I can't read more on mobile but I'm trying to keep better track of my emotions for my therapist because I'm going biweekly so I will dump this until I can get a real journal
What pisses me off about a lot of people I knew in my past is they tout their trauma and ptsd around as an excuse for their past behaviors and behaviors now and say that they finally understand themselves on so many aspects of how they are and it's like I never got an apology for 90% of those people leaving me in the dust.
Because they couldn't understand my trauma
But maybe there's something about me I don't understand yet and that, is why I'm ultimately in therapy. I go back and look at every horrible event in my life time and I say that maybe in some way this was my fault. I don't want to believe these people left me or it was just ultimately better for me to abandon ship before I got even more hurt again.
I just don't want to end up completely alone, eventually.