#nerdfighters!

[octoberseighth]

i have hank green's "Quark" song stuck in my head...

nerdfighter for life right here...

[thisjoyfulheart-blog]

I can't scroll past the TFIOS trailer thumbnail without having  extreme heart palpitations and quelling the desire to scream out loud like a sissy.

(And everyone is reblogging it  and MY HEART CAN'T TAKE THIS TORTURE.)

[akeeperofhope]

Bravery, Rping, and You.

I had this drabble kind of pop into my head while getting to RP with the marvelous mun behind the-supremeking and thought I'd actually make a post about it instead of clogging up the tag bar and maybe it can help out other RPers on here who maybe can relate to what I'm about to babble about.  

For the record this is completely OOC.  This is mun talking.  Kodi is... prolly off getting maimed by Haou in ways she didn't even think were possible.

I personally have a really hard time detaching myself from my muse for a number of reasons.  One, I put a lot into the thought of a muse... I always go OC because I don't feel I am even worthy to attempt to be a canon character.  I'll leave that to people with more consistent and stable acting/writing (actriting? wriacting?).  I only feel qualified to make an OC as inconsistent and neurotic as me as put them out there. Back when I was a kid I had no issues doing this.  At all.  But 10 years can do a lot to a person and now the concept terrifies me.  Cause in those 10 years life taught me putting yourself out there is very very bad.  SO I've just sat here bundled in my lil comfort zone bubble for the past... 5 years now, and very recently have I tried to get out of it.  Rping was always something I enjoyed so when I discovered the YGO Rping side of Tumblr the 15 year old me went 'OMG so much YES!'  while present day me went '...Are you nucking futs?' 

BUT. I put the lil Ra Yellow Kodiak Tempest out there... who got created literally on the fly cause at first it was just my own lil gryphon persona self.  But then I thought I'd get more interested if I made a human version that morphed in Kodi who is constantly changing cause I havn't really been given many chances to really write her out.  I'm the type of person who makes their OC on the fly.  I come up with a general concept and mold it enough it'll hold water for RPs but it doesn't become a viable RPing muse unless I actually get to work with them... 

But even RPing like I have I've been trying to stay in my comfort-zone when choosing who to RP with... mainly rping with those who's canon muse was a character I'm familiar with and who is generally friendly..  so rping with a canon character I'm not familiar with or who is very much not friendly... like Haou or Yubel!Jesse or Kaiba... is a big leap for me.  

Because a few things are broken in my brain causing detachment from my muse to be... almost impossible... or at least very very difficult... RPing with someone's muse who's a dick... can be EXTREMELY stressful... even when I know and understand it's just RP and all that... 

I guess I'm using my lil OC Kodi to kinda... force myself to be stronger and braver... even in real life I keep myself very isolated because I can't handle stressful encounters (or at