I don’t know what to do anymore.
I love him…I do? Maybe I love the idea of him. All the beautiful qualities he possesses that I no longer see.
It’s like it was a trap, or maybe I’m just stupid. Or maybe I’ve changed him because I’m such a horrible person.
All I know is that I have tried. You’re not easy, no job, lost, unstable, conflicted emotions. But I’ve seen past all of that and have loved you for YOU. I’ve tried endlessly to make you happy at the cost of my own happiness.
I feel like I constantly just GIVE GIVE GIVE
And that’s me, when I love someone. I will give that person the world even if it breaks me. Even if I can’t be on it anymore.
I didn’t mind to start with, because you gave me all I ever wanted - LOVE, AFFECTION, ATTENTION. I fell so in love with that, with you, truly thought I had somehow {in this fucked up world} found my soulmate.
Now you take it all for granted and I see none of this love. You say it, but not enough. I don’t see it, I don’t FEEL it.
Maybe I really did create this.
You’re so complacent, comfortable. I’ve made you this way. You don’t have to do anything yet have everything and all of me.
Maybe I was manipulated from the start and you have always been this way.
All I know is that if there is pain then it isn’t love and I am in so much pain around you lately.
You don’t care enough/anymore. So I can’t either.