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you said forever (n. yt)

here it is! the finished work of ‘you said forever’

Pairing: Nakamoto Yuta x female Reader (y/n)

Summary: It’s been six years being with Yuta. Things were great until you noticed him changing. He’s become distant and broody, nothing like the man you’ve fallen in love with. Jaehyun tends to comfort you while Yuta tries to ignore the fallen pieces of what used to be love.

Length: 7,700+ words

Tags/Warnings: non idol universe, college au, angst, slow burn, Yuta is a dick, reader is in denial, reader spiraling out of control, substance abuse (alcohol, weed, cigarettes), sexual situations under the influence, ugh such a toxic relationship

Please don’t read if substance abuse is triggering to you!

Minors do not interact!

Author’s Note: This is not intended to romanticize or glamorize substance abuse or toxic behavior in relationships. Do not base your ideals on fictional pieces of work, but on the same note just because it’s fiction doesn’t mean someone hasn’t been through similar situations. If you’re in a toxic relationship (whether it be romantic or not) please get out of the situation and or find security in someone else to confide in. Of all the people in the world, the most important person to love is yourself, take care of yourself first before anyone else. Also if you are struggling with substance abuse please seek resources to help aid your healing journey. If you are not ready to start, it’s okay, one day you will- you aren’t alone. All of this is easier said than done of course, but everything is a process, take things at your own pace.

Also: Lowkey I wrote this while struggling with trying to quit vaping. heavily based on some of my experiences as well as a few other friends who have been going through tough times/ breakups in their respective relationships. Feedback is welcome, but please be kind considering it is based on others’ very real experiences

*All works are fictional and do not reflect how these real people are in real life. Names of real people are meant to be used merely as faces for names, and are in no way meant to portray their real personalities or actions*

***lowkey part 2 not fully proofread by all beta readers

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“Yuta, please,” you whined trying to move from under him to attempt to spark some friction between your warm bodies.

“Just stay fucking still, damn,” he muttered while trying to shove a condom onto himself. You start getting annoyed due to impatience.

“You’ve done this like what? Nothing short of a thousand times why can’t you get it on now?” you rolled your eyes.

“Just shut up, for the love of God, please shut the hell up,” he punches the space on the bed next to your face, not even looking up at you.

“What is your deal?” you yell pushing him off of you and rolling the blanket up to cover your naked body from his wavering eyes. He was breathing heavily, eyes closed while his fists balled, shaking in anger.

“You know what, I don’t want to do this right now. I’m not in the mood,” he stands up looking for his boxers. You scoffed.

“That’s not what you said about five minutes ago bursting into the room demanding that I take my pants off? Need I remind you that YOU started this?”

Maybe it was the mental disconnect between the two of you lately. Maybe it was him not listening to you. Maybe it’s the pent up sexual frustration from months of Yuta not listening or caring about you. It’s not hard to notice how inattentive he’s been lately. He’s constantly bouncing a leg and looking up at a clock to see what time it is when you are with him. The constant secrecy when it came to leaving or checking his phone. The ambushed accusations when you question his actions.

As much as it pained you to say it, this wasn’t the man you fell in love with.

“I just don’t feel in the mood anymore God damn is that such a crime?” He continues looking for his clothes from the floor, refusing to look at your sad eyes.

“You’ve never not been in the mood for me,” you quietly whisper.

“Well maybe you should get off your high horse and remember that my sex drive doesn’t revolve around you,” he finally meets your eyes as he stands before you fully clothed, “I’m going out. I need some air.”

You find yourself unable to move from your spot in bed. The empty feeling of the bed, rather the whole apartment was jarring. You don’t know when this exactly started. Maybe eight months ago? It was around June, after you came back from his best friend’s destination wedding in the Bahamas. The trip was great, it was the time you really started planning out and envisioning your future with Yuta.

You saw an end goal with Yuta. You wanted the grand wedding, the drama from unveiling who out of your friend group would be your bridesmaids, the wedding cake testing, picking out centerpieces for all the tables, deciding where you both should honeymoon.

But you also wanted kids- four to be exact. You want the white picket fence, a family dog, and be the PTA president for your kids’ school. You wanted to grow old together, you wanted to be endlessly in love, forever.

“Do you want to do this one day?” Yuta asked while sitting next to you on the beach. He had one arm around you and the other swirling a bottle of beer taking a sip every now and then.

“Go to the beach? Hell yeah everyday,” you shoot him a gummy drunk smile up at him.

“No silly, I mean like having a big wedding,” he stares off into the sunset.

