#necrotiade

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

‘I already ate,’ is Vetinari’s response. Then he adds, ‘I don’t recall Guild food being so good when we were boys.’ ‘Well, the students aren’t getting crab bisque,' Downey says. 'I don’t know what soup rotation they’re on this week, but likely something turnip based.’ ‘I think I developed a dislike of turnip because of that one pie they always put it in.’ ‘Oh gods, it was that awful fish pie they used to serve us. Cruces took it off the menu the first month he was Master. I consider that one of the shining moments in his career.’

Downey and Vetinari Peak Romance: bitching about school food from when they were ten

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

I realize I’ve not given Downey a middle name in Necrotiade. In Thus Always it was his father’s name which made sense in the context of the family situation. However, in Necrotiade he’s not the first born nor the only son so by the time Nicholas and Harriet got to boy number three I feel like they’d start going a little weird with the names.

Titus

Titian

Aurelius

Magnus

Cato

Atticus

Humphrey

Lambert

Valentine

Downey needs an absurd middle name in this universe. One that he kept tight under wraps when he was a boy so when Vetinari learns it as an adult he can have a moment of “fuuuuuck I wish I knew this when we were fifteen. I could have done so much with it as retaliation for The Dog Botherer”

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Sometimes you are bored and so you do a little sketch of the bestest creechur in Ankh-Morpork

This thing has committed crimes and it should do more!! Simultaneously it has done nothing wrong in its life.

In other news, Downey feed your critter side! It’s starving!

Downey: Shan’t. I will continue to starve the other thing inside of me which isn’t at all a trauma response and in fact represents well adjusted behaviour

Vetinari: …… does it like yellow dog treats? I have a surplus because Wuffles never liked them so I dont leave any on his grave.

Crẽæēçħűřė: Y̷̧͓͇̖̯̘̪͈̿̿̎͊̍̇̂̋̄̀̚͘͝ë̷͚͓̳́̽̔̒̊̕ͅs̷̨͓͇̖̤̟̼̩͈̝͐́̈́̈́̌̎͝

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Chapters: 36/36 Fandom: Discworld - Terry Pratchett Rating: Mature Relationships: Lord Downey/Havelock Vetinari, Lord Downey/Others (past), Havelock Vetinari/Others (past) Additional Tags: illogical use of magic - don't worry about it, Transformation, Body Horror, Illness, descriptions of the results of gun violence, or gonne violence as the case may be, Slow Burn, too much philosophical meanderings too little time, POV Alternating, Downey has a daughter who is twelve and a menace, light descriptions of torture - but it's not to any canon characters, and it's in the historic past, i want to be explicit that the body horror is not Vetinari's wound, because disability isn't body horror, etc etc - Freeform Summary:

One blustery morning, a short note arrives on Downey's desk that says: Patrician. Sektober 13. Soon after Vetinari receives an old newspaper clipping about the death of a colleague's father that occurred forty years ago. It doesn't take long for things to go a little wahoonie shaped with a dead girl in a tree, a two hundred year old mystery, and a creature stalking the streets of Ankh-Morpork.

Of course, throughout all of this, Vetinari is fending off unsolicited advice from his aunt (buy a lint roller!) and begins to worry that he might be developing an approximation of something like maybe feelings, for a limited value of feelings, for one Master of the Assassins Guild.

Naturally, nothing is every entirely straight forward and some families have old secrets.

-- Obligatory Excerpt: 

‘Cooper?’ Downey asks, abandoning literature as a topic of conversation.

‘Will be exiled.’ Vetinari half-smiles at Downey’s annoyed expression. ‘You may take a contract out on him if you so desire. No one is stopping you from managing Guild business in the manner you deem best. Or, I suppose, Mericet could take the contract out and you would have the pleasure of inhuming our unfortunate colleague. It would depend on your mood and if you want the pleasure of the hunt.’

‘And the Commander?’

‘I thought he was on your This Would Hinder the Guild’s Progress More Than Help So We’re Not Killing Them list?’

