my palms, it was overwhelming for me to get a gift of this measure. Yuta climbed into the passenger side "Let's go," he said leaning over the driver's seat to open the door. "We need to talk when you get home Yuta," Mr. Lee said as I got into the car, behind the wheel, I can't remember the last time I drove a car. Probably when I went to take my driver's license test, or one of my mom's boyfriend's cars. I couldn't remember. I put the key in and turned, causing the car to roar to life, I start driving out the gate, onto the main road.
I drove us around the block, which takes a lot more time than you'd expect because all the houses are as massive as our palace, and have large fencing around them. I refused to go over 25 miles an hour because I was actually quite nervous driving. "Are you a grandma or what?" Yuta teased, I didn't even need to look away from the road to know he was smirking "I'm... kind of scared of driving. Mom never had a car, I only learned from several of her boyfriend's who thought it was funny to teach me." I admitted, I hated sharing my faults, but with Yuta, it seems the more he knows about you, the more he's willing to share of himself. "Well... Lucky you have me then," he said and I couldn't help but smile a little bit, but I couldn't help but think about what Lia had said "Do I have you?" I asked.
I felt his thumb brush my cheek "Yeah, you do," he answered making my heart skip a beat "And only I have you?" I questioned as I parked the car next to all the other Lee cars. He looked at me with his eyebrows furrowed "Do you think I have others?" he questioned and I blushed refusing to look at him and he sighed "I don't have others, I don't want others, I just want you," he admitted. I turn my head to the side to look him in the eyes "I only want you," I replied. Mr. Lee walked out of the house "What do you think?" he asked and I smiled "It's lovely, you really didn't have to do that," I told him. "How about we celebrate over dinner?" he asked and I almost agreed when Yuta got out of the car slamming the door "Y/n was telling me about going to Lia's," Yuta said.
"Lia? Who's Lia?" Mr. Lee asked looking at me "She's my friend," I answered shyly "She wanted me to go dancing with her," I added. He smiled "Well, I'm glad you have friends and plans," Mr. Lee said before placing his hand on Yuta's shoulder "You on the other hand must come with me to my study," he said in a stern tone. I took this as my cue to leave, backing the car out of the driveway, across town to where I knew Lia lived, texting her that I was outside her house in my new car. She came to the door and pulled me up to her room where the two of us got ready to go dancing. She tore threw her closet finding the sluttiest outfits she could find, dressing the two of us before I applied our make up like I was back at the strip club.
I let her drive my new car to the club where she dances. We walked inside, the music so loud it was hard to tell the difference between the sound and my own heartbeat. She took my hand and we walked over towards the DJ and the stage "we want to dance!" she said giving him a smile and he held up two fingers. She thanked him and walked over to the bar ordering us some drinks, whatever she asked for was strong and burned going down, but it made me feel warm inside. The drink did help me relax a little bit, getting me to sway side to side along the music. Eventually the songs past and it was our turn to climb into the plastic cage. You could see the eager men's eyes, and suddenly I felt like I was back at the strip club. I let my hips swing along to the music, definitely giving the men closest to us a peek of what was under my short skirt.
My arms move, hands dragging over my body, my head swaying around. The men were whistling and excited which made me smirk, it definitely was a confidence boost. I looked over at Lia and she was also dancing her heart out. She looked at me and suddenly we were dancing together getting the crowd to grow even more excited, but the two of us were just giggling. We were up there for a full three songs before we were let out of the cage, both of us strutting past everyone who were trying to chat us up. We sat down at a more secluded part of the bar, talking about the performance we had just given. "Well, you guys weren't lying," Johnny said walking over carrying two water bottles, one for each of us "The strip club thing wasn't fake then?" he asked me and I shrugged, wanting to keep him guessing but his eyes landed on Lia "And who knew miss invisible knew how to dance," he said sliding into the seat next to her.
"There must be a lot of you to uncover," he said as his eyes travelled over her, and her cheeks were red "You wish Seo," she said getting him to smirk "Don't be like that baby," he said getting her to squeal "Shut up," she said before looking towards me "Make him go away," she whispered but I could see the smile on her lips "I don't know. He's kind of handsome," I said leaning on my fist "How about you give us a show?" I requested. He shrugged off his sweatshirt placing it over Lia's shoulders "If that's what you want," he replied with a smirk. He didn't even wait or as the DJ before getting into the cage himself, the song pony playing, you know the one from magic Mike. He wasted no time removing his shirt and dancing as if we were in some kind of male strip club. Lia said that it was embarrassing but I could see that she was still watching even from behind her fingers.