The wedding reception was still in full swing behind you two.You can hear Johnny’s baritone voice booming over everyone and the speakers yelling the lyrics of a kpop song. You look back for a moment to catch his newlywed wife dancing with her heels in hand and tripping over the train of her dress. Chuckling softly at the sight, you’re exhausted just watching them. It’s a good thing you both decided to take a break from dancing- and the open bar- to sit in the sand.

“Of course who doesn’t,” Yuta looks at you longingly as you continue, “But honestly I don’t really care how grand we celebrate our love,” you look back up at him, “I just want to be with you forever.”

“I’ll always love you, forever,” his eyes flickering down to your lips before meeting yours, “I want forever with you.”

“Really?”

“Forever y/n,” you push him lightly as he continues to admire you, “I’m dead serious. There’s nothing,” he pushed a stray hair away from your face, “nothing, that will ever become between us. You’re stuck with me forever.”

Tears prick your eyes threatening to fall. What had you done to make him feel that repulsed by you? Feeling disgusted by how you were treated, you slowly make your way to the kitchen after dressing yourself. Sighing, you open a bottle of wine and pour a tall glass. Walking over to the living room couch you dig deep into the space between the right cushions. Feeling around you find a small black device. Making your way to the sliding door, you are greeted by the feeling of a light wind. Plopping down on one of the chairs, you kick your legs up on the ledge and take a deep drag.

When you first met Yuta, you were a wild child. A mere high school junior doing anything for attention, whether or not it be good or bad. You would meet your friends behind the football field under the bleachers to smoke cigarettes. The taste would be repulsive but you liked the feeling of nicotine relaxing you.

It would be the new kid, Yuta, who was lost trying to find his class as the tardy bell rang that would collide into you causing everything in your tote, including the pack of cigarettes, to fall out of your bag. He would apologize profusely until he laid eyes on the small red and white box.

“Please don’t tell anyone,” you begged.

“Sure,” he stands up after helping you collect your things, “as long as you let me join you for a quick smoke? I’m pretty anxious right now, it’s my first day here,” You eyed him suspiciously, “Nakamoto Yuta,” he smiles.

“Well Yuta, you’re very lucky my English teacher favors me,” you gave in while taking a quick look around you making sure the coast was clear before taking his arm and tugging it towards the far end of the campus, “let’s make it a quick one, I have questions about the reading.”

You didn’t really know why you agreed to skip, but you shrugged and pulled him along to your regular spot. You stared up at him through your lashes as he lit up the end of your cig.

Your mind screamed at you to not let out a cough. Lungs felt like they were on fire, but the mission to prove yourself as a bad ass was proving to be a difficult task. Your mind tried to focus on anything in your surroundings to avoid the impending hurl that was stuck in your throat.

He was outstandingly handsome. His hair was a deep shade of red, his stature was tall and demanded attention, and wow was he incredibly hot.

“Ya know, this stuff can be really bad for you, princess.”

“Didn’t peg you as the type to judge much,” you bit back, “besides, you're one to talk.”

“I guess I didn’t peg you as the type to want to poison your body with this kind of stuff,” he tilted his head while watching you breathing in the smoke.

Well, maybe because you weren’t one to do this kind of stuff. Unbeknownst to Yuta, the only reason why you had the package in your possession was because you were holding onto the pack of cigarettes for a friend who was getting their locker searched by faculty. No one would ever question goody two shoes you, with something so outlandish. This being your third time actually having a go at smoking, you think you may have had him fooled. Again, you don’t know what compelled you to keep up this façade, you had only met him, but something was alluring and intriguing about Yuta.

Every ounce of common sense screamed at you to run the moment he proposed to finish a pre-rolled joint he was saving for later. But again, you found yourself merely nodding and leaning forward with your lips pressed to the end, struggling to suck in.

Yuta was a big red button with a large sign that said DO NOT PRESS on it, and at that moment you couldn’t read. All you saw was the shiny red button.

“Well, we all have our reasons don’t we.”

Next thing you know, you two were skipping third period everyday to smoke under the bleachers. Hooked on both smoke and the memories to be made with Yuta. You shared your deepest and darkest secrets to your most embarrassing moments. From you opening up about your parents’ divorce to him delving into his reasons for moving to town. He was so mundane yet alluring, every time you looked forward to the next crumb of him you could piece together.

Yuta found you absolutely fascinating in every way, never meeting someone so light as a feather, unaware of their outside bubble. You were untouched by the harsh outside world. You had everything he has ever wanted, the money, status, social life, and a family. As he would listen to you drone for hours about someone wearing the same prom dress as you, it was amusing- it really was your world and he was just lucky to be existing in the same timeline as you.

