#neha writes

[theghostofashton]

waiting on the right words

pairing: shane/ilya rating: t wordcount: 3.4k

He loves him. Ilya knows that, has felt that. Strong enough to say it to Shane, even. But he isn’t sure if he realized the extent of it until a day ago. Until he was faced with Shane’s limp body lying a few feet away on the ice and the crushing reality that he couldn’t go to him. He needed to go back to his bench. That was where he belonged. Because he wasn’t Shane’s teammate, or his… partner, ultimately. There was no reason for him to be there. No reason for him to be part of the group of people worried for Shane, because as far as everyone knew, they were rival captains. Enemies, maybe, to some. Not friends, and certainly not more than that.

read on ao3

thank you to @sanjuwrites for the beta <3

[theghostofashton]

wip wednesday

thank you @carlos-in-glasses @angstycarlos @henrygrass @carlossreaders @daggerandrose @strandnreyes @everlastingday @heartstringsduet for the tags <3

waiting for data recovery on my old laptop (where most of my wips are) so i dug something old out of gdocs

TK loves. That’s never been hard for him. He loves like he exhales, steadily, and non-stop. The hardest part about moving to Austin was swearing off love. Telling himself he wouldn’t and he couldn’t, couldn’t go through getting his heart broken again. The thought of it going badly scared him more than the thought of having to go against what felt so innate, so inherent to who he is, so TK’s mind was made up. And then came Carlos. A rain rescue and a honky tonk bar and a heart that clung on despite his brain’s every attempt to force him in the other direction. It was just sex until it wasn’t. Until he had to sit down with himself the morning after, raw with feelings he’d just promised himself he didn’t want. He’d taken the chance. Each day since reminds him that it’s the best decision he’s ever made. Has him kicking himself for taking so long to make it. Today, it hits him as he’s staring up at Carlos, his body loose and his mind racing. He squeezes his hands around Carlos’s waist and tugs him down closer, moving to splay his fingers against Carlos’s back. He doesn’t know how he could have ever not wanted this. This man, and this moment, the world outside deadened to a low buzz and his every thought present. He could stay here for the rest of his life. Carlos dips down and kisses his neck, as TK trails his fingers down. He’s brushing against smooth skin until he isn’t.

tagging @paperstorm @sanjuwrites @alrightbuckaroo @whatsintheboxmh @reyesstrand @bonheur-cafe @carlos-tk @emsprovisions and anyone else who wants to share <3

[theghostofashton]

wip wednesday

thank you @angstycarlos @carlos-in-glasses @henrygrass @strandnreyes @carlossreaders @whatsintheboxmh @heartstringsduet for the tags <3

“What about you?” TK asks, as he swallows a bite of burger and then takes a sip of his drink. “Been in Austin your whole life?” Carlos nods sheepishly. “I’ve only left the state a handful of times. Texas is… home.” “Not into traveling?” Carlos shrugs. “Not really. I don’t know. I…” he trails off, looking down at his feet. “I get homesick.” He waits, for the chuckle or the feigned surprise. He can also count on one hand the amount of people who’ve been normal when he’s told them this, who haven’t made him feel like a baby or a failure. TK hasn’t given him an indication of which direction he’ll take it, but– “I get that.” “What?” “I like traveling, but… the feeling of missing home?” TK says. “Missing what’s comfortable and safe? I get that. It’s really overwhelming.” “…yeah,” Carlos agrees slowly. “I want to travel more. I think I’d like it. It just feels really overwhelming when I think about doing it.” “You didn’t mind Lake Travis?” TK asks. “I was with you,” Carlos says simply.

tagging @paperstorm @sanjuwrites @reyesstrand @bonheur-cafe @alrightbuckaroo @carlos-tk @emsprovisions @everlastingday and anyone else who wants to share!