"What do you think?" I asked her and she shook her head "He's a slut, clearly," she state motioning over towards him "B-but he is charming," she answered honestly getting me to giggle "Keep him on his toes. Really make him work for it," I replied. He only did a single song before walking back over to us, sweat dripping down his beautifully sculpted abs "See.. Not the only one that can dance," he said breathing heavily. He slid back into the seat next to her "Maybe we should go together," he said with a smirk and she shook her head, heat radiating off of her. I then noticed a recognizable face, Doyoung? "I'll be back," I said to the two of them, but they hardly heard over Johnny's persistent flirting. I wondered why he had been here but nowhere else today. I pushed through the crowd and waved at him, he nods his head but makes no move to meet me.
I watch as he walked out a back door with two other men that I couldn't make out. My stomach felt sick. I rushed towards the door and push the door open to see we were in a dark ally. I heard aggressive voices and slowly walked into the darkness "Just give me a few more days," Doyoung said, "We gave you time you shit, and we know your dad has the cash," a man snapped and I heard a snap of a switch knife. My heart started pounding in my chest. This was a shakedown. "Look, I'll get you the 18k, just give me-" "You shouldn't have promised the cash boy," Another voice and suddenly I was standing in the center of all three of them "y/n?" Doyoung asked and I looked towards the older and more rough looking men. Whatever this was is shady as hell "Give us her and the deal is fine," one of them said with a smirk.
"I have the cash," I said and they raised an eyebrow "You said 18k right? I have it, in cash," I repeated, my eye looking at the knife "We can be square then yeah?" I asked. Doyoung sighed "Y/n-" "Fine," the man said and I took Doyoung's arm and led all of them around the building towards my car "What do you have in your car?" Doyoung whispered but I ignored him, trying to listen to what the men behind us were talking about, because I did not trust them one bit, that's what my mom's druglord boyfriend will do to you. We get to the car and I unlock it before digging in my backpack which was in the backseat. My hands were shaking so much it was difficult to pull out the stacks of cash. I sighed before just ripping my bag open to reveal it all, "Why the hell do you have so much cash on you?" Doyoung asked looking over my shoulder.
I took out the money and handed it over to the man with the knife. Him and his buddy took their time counting out. "It's all there," Doyoung snapped annoyed and they chuckled "You're lucky you had someone to bail you out pretty boy, otherwise you'd be a pool," the man said before snapping his knife closed and I felt like I could breath again. "Why do you have so much money?" Doyoung asked but I was annoyed with him "Don't talk to me," I snapped pulling out my phone "You saved my ass," he said clearly ignoring me while I texted Lia asking her to leave. "Look I'll pay you back," he said but I shook my head "How could you get involved with suspicious people like that?" I snapped with angry tears, I put my hand up when his mouth opened "I don't want to hear," I whispered.
My phone buzzed in my hand and Lia told me that Johnny offered to bring her home and she accepted. I climbed into my car "Get in," I said and he sighed "I'm sorry-" "Get in the car," I said sternly letting him know that I wasn't going to let him change my mind. He didn't say anything as he got into the passenger side of my car. "Don't do shit like that," I whispered as angry tears rolling down my cheeks, I pulled out of the parking lot, trying to calm down. Doyoung didn't try to talk to me again for the whole ride and I was able to get the tears to stop and my breathing to become regular. I parked the car and the two of us got out of the car "Don't say anything to Mr. Lee," Doyoung asked but I didn't even acknowledge that he had spoken, just heading towards the front doors. I got in and started up the stairs Yuta coming to the balcony to greet me but I walk past him towards my room.
"Y/n?" he questioned, but I just shut the door before walking into the bathroom, ripping my clothes off and climbing into the hot shower. I tried to wash away everything, but I just felt heavy. I changed into my silk pajama's before climbing under the heavy covers. I only had 2,000 dollars, which is just barely enough for me to set up if I had to run away, but I don't think that's even what upset me the most. I think that what got to me was that, no matter how far I run from my old life, it always seems to follow me around. Somehow, I felt like I was cursed, that What happened to Doyoung only happened because I had come into their lives. Maybe I should leave before any of the other boys get in trouble.