But for some reason you were envious of his aura, free spirit. His tenacity and relentlessness was refreshing in your small town. He was intimidating yet everything everyone was too scared to be. If someone looked at you too long in the hallways he would scare them away. He carried your bag and walked you to each class. He read your essays and made edits to them, he would even help you study, staying up numerous long nights with you for an exam.

However, out of the long list of reasons to fall in love with Yuta, what you yearned for most was his freedom. You admired how in control he was in his life unlike you, where everyone made their minds up for you. While he fended for himself most of his life, and worked for everything he has owned, you were given everything on a silver platter. Everything was premeditated before you were born, a picture perfect daughter in a picture perfect family. Your private tutor chose your course selections, you took horse riding lessons at a young age, excelled at every talent or skill. Maybe you liked how you would have to go out of your way to impress him. A small smirk of a reaction or a small follow up question during your stories. You liked the challenge that he provided, you loved proving every assumption he had of you wrong. Instead of the never ending competition of who is the best with all your peers, to capture the admiration of someone who didn’t have it like you was addicting. To have Yuta’s approval, his love, would be the most satisfying of them all. And maybe that was the most delicious thing about Yuta, his undivided attention for you. You were the most interesting thing to him, and he loved that.

–

It wasn’t until college, one of your close friends, Lucas, got really sick from smoking cigarettes that you two realized the severity of your addiction and the consequences of long term use. From there, you both decided to quit. Vaping was a short lived trial and error, proving it only easier to get your nicotine fix. There were nights you would wake up in cold sweats, Yuta laying beside you also wide awake unable to subdue his racing mind with the thoughts of wanting to smoke. That’s when you would have late night talks, laughing at memories of your early love, catching each other up on the other’s friend drama, and eventually fall asleep in one another’s arms. It was a process for you both, but it was a commitment you both were ready to make.

Slowly but surely you both just stopped. You were happy being each other’s fill in your respective voids, something nicotine couldn’t quite do anymore.

Then things started changing. You found him being late for dates and birthdays. He started leaving your shared apartment earlier and earlier and returning later and later. There would be some days where you would wake up without him and fall asleep without him next to you. You tried keeping up your end of the relationship, pushing down the feeling of jealousy and overthinking. That is for a while.

At 7:00pm sharp everyday you sat at the dinner table, food perfectly portioned for two. As the minutes tick by on the clock above your head, the steam from the rice mellowed, you would eat your cold meal alone, saran wrapping his plate with a note of how long to heat it up in the microwave.

Eight months ago, when all of this arguing started, you found yourself in front of a smoke shop. You stayed in the car debating back and forth if you would truly be giving up three and a half years of being clean. But things were so hard with Yuta. He was lashing out frequently, wanted to be around you less, and when he was with you he brushed you off or treated you like shit.

It seemed as though Yuta just was no longer your release of dopamine.

Finally deciding to say fuck it, you walk in and buy a vape to cut the edge off of whatever funk Yuta was in and keep your own sanity. You consistently felt guilty never telling him about your relapse but you couldn’t help but feel like he too had his own secrets.

There was this one time that you came home to find him staring blankly at the TV. His hands were gripped around a glass, his eyes refusing to meet yours.

“Where the fuck have you been,” he gruffly asks.

“I told you I went to dinner with my mom,” placing your purse on the counter and walking to the fridge, “did you eat yet?”

“Of course you did,” he scoffed.

“Of course I what?”

“You don’t need to act like I don’t know, I saw you,” he chuckles, “what’s his name?”

“What are you talking about Yuta? Taeil? That’s my brother, you know him? He came to dinner a couple months ago to meet you,” turning to look at him.

“Just admit that you’re jealous of me going out with the guys,” he lulls his head around to look at you, “It’s making you look pathetic.”

“I truly am not.”

You definitely were.

“If you want to meet up with your ex you can,” he sighs standing up and wobbling towards you, “because I definitely met up with Karina last night.”

Your throat tightened at his confession, “well, why did you do that?”

“Because you don’t love me anymore,” his breath fans your face, a wave of soju pinches your nose.

“So... you cheated on me,” you whisper as you try not to cry.

“No I didn’t. But I should have.”

Ouch.

“Then why didn’t you? If you believe that I don’t love you anymore?” you finally asked.

“Because for some reason, some dumb reason…” he trailed while his eyes searched your body, “I still feel something towards you,” in that moment Yuta crumbled. His eyes filled with tears, words stuttered after one another, “why don’t you love me any more?”

