AN: So, I had this idea a very very long time ago. This is the first time I'm writing Jonsa fanfic, or Atleast contemplating whether if I should go on with the story or not. It's really been a long while since I really wrote anything, so here we go. Please do tell if I should continue or not.
Also the chapter is set before Jon leaves for the wall. If y'all want me to write more, I'll try it out on ao3
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Love the way you lie
Sansa leans against the heart tree looking up at the starry sky, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. Sometimes she really does wonder if her life has a meaning or not. She knows she wants to be a queen to a king, a princess to a prince and a wife to a husband. But what of her as a person? Will someone love her for who she is, not for how she acts? Father always said that he would find her a match worthy of her, but she didn't think he really cared. Her father never looked at her the way he looked at Arya, like she was the only daughter he has. She knows he loves her as well, but Arya is his pride just as she is her mother's. But sometimes, even if she would never admit, it hurt. Would her father love her more if she knew how to use weapons? Sansa shook her head, she came here for peace, not to get her mind woven in the webs of sorrow.
She felt someone sit beside her in silence. She didn't look away from sky, her head still resting against the tree and her fingers mindlessly weaving through the grass, plucking some in her hands.
After a comfortable silence, she blurts out, "Do you ever feel like that there is not a single person the world that loves you?" She wasn't really expecting an answer. It was a while after she heard a velvety voice answer her.
"Aye, sometimes."
She blinks in surprise to see Jon sitting beside her. His answer startling her even more. She sits up straight, her eyes falling back to her hands, her cheeks flushed. Jon was the last person she thought would be here. She could feel Jon's gaze on her and then heard him sigh.
"Your lady mother is worried for you. She searched out the whole castle but she couldn't find you. Don't know why, but I had a feeling that I would find you here. Are you okay?" He asked, his face masked with confusion and his forehead wrinkled in worry. Was he worried for her?
"I just needed some time alone, I suppose. I come here whenever I seek peace of my mind. I'm okay, Jon." She expected he would leave. Like everyone does. But instead, he stood there nervously shifting on foot, his hand going on the back of his neck as he tried to open his mouth to speak. Sansa knew she shouldn't be here with him, she shouldn't be seen with him. Her mother will most certainly be disappointed in her. But before she could stop herself, she asked, "So you feel like there are no one here who loves you?"
Jon ponders for a moment but then nods before asking her, "Do you? Do you feel like that?"
Sansa purses her lips. She didn't want to sound ungrateful for what she has. "Yes. I don't know why? I know everyone loves me and yet, deep down in my heart, I feel like it's not enough. Does that make me a bad person, Jon?"
"I don't think feeling makes you a bad person, Sansa. It's okay to want more. You know, you're meant for so much more than just this. I'll let you in a little secret. There is whole world out there waiting for you, great cities, art, culture, genuine beauty," he looks at her, his eyes warm, "and you can have it all. All you have to do is just ask."
Sansa looks at Jon, her eyebrow arching in amusement, "Oh yeah? And pray tell who will give me all that? Who do I have to ask?"
Jon shrugs, and Sansa wonders if the look in his eyes means if its him she should ask. She has no doubt in her heart that it she asks Jon of this, despite of their animosity, despite of him favoring Arya over her multiple of times he would give her all in heartbeat.
"Very well then," Sansa smooths her skirt with her hands, "what of you? If there is this whole world out there as you say, then why are you confining yourself to the north? To the wall. Yes I heard father speaking to uncle benjen."
"I don't want it. I'm not made for your world. I don't deserve it," Jon grits out, all earlier warmth and amusement gone from his face. He clenches his jaw, staring hard at the ground.
"Liar."
She had never seen him look so confused and angry at the same time. His head snaps to look at her so fast, she was pretty sure it must've hurt.
"What did you say?"
"Liar. You heard it the first time, Jon. You're lying about not wanting it , just as you're lying about not deserving it," Sansa answered gracefully.
She doesn't have to look down to know he is clenching his fist, barely containing his anger. His jaw clenching.
"Oh because you know it so much better. It's been fun evening, Sansa," the way he says her name sends shiver down in her spine, "but it's time you leave. This is no place for a lady to be such a late time."
Sansa scoffs, "Deny me of truth all you want but your face betrays everything you try so hard to hide. You want it all. And I'm here to tell you that wanting it, dreaming of it, it doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't make you selfish. Take your own advice, Jon."
"Easy for you to say," she could hear the disdain in his voice.
"Its even easier to lie to yourself and convince it's the truth when it's anything but. You make your own way. It's your choice Jon. Punishing yourself into going to wall?"
"I'm not punishing myself," he sighs.
"Mhm, whatever you say. I must be off to my mother's chambers now. She must be worrying for me as you said. Do think about what we talked about before you make any decision and even though I already know. Farewell, Jon Snow," Sansa let his name roll out of her tongue easily. She got up with help of his outstretched hand he offered before walking away without sparing him a glance.