[theghostofashton]

wip wednesday

thank you @whatsintheboxmh @heartstringsduet @nisbanisba @carlossreaders @strandnreyes @bonheur-cafe @alrightbuckaroo @sanjuwrites @carlos-in-glasses for the tags <3

from exes to lovers

“I slept with someone,” TK eventually says, and Carlos ignores the way the words feel like an arrow piercing through his heart. “I did a couple lines at some guy’s apartment, and then I let him fuck me, and it was- I don’t-” “TK, did he hurt you?” Carlos demands, nudging TK off him so he can meet his eyes. “No!” TK says firmly. “Nothing like that, Carlos. I promise. I would’ve told you.” Carlos exhales heavily, and pulls TK back against him. “Why do you want to go back in time, then?” “He didn’t do anything wrong,” TK says, and his voice is back to shaking. “He didn’t do anything I didn’t want. But afterward, after he fell asleep, I was laying there, and I just felt so..." he trails off, shaking his head. "I didn’t like how I felt about myself.” Carlos starts to rub his back. He wonders if kissing TK's hair is too much. The lines between friendship and more than friendship have felt blurrier lately, but now really doesn't feel like the time to see how blurry they truly are. “And then I started thinking about my mom, and what she would say if she could’ve seen me, high out of my mind, in some random dude’s bed, and I panicked,” TK mumbles. “So I just grabbed my stuff and got out of there.” “Shit!” TK exclaims, after a couple moments of silence. “What?” Carlos's own heart starts to speed up. “I forgot to leave a note,” TK says, his eyes wide. “What if he thinks I got abducted or something?” Carlos rolls his eyes. “I think he’ll live.”

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[theghostofashton]

wip wednesday

thank you to @henrygrass @carlossreaders @paperstorm @strandnreyes @everlastingday @whatsintheboxmh @carlos-in-glasses for the tags!!

a bit of the actors version this time

By the time Carlos has made his coffee and stepped out onto his balcony to read the interview, he’s already gotten texts about it. From: Marjan Did you see this? From: Marjan [link] She’s sent him the link to the author’s tweet, ‘had the greatest time chatting with TK Strand about his new movie, his top gardening tips, and what it’s like to work with @/carlosreyes!’ He clicks on the link in the tweet and waits for the article to load, glad that he turned off Twitter notifications a while ago. No doubt his mentions are blowing up by now. TK must be a great interviewee, he thinks, taking a sip of coffee. He sounds so natural, so immediately comfortable and forthcoming in his answers. Carlos is still figuring out how to do that, to not seem as nervous as he definitely is going into each interview. He supposes that’s one of the things that comes with time. TK’s been doing this a lot longer than he has. GM: What’s been your favorite part of the whole experience? TKS: That’s so hard, everything about it has been incredible. So much love has gone into this movie. Our crew, wardrobe, makeup, everyone’s given 110% and I’m so proud of what we’ve done together. But I would have to say that one of the brightest parts has been getting to work with Carlos [Reyes]. He and I have known each other for a while, but never had the opportunity to work on a project together. He’s so talented, he brings something really special to the role. It’s such a privilege to work with him. “Holy shit,” Carlos whispers, and texts Marjan as much.

tagging @sanjuwrites @heartstringsduet @carlos-tk @alrightbuckaroo @reyesstrand @emsprovisions @afiendishthingynisba and leaving an open tag for anyone who wants to share!

[theghostofashton]