“I do love you Yuta I truly do,” you folded upon seeing his broken state, immediately cooing to him as you held him in your arms, “I really was with Taeil,” Yuta sobbed more into your chest, “and thank you for not cheating on me, I still love you.”

He duly nodded into your frame as you stared past him out through the window.

You really hoped deep down he believed you. But it was kind of hard considering they were both lies.

Yuta tried to believe you, with every fiber in his body. But he’’s not dumb, he knew what Jeong Jaehyun looks like. And there’s a burning image of Jaehyun kissing you outside your car at the restaurant.

---

You finished about half of the bottle of wine by the time Yuta came back home.

“Hey.”

“Where did you go?”

“I just came back to grab a bag, staying at Mark’s for a few,” he said without looking at you.

“Oh…okay,” you whispered looking back out into the city.

“I’ll see you in a couple days…I guess…” he shuffled around picking up a packed duffle back from the shoe closet.

So this was something preplanned…

“Be safe, I’m going to head to work,” you wiped the stray tears that managed to escape and hide your vape back in between the cushions before he could see.

“I thought you don’t work on Saturdays?” he asked while tilting his head at you.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t go there. I have friends working right now and I can keep them company.”

“Ahh how is Jisoo?” he smiled.

“She actually stopped working there a couple weeks ago, I told you this the other day,” you muttered while looking for your purse, “just some others you haven't met yet.”

“Oh you mean Jaehyun?” he narrowed his eyes while you visibly stiffened, “I’ve met him a couple times.”

“Yeah he might be there, but I meant like Rose and Lisa,” you snatched a hoodie and walked past him, “see you soon, say hi to Mark for me.”

–

“Wait so back up, he couldn’t get it up for you?” she gasped while holding onto a mop.

“Yes!” you groaned, “I feel so ugly. I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong Lisa…” you grumbled as you sat at the bar of the coffee shop. Lisa standing behind the counter. The place wasn’t that busy besides a few people studying in the corner.

Lisa sighed, “you guys might benefit from some time apart. He is obviously going through something and he isn't man enough to confront you about it so he’s crawling to Mark’s place. And you are too much of a weenie to break up with him.”

“I would never break up with Yuta. I love him too much,” you stated as confidently as you can.

“So why did you kiss Jaehyun the other day hmm?” she leaned in closer, “I’m telling you this because I care about you. You loved him. You don’t love him anymore.”

Deciding to ignore the comment about Jaehyun you responded, “But maybe that’s just because he doesn’t put in the effort anymore, there’s like zero romance right now,” picked at your nails. At this point you're grasping at straws trying to find reasons to stay together. The door chimed as two tall girls walked into the café.

“Whatever you wanna tell yourself,” Lisa replied while straightening up and heading to three register, “but you need to do something because hanging out in your free time at work is really not it y/n.”

This is a mess. All your friends are tired of hearing about the constant push and pull that is you and Yuta’s relationship. You can feel their annoyance as you moan and groan at the same toxic situations that seem to only get worse. You knew they were all right deep down. But it’s been so long with him, are you really ready to let go of such a big part of your life?

“He’s got a big dick,” said one of the girls at the counter.

“Dude shut up we’re in public…” replied the other giggling.

“Wish I could relate sis,” Lisa slid in laughing with the other two girls, “how can I help you?”

“Girl, you are so pretty you won’t be waiting long that’s for sure,” the first one said.

“Aww oh my god you’re so sweet, I’m Lisa nice to meet you and take your order today!” you smiled at your extroverted friend as she posed saluting.

“I’m Ryujin and this is Yeji,” she said, pointing at her friend with the spit dyed hair.

“I love your nails, they're so pretty!” Lisa complimented. The three girls started a complete compliment war going back and forth giggling.

After a few more exchanges Ryujin spoke up, “I like you Lisa, you should come hang out with us tonight! We’re going to the club downtown, Yeji’s boyfriend is a promoter so we can get you on the list no problem,” Lisa glanced over at you as you looked away trying to pretend you weren’t listening in, “Actually, that sounds like fun! But my friend y/n here and I were going to hang out tonight, do you mind if she comes? She’s been going through some relationship troubles.” The two friends looked at your tired and disheveled frame sympathetically.

“Of course you can, we’ve all been there,” Yeji pouted and touched your shoulder.

“No better way to get rid of relationship troubles than to go and remind yourself that being single is way more fun!” Ryujin exclaimed, “Let’s meet up at 10:30? I’ll send you guys the address?” Lisa nodded and exchanged numbers with the girls as you sat anxiously, “See you all later! I better see you both looking hot! Especially you, miss girl,” Ryujin pointed a finger at you with a small smile. You and Lisa waved as they grabbed their drinks and walked out.