Downy huffs, ‘You know what I mean.’

‘Vimes is within his rights and his jurisdiction to continue pursuing the case, but I can’t see it going anywhere particularly fast. Nor would it be useful to tell him to stand-down since that would result in the opposite activity from him.’

Downey straightens himself, propping up so they’re sitting side-by-side on top of the sheets. He arranges himself, his gown, then clicks his fingers twice and in from the main room trot his hounds. Their brown eyes incredibly expressive telling of their sense of betrayal and hurt from having been sent out of the room.

‘So,’ Downey muses, ‘we have to wait it out and hope it just sort-of goes away.’

Vetinari trains his eyes on the ceiling for a steady moment. He is not looking at Downey but he is certain Downey is wearing what can only be described as a shit-eating smile. Vetinari says, still looking at the ceiling, ‘An approach that has a greater likelihood of success in this particular situation than how and when you applied the Wait it Out/Hope It Goes Away method.’

‘I was doing swimmingly until the end.’

And that’s a wrap, folks! 

While this may not be the end of Critter Downey adventures overall, but it is the end of this story. I want to thank everyone for your support/encouragement/patience on this journey and I hope those who wanted to partake of the story enjoyed what they read! 

Cheers and remember, kids, “alchemic magic to create an army to propagate my crazy world view” is one hell of a drug, don’t do it, not even once. 

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Chapters: 34/? Fandom: Discworld - Terry Pratchett Rating: Mature Relationships: Lord Downey/Havelock Vetinari, Lord Downey/Others (past), Havelock Vetinari/Others (past) Additional Tags: illogical use of magic - don't worry about it, Transformation, Body Horror, Illness, descriptions of the results of gun violence, or gonne violence as the case may be, Slow Burn, too much philosophical meanderings too little time, POV Alternating, Downey has a daughter who is twelve and a menace, light descriptions of torture - but it's not to any canon characters, and it's in the historic past, i want to be explicit that the body horror is not Vetinari's wound, because disability isn't body horror, etc etc - Freeform Series: Part 1 of Decreation Summary:

One blustery morning, a short note arrives on Downey's desk that says: Patrician. Sektober 13. Soon after Vetinari receives an old newspaper clipping about the death of a colleague's father that occurred forty years ago. It doesn't take long for things to go a little wahoonie shaped with a dead girl in a tree, a two hundred year old mystery, and a creature stalking the streets of Ankh-Morpork.

Of course, throughout all of this, Vetinari is fending off unsolicited advice from his aunt (buy a lint roller!) and begins to worry that he might be developing an approximation of something like maybe feelings, for a limited value of feelings, for one Master of the Assassins Guild.

Naturally, nothing is every entirely straight forward and some families have old secrets.

--

Obligatory Excerpt: 

‘I trust you are keeping well,’ Vetinari says, as the guards step out of the room, leaving them alone. Cooper’s eyes trail them before marking Vetinari’s position, the door, the windows. The Assassin never leaves a man once it’s sewn into him.

‘The doctor said I would live, for whatever that is worth. He stitched me up decently – wasted effort I told him, since you’re going to disappear me.’

Vetinari puts on a pretense of being mildly offended. He would never be so crass as to put it like that. No? Cooper smiles. Language may change, but the act remains the same.

‘True,’ Vetinari replies evenly. ‘But I do like to think I have manners and give some sort of nod to the correct form. Or enough of a nod that it’s believable from the outside. Language may be malleable, but that doesn’t reduce its importance. Now, I wish I could trust you enough to ask if you believe in angels as there’s a new division being created in the Watch to address the backlog of cold cases. A sort-of auditor-detective role. It is salaried,’ Vetinari reviews the job description in front of him, ‘and it comes with a hat. Very nice. You would be a natural, given your tenacity and that you figured out in a matter of weeks what no one else has ever worked out. But alas I do not believe you would let things drop.’

Cooper tilts his head in thought. While he has been provided clothes and the opportunity to bathe, the fact that he has been stuck in a cell remains evident in dirty fingernails, a certain exhaustion beneath the eyes, crumpled tunic over his doublet and hose.