I've never had many people I could count on, everyone either let me down or would eventually run out of lies to tell me. Which sucked because as a little girl I wanted so badly to believe in something more than my own words. At least when I said something it was the truth. No matter how horrible my day was or how long I worked, my own motivation carried me throughout each second of my life. It's a tiresome act and walking on wires becomes a deathly adventure if you happen to hold onto too much of what needs letting go. I have a lot going for me now though, and this was only a reminder of what was, to keep me going forward.
I heard the door crack open, but I refused to open my eyes, hoping that pretending to be asleep would make the person leave. I heard the door close and I let out the sigh I was holding in. That's when I heard the footsteps, but I recognized them, and the indent in my bed. I felt his arms wrap around my middle pulling me to his chest. "You saved my brother," Yuta whispered into the back of my head, and I shake my head, trying to shake out the emotions that were bottling up. "Thank you," he added and everything fell out of me, I started sobbing, hugging my blankets to my chest. Perhaps I had PTSD of things that happened with my mother, or the fact that I hated this kind of life followed me around.
My sobs were muffled into my comforter and Yuta was holding me to his chest, every muscle tense as if he didn't know what to do. He rolled me around so I was facing him, pulling me into his chest, my tears staining his shirt. "Were you scared? Or what happened? I mean Doyoung explained but you-" "I don't want to do it anymore," I sobbed into his chest. He stroked the top of my head "Do what baby?" he asked and I sniffled "I don't want to be the poor stripping girl who's fighting to live her life. Who's trying to survive," I said. Not that life owed me for how my childhood was, but it just felt entirely unfair. Like life has a way of putting people down and then keeping them down.
"I'm sorry," he whispered running his fingers through my hair, "But I don't see you like that," he said getting me to laugh into his chest "You slut shamed me for the first few weeks I was here," I said finally beginning to calm down. I peel myself from his chest to look at him, his hand coming to caress my cheek and remove my tears. "I was trying to convince myself that you weren't everything I was looking for," he replied shaking his head "I wanted to deny it because I didn't want to bring you down with me. If you haven't noticed I'm like the Hulk," he said before pulling me closer so our lips were inches from each other "But it doesn't feel right to sleep without you, especially when your room is across from mine." His hand threads in my hair, his right hand under me and around my waist.
His lips press to mine and I felt as though I was dipped in gold, like I'm diving into an ocean of emotions and I'm so swept up in the current to realize I'm drowning and nothing even matters anymore. Not my tears that were dried to my cheeks, or this room that I still don't feel like is mine, not the money I had lost even though I only got it, not my worries of whats to become of me. The only thing that matters is this. This kiss. This moment. These lips. This strong body pressed against mine, firm hands bringing me closer and I know I want so much more of him, I want all of him, I want to feel the beauty of this love with the tips of my fingers and the palms of my hands and every fiber of my bone and being. I want all of it.
I reach out and pull him towards me, but he recoils "Baby," he said as my lips travel to his neck. I steals the words from his throat as I climb on top of him, my legs on either sides of his hips, chests pressed against each other. I roll my body against his and his hands come to catch my waist and hold me in place. I pout against his neck and collapse on top of him "Why," I whispered, I lift my head to look at him "You've hooked up with other people, why not me?" I asked with tears welling up in my eyes again. He groans throwing his head back "You're not like those other girls," he answered sitting up with me in his lap "You're not just some warm body I want to use for relief, you're... my girl and I know it's your first time, so I want it to be..." he looked like he was swimming for words "Special," I asked and I could see the slight blush in his cheeks.
He looked up into my eyes "I want it to be special for you. I want you to be able to do it with someone you love and who cares about you. I want it to be romantic, I want your heart to flutter. I don't want you to lose it because it'll feel better than what you're feeling now. I don't want it to be for relief." he wraps his arms around my waist and buries his head into my chest "So quit saying I don't want you. That's the furthest from the truth," He mumbled against my shirt. I smiled at him clinging to me like a child to his mother, and I ran my fingers through his hair "You're going soft," I teased him and he huffed "Who's fault would that be?" he questioned.