“I don’t want to go out,” you whined, “I want my Yuta.”

“Well Yuta wants Mark right now, so we are going out. Let me go clock out; be right back.”`

—

You could hear the music from two blocks away. Girls were hobbling around drunkenly in their tall heels and guys were standing against brick walls cigarettes hanging loose from their fingertips. Your mouth watered at the sight of the smoke, you may have even walked a little slower to just breathe in a little bit of the smoke as you passed by, walking in a daze as you trailed behind Lisa.

“Come on you addict,” she rolled her eyes pulling you along.

“I can’t help it, my feet hurt, these lashes are heavy, my boobs are so high up I can’t see my toes, and this dress is riding up my ass,” you pulled at the ends lower, “Haven’t been this dressed up since senior prom, I don’t know how I used to live like this.”

“I kinda miss her,” Lisa softly smiled.

“Hey girls over here!” You saw Ryujin and Yeji waving at you from across the street. Lisa locked hands with you as you both crossed the busy street hurriedly.

“Let’s go have fun,” Ryujin yelled as she roped her arm in yours and headed inside.

–

This is actually really fun. It’s been years since you and Yuta went out clubbing since he tends to get jealous easily. Well that is used to get jealous easily. The music was thumping and you were a few too many shots in too deep. You were swaying with the girls, hair flying everywhere, your feet were burning, but you didn’t even care. There was a surge of confidence that filled you that you haven't felt in a while. You felt absolutely sexy and it wasn’t because of Yuta or doing yourself up for Yuta it was because of you. You felt the eyes of many on your body as you rolled your hips to the beat, hands running through your hair and mouthing the words to songs.

“Yo fuck your boyfriend!” Yeji yelled over the music to you, “You’re hot! He’s missing out!”

“You know what? I am hot!” you laughed dancing with her, “let’s go get a drink.”

You both made your way to the bar, Lisa dancing with a cute guy, and Ryujin nowhere to be seen.

“She’s probably with that guy she matched with on Tinder,” Yeji slurred as her words answered your thoughts.

“Okay!” you both took three more shots back to back, thanks to your two new acquaintances who bought them for you two, “don’t you have a boyfriend?” you wide eyed Yeji as she laughed a little too loudly at whatever his name said to her.

“Yeah, he doesn’t mind as long as I get my drinks and don’t do anything with them,” she shrugged.

“Get your bag I guess.” Your vision was getting blurrier and the room was spinning a little bit more, signaling that it’s maybe time to stop drinking soon. Even as you stood at the bar covered in sweat and curls that fell out hours ago, you could still feel someone’s eyes on you. Looking around, people were dancing together, some couples flushed against the wall making out, others celebrating birthdays on the top floor.

“I think that guy really wants you,” Yeji said into your ear, “he’s staring at you like you're naked,” she nodded to the left of the VIP section. That’s when your eyes met his, his expression unreadable. Surprised with a bit of confusion, maybe even a hint of… anger? His hands gripped his drink as the other rested between his spread legs, looking down at you like a predator stalking his prey. Your stare mirrored him, wondering if this is the reason he’s been blowing you off for the past few months. “He’s hot, you should talk to him, get your mind off that ‘needs to be your ex boyfriend’ of yours.”

“Let’s take another shot first,” you breathed out, Yuta clouding your mind.

“Maybe you should slow down y/n,” a voice from behind you chuckled before holding your waist to have you turn towards him.

“Oop, even better…” Yeji whispered while staring at him.

“Jaehyun,” you whispered before clearing your throat, “what are you doing here?”

He smiled, “I should be asking you the same thing y/n, I’ve been trying to convince you to come out to the club with me for weeks now.” Your eyes panicked and shot past him back towards where Yuta sat above, but alas he was gone.

“Well I guess the girls finally convinced me to come out tonight,” you shifted from one foot to the other.

“Your feet hurt?” you nodded sheepishly.

“Let’s go sit down for a second,” he held your hand, “can I get some water?” he shouted to the bartender who nodded. Jaehyun led you to a more secluded part of the club to a small table next to the bathrooms. He slid himself in next to you as you massaged your feet and grimaced at the girl pushing her way into the ladies' room to probably spill her guts.

“Now, you wanna tell me the real reason that you’re here?” he leaned in, tucking loose strands of hair behind your ear then slung an arm around you on the seat.

“I told you, Lisa made me come out tonight with a couple girls we met at work.”