wip wednesday

thank you to @carlos-in-glasses @whatmaydraws @carlossreaders for the tags <3

“I can’t do this with you,” Shane says, and hates how his voice is shaking. “Not anymore, I–” He doesn’t know what Ilya was expecting. He doesn’t know Ilya anymore. The weight of that feels too difficult to stomach. They had this thing between them, this extraordinary connection that felt beyond words. They hooked up in secret but it was more than that. It was electric. It rearranged something in Shane’s body the way nothing else ever has. It sent him to another plane of existence that constantly had him coming back for more, chasing the high of rebellion like he deserved that. Like it was the culmination of everything he’d told himself not to want for so many years. And Shane had severed it.  If the roles were reversed, if Ilya had stopped talking to him out of nowhere and disappeared for over a year, Shane doesn’t know how he would ever look at him the same. He doesn’t know how he would ever trust him again. And yet, Ilya sent him his room number. Just like old times. Ilya doesn’t want this. Shane knows that for sure. “Hollander–” “I’m sorry,” Shane manages, blinking against the pinpricks of tears starting. “Really, I just–” “I didn’t invite you here to sleep with you!” Ilya snaps, and something in Shane feels like it does too. He’s thought it for so long but to hear it, to listen to Ilya say– “I wanted to know if you were okay.”

tagging @paperstorm @sanjuwrites @strandnreyes @reyesstrand @everlastingday @alrightbuckaroo @bonheur-cafe @carlos-tk and leaving an open tag for anyone who wants to share!

[theghostofashton]

wip wednesday

thank you @whatsintheboxmh @heartstringsduet @strandnreyes @carlos-in-glasses @paperstorm @bonheur-cafe @carlossreaders @alrightbuckaroo @nisbanisba for the tags <3

“My parents want you to come over for dinner.” “What?” TK breaks his rule of not looking at him without even thinking about it, eyes wide as he takes in what Carlos just said. Carlos starts to repeat himself, and TK shakes his head. “No, I heard you, I just– why?” He’d only ended up meeting Carlos’s parents a couple times. They made the trip to New York at least once a year throughout, usually when there was half a foot of snow on the ground and they’d have a chance to experience everything wintertime in the city had to offer. TK offered to show them around Manhattan once, and taking them through all of the must-see tourist sights. Carlos’s mom had loved skating at the Rockefeller Center. TK remembers standing outside the rink with Carlos’s dad and watching him watch her and Carlos make round after round on the rink with a fond smile on his face. TK had been glad to show Carlos’s parents a good time. He knew it meant something to Carlos, had heard all about how uncertain he was about where things stood with them since he’d come out before starting college. He hoped they didn't think too badly of him, after– That’s when it dawns on him. “Wait, they don’t…” he starts, and then trails off. “They don’t know,” Carlos mumbles, and doesn’t look at him. “They heard that my best friend from college was in town, and they want you to come over.” “And you want me to pretend,” TK says slowly. Pretend that was all it was, that they’re old friends catching up after all these years. A part of him wants to ask why, can’t understand how Carlos managed to keep this, keep them, a secret from his parents for all of these years. If he didn’t know Carlos as well as he does, he’d probably be offended he wasn’t important enough for him to bring up. But it’s not that simple, and mostly, TK’s foolish, ridiculous heart that still apparently beats for this man, wishes he could give him a hug.

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[theghostofashton]

seven sentence sunday

happy sunday/mother's day to everyone who celebrates!

thank you @carlos-in-glasses @heartstringsduet @nisbanisba @carlossreaders @everlastingday @strandnreyes @emsprovisions for the tags <3

True to his word, Carlos is walking up the beach house’s front walkway at 10am sharp, carrying a large bag in each hand. He’s in a white t-shirt that TK’s eyes are immediately drawn to, and before he knows it, he’s walking down the front steps, barefoot, to meet him. “Hey!” “Hi,” TK manages. Carlos is smiling at him. TK has the urge to go in for a hug, but he hesitates, stopping himself before he can lift his arms. They’re definitely nowhere near that stage yet. “Thanks for coming. I really appreciate it,” he says, instead, and motions behind him, at the house. “Of course,” Carlos says easily, and TK watches his gaze move to the house. “It’s beautiful.” “It’s falling apart,” TK quips back, before he can stop himself. “Nah,” Carlos responds, and his nonchalance about it has heat stirring in TK’s stomach. “It just needs some help. And hey, that’s what we’re here for, right?”

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