‘I could be persuaded,’ Cooper finally replies. ‘Hats are nice.’  

Havelock “Do you believe in angels” Vetinari does not strike this time but he really wishes he could because he loves a useful, lucky, competent person. Too bad this one stabbed his (non)boyfriend’s daughter! 

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

He rises enough from the water so Vetinari can see neck and shoulders. The irritation of earlier remains alongside a few spare feathers which, Vetinari presumes, Downey will pull out. A thought that makes him shudder. Impulsive, as the gesture was before Downey— before Downey went and did whatever he needed to do – impulsive, Vetinari presses knuckles to the damp skin of Downey’s neck to allow his thumb to rub against one of the feathers.

Vetinari's eyes are fucking dinner plates of interest at this point, like a cat with an exciting string toy (or piece of garbage), jesus christ you two, go get a room

(they are, incidentally, already in a room)

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Chapters: 35/? Fandom: Discworld - Terry Pratchett Rating: Mature Relationships: Lord Downey/Havelock Vetinari, Lord Downey/Others (past), Havelock Vetinari/Others (past) Additional Tags: illogical use of magic - don't worry about it, Transformation, Body Horror, Illness, descriptions of the results of gun violence, or gonne violence as the case may be, Slow Burn, too much philosophical meanderings too little time, POV Alternating, Downey has a daughter who is twelve and a menace, light descriptions of torture - but it's not to any canon characters, and it's in the historic past, i want to be explicit that the body horror is not Vetinari's wound, because disability isn't body horror, etc etc - Freeform Series: Part 1 of Decreation Summary:

One blustery morning, a short note arrives on Downey's desk that says: Patrician. Sektober 13. Soon after Vetinari receives an old newspaper clipping about the death of a colleague's father that occurred forty years ago. It doesn't take long for things to go a little wahoonie shaped with a dead girl in a tree, a two hundred year old mystery, and a creature stalking the streets of Ankh-Morpork.

Of course, throughout all of this, Vetinari is fending off unsolicited advice from his aunt (buy a lint roller!) and begins to worry that he might be developing an approximation of something like maybe feelings, for a limited value of feelings, for one Master of the Assassins Guild.

Naturally, nothing is every entirely straight forward and some families have old secrets.

-- Obligatory Excerpt 

Without a word, Downey undoes the ties around his collar and loosens it. His eyes train on the crenellations of the ceiling as he pulls the stiff fabric aside, then his shift, revealing enough of his neck that Vetinari can understand what he is looking at. The foliage of pale blue feathers purpling Downey’s skin with irritation and bruising.

Whatever reaction Vetinari is having Downey cannot see because he refuses to look away from the ceiling. The cool touch on his is unexpected and Downey realizes Vetinari has come around the table to lean over, only slightly, and press a finger at the top of where the feathers start. It is eerily reminiscent of their position that night after the theatre in the dark of that small office.

Downey swallows.

love them being freaky for each other

very normal etc. 

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Mericet applies the bandages. He says, ‘She’s your daughter, sir.’ ‘Yes,’ Downey whispers. ‘She is.’ ‘Which means, and I say this respectfully, that she is much like a cockroach. Difficult to kill.’ A voice from behind Downey, Vetinari: ‘I’m not sure I would compare Miss Arlette to a cockroach.’ ‘Cockroaches are important,’ Downey hears himself reply, still staring at the fireplace. ‘They’re not a true bug, which I always found interesting, and some of them have complex and elaborate social structures. There is one species, found in Agatea, that even builds common sheltering spaces and can recognize kin. Why am I talking about this? I want to see my daughter.’

Downey in shock: I will now proceed to talk about insects for the next hour, which is a very normal reaction to have.

Vetinari: No, no, do go on. One never knows when information about the social structures of Agatean cockroaches might come in handy. I say this in full earnestness. Do we know how they communicate? Do they have language?

Ridcully: BUNCHA FUCKING NERDS IN THIS ROOM.