“You know what I’m really trying to ask y/n, don’t make me say it,”

“Say it,” you said looking at him, “you have so many questions, but not much variance coming out.”

“Did you,” he leaned in, “break up with him.”

It was silent for a while between you two. The club’s bass continued to shake the table lightly as you swirled the ice in your cup.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Jaehyun scoffed, “it’s a yes or no answer y/n.” When you didn't answer, he sighed, pursed his lips and pushed down the frustration that he had pent up, “I’m going to take that as a no.” You looked away from him watching Yeji grind on a guy as he smiled at her deeply, “are we going to talk about the other day?”

“No.”

“Y/n I’m sorry-”

“I’m in a committed relationship, you can’t do that. I thought when you asked me to dinner you meant as friends. I thought others would be there. Then you kissed me? What did you want me to do? I was already lying to Yuta by saying I was out with my brother because he doesn’t like me alone with you. I abused his trust,” you speedily said.

“I know and I realize it was my mistake, I misread the signs. You just deserve a lot better. I know it’s weird for me to butt into your relationship but I see how he treats you. I fully take responsibility, I’ll talk to Yuta if you need me to,”

“There were no signs to read at all in the first place,” you huffed, “doesn’t even matter though we’re not really talking right now.”

“He did something, I know he did,” your silence spoke volumes, “what did that fucker do this time, I swear I’m going to-”

“What are you exactly going to do Jaehyun?” you heard from above you. Finally lifting your head from the ground you made eye contact with the man of the hour, Yuta.

“Oh look who decided to finally show up after his girlfriend has been here for hours!” Jaehyun smiled sarcastically.

“Look who is making another sleazy move at my girlfriend!” Yuta exclaimed, narrowing his eyes.”

“Yuta, calm down, we were just talking, he was apologizing-” he stood between the two of them.

“No you don’t get to talk,” Yuta flared, “I knew it. I knew what I saw. You were cheating on me with him!” he screamed while pointing between the two of you.

“No, Yuta I didn’t cheat on you-”

“I saw you kiss him y/n!” he screamed in your face. You have never seen him this mad. Tears pooled your eyes, your voice failing you as you made grabby hands at Yuta.

“Don’t touch me bitch!” He pushed you lightly.

“Woah what the fuck dude don’t put your hands on her,” Jaehyun stood up scooting you behind him.

“Oh so now you’re her protector?” Yuta scoffed. Just as Jaehyun was about to throw his balled fist into Yuta’s face, you heard a voice from behind Yuta.

“Oh my god y/n!” you saw Ryujin wobbly running towards you from the bathroom with Yeji, Yeji’s boyfriend, and Lisa closely following behind. Confusion ran across everyone's faces as Ryujin clung to Yuta’s side. Yuta visibly gulped, arm going up to scratch the back of his neck not looking up, “I didn’t know you guys knew each other!”

“I’m sorry, who the fuck are you?” Jaehyun asked.

“Sorry,” Ryujin hiccupped, “This is the guy who I came with tonight, y/n! We met through Yeji’s boyfriend, Ten, a couple months ago, because Ten is all of our plugs. So he introduced me to Yuta! Isn’t that so fun!” she giggled while snuggling into his side deeper.

You expected to be a lot more hurt upon realization of the identity of Yuta’s other girl. But oddly enough, you were numb. In a way, kind of freeing? Like all of the speculation, intrusive thoughts, and days spent overthinking, your intuition was right.

“Y/n…” Lisa started while pulling you away, “I think we should go.”

“Wait…” Yeji whispered, “big dick guy… is y/n’s shitty ex boyfriend?” Ryujin’s eyes widened.

“Baby you said that I was yours, I know we’re not official but you said forever,” she took a step back examining him.

You couldn’t help but let out the most obnoxious laugh surprising everyone. Everyone just watching you as you casually went crazy laughing so hard your stomach hurt.

“Don’t worry Ryujin, he just…” you paused waiting for him to look you in the eyes, “says stuff he doesn’t mean.” Yuta finally snapped out of his trance and tried to reach out to you.

“I don’t think so,” Jaehyun firmly said, pulling you again, “I’ll take you home, y/n.”

“Like hell you won’t!” Yuta screamed trying to push his way to you, “baby I’m sorry, let me explain!”

“Jae,” you calmly said looking up at him, “can I stay at yours? I’m in the process of moving out.”

He smiled down at you, “of course you can.” You, Lisa, and Jaehyun left the club and into an uber. Exhaustion sets in as you stare out of the moving vehicle. Suddenly the realization sets in and the façade of a confident woman doing what's right for her- just crumbles. The tears fell into your lap, snot coming out, mascara running. All those days you spent hurting your back leaning over a pot in the kitchen to make his favorite comfort food, all the lingerie with tags still on them sitting in a drawer, you’ve spent months trying to convince your parents to fund a trip to Japan for you both so he could see his family. All this time, just for him to be seeking other women.

He never really was yours.

–

“Y/n you got to get out of bed, you have to go get your stuff from the apartment today,” Jaehyun whispered to you.

“I don’t wanna,” you muttered.

“I made you breakfast,” he sang aloud in an attempt to bribe.

“Okay I’m up!” you made grabby hands towards the plate in his hand.

“You ready? Did you tell him you’re coming over?”

“Nope. It’s still technically my apartment, I don’t need to announce I’m coming over. I don’t want him to have time to clean up or kick his latest girl out of the place. I wanna see how bad he’s doing without me.” You sighed.

“Oh he is for sure in shambles without you,” Jaehyun said while placing a small kiss on your forehead.

—

So, here you stand. In front of your old apartment, key in hand, trying to muster up the courage to open the door.

It’s now or never.

After a deep breath, you were ready to face the messiest apartment and a faint smell of old pizza, but instead you smelled… mahogany apple? And a spotless apartment?

Did that bitch really need a week to move on from me that fast and have someone else move in?

You slammed the door, kicked off your shoes and dropped your bag on the table, huffing loudly.

He really had to use your favorite candle too? How shameless can he be?

You heard quick thumps getting closer and a tired Yuta appeared with a baseball bat in his arms screaming. You couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight. He dyed his hair red, just like how it was in high school and he was sporting a faint mustache and sweatpants.

This really threw a wrench into the plan. You expected him to be a mess, living like a slob, and grieving the loss of you. But why was he doing good? How dare he have that luxury? He looked great, he looked like the man you fell in love with.

“Y/n,” he breathed out wondrously, “is that really you?”

You nodded, “Hi Yuta.”

“Baby I missed you, I’m sorry I didn’t realize what I had until recently. I just got scared of us moving towards-”

“Yuta,” you interrupted him.

“Yes, sorry.”

“I came to collect my things.”

“Baby,” his face fell, “please don’t leave me.”

“You don’t deserve me,” you repeated the line that Lisa made you repeat in the mirror everyday for this very moment.

“You’re right I don't,” he dropped to his knees begging for your forgiveness.

“I’ll never lie to you again, please just hear me out, before you walk out forever.”

You contemplated, you knew you wouldn’t be able to move on if you didn’t at least know his reasoning, so you nodded, “Please do tell me why I wasted six years of my life with you.”

“Okay I deserve that, please do sit,” you took notice in the way that he really cleaned the place up.

His eyes followed your trail around the apartment, “I thought I’d take the liberty of tidying up just in case you came back, I wanted to prove to you that I’m serious.”

“Congrats. You cleaned up YOUR living space.”

“Ours,” he corrected.

“Was,” you lazily said, trying to not focus on how he sat too much. Your judgment being clouded by rage lust.

Yuta began to explain himself. His spiral started after the wedding a couple months ago because after the talk you two had he realized just how insecure he was in your relationship. The talks of having kids, so many picture perfect moments for a picture perfect family.

“And somewhere down the line I realized I couldn’t provide any of that for you, y/n.”

“What are you talking about, we were doing just fine, not great for our age, much better than most of our graduating class from high school. We live in the city, we-”

Yuta cut you off, “We lived so nice because of your parents y/n.”

“What do you mean? We both got jobs to live as nice as we do, we worked hard-”

“No, your dad worked hard.”

“We paid for this place on our own?”

“Your parents allowed me to live with you as long as it was a nice place with nice amenities, nothing less than perfect for their perfect girl,” he leaned in, “so pray tell baby girl, how does a tattoo artist and a café barista make enough to live in a penthouse apartment in California?”

Kind of stunned you never really realized how much this place cost. When you were apartment hunting you never bat an eye at the rent, just envisioning the life you were going to live with Yuta.

“I went to ask for your parents permission to marry you, but they said that when you marry, you won’t be financially covered by them, as it’s a ‘man’s’ job to provide. Princess, let’s face it, I ruined the life you were always meant to have.”

“I- I still don’t understand how this is your fault? How does this lead to you cheating on me?” you asked, mind boggled by the new information.

“I knew, your parents knew too, that I would never be able to give you what you need in life. They reminded me of that. Reminded me how I made you get in trouble senior year, almost preventing you from getting into Stanford. Reminded me that after a year in Stanford I convinced you to drop out. I convinced you to move in with me. I convinced you to start smoking. I convinced you that you were in love with me. I convinced you that we could actually live our fairy tale fantasy forever.”

“I consciously made those decisions myself,” you said.

“But I was the catalyst. And I guess I got so angry at myself that I thought if I made you fall out of love with me, you’d break up with me, because I could never break up with you,” he paused to grab a bottle of water, offering one to you as well before leaning against the kitchen counter, “I loved you so much that i pushed you away. I need you to have the good life you were always meant to have.” At that point you were both crying in separate parts of the room just in your own thoughts.

“Is that all?” you asked.

“Yes, that's everything?” You didn’t even notice him kneeling in front of you, “I need you to go, to live your life without me, but before you go I need you to know I loved you and only you. Can I kiss you one last time?”

You stared into his eyes, the lust taking over and toppling on him in an instant. Lips and tongues fighting for dominance from the loss of romance the past couple of months. Rips of pain, longing, anguish, and a burnt love poured into your moment. Yuta’s hands searched your body, hands molded perfectly to your figure grasping at your clothing for the last time. Your hands were busy pulling at his red hair as he flipped you two over.

Small tears leaking out your eyes as you remembered the same boy who ran into you in high school. The boy you did everything to impress, to catch his attention for just one more day. Little did you know Yuta was thinking of the small little miss perfect from high school who he knew didn’t know how to use a lighter but tried to flick it anyways. How completely enamored he was with her that he stupidly asked her to smoke her cigarettes even though he never had one, only joints. He just thought he would be more interesting as a bad boy rather than just a pothead. Even back then he knew you were too good for him.

“I’m so sorry I loved you,” he whimpered as he rutted against you breathing deeply just for a chance to be closer to you for one more moment, “I’m sorry you loved me.”

Something in the moment snapped, right about the moment you were about to give in and rip the rest of his clothes off and swallow your pride and resentment for everything the past few months. That’s when you felt something sharp poke your thigh alerting your eyes open watching your reflections tangled on the floor, breathless. As he pressed his hips forward into you once more you knew. You knew that feeling anywhere.

“Was that everything, Yuta?” you whispered.

“Yes I swear,” he said untying his sweats, but you placed a hand over him, halting him.

He looked back at you confused before you silently moved your hands to his pocket pulling out a small familiar box of cigarettes, “are you sure?” you whispered eyes unwavering.

His eyes searched yours filled with defeat before his face fell., “I’m sorry.” You sighed and hugged him once more, knowing that this was really the end.

“I know, I caved too,” you reached behind you and into the cushions to pull out your black device, “I guess we both just knew deep down.”

Yuta laced his hands with yours, “It’s okay, I forgive you, we will grow from this," he said as you held his face in the palms of your hands.

“No Yuta,” you said, your thumb caressing his cheek with a soft bittersweet smile, “we won’t.”

“I’m willing to do-”

“No,” you stated, wiping the last of your tears, “we are done Yuta. You really had me there for a second ya know...” You walked to the mirror taking one of his cigarettes and the kitchen lighter to stick the damn thing in your mouth, “I really was eating it up too, you’re a really good liar.”

“I-I don’t know what you mean baby,” he stood up slowly.

“Ryujin is a nice girl,” you said while pulling in a long drag, “has really pretty nails too.”

“What does that have to do-” he shook his head.

“I think they were almond shaped? Blue and white, really cute combo too,” you stared off for a moment just letting it all sink in.

“I don’t know what you’re implying-”

“I think we have some icy hot in the bathroom,” you looked at him through the smoke as he too reached for a cigarette mirroring your actions, “it might help the ache on your back. Those scratches look painful,” you said in his face, “crazy how you can pull so much out of your ass when you’re on the spot Yuta. But tell me one thing, just how many girls can you promise forever to?”

Yuta leaned over the sink, shoulders hunched, defeated.

“I want you to move out by tomorrow morning,” you sighed before taking another out of his pack of cigs and heading to the porch, “Jaehyun will be moving in, I think he might really love me.”

------

And that’s it! lowkey this hurt to write LOL, again my friends I are going through it rn :( so this was a mix of all our gaslighting boys did to us :D

I had an alt ending to this plus a bonus addition if that is wanted to be shared as well, just lmk.

***I’m making a tag list for my general writing! You will be tagged in every single piece of writing I post on my blog. Please note that this is separate from my WIP/previews tag lists!

Taglist for this fic: @baehaechannie @matchahyuck

<3 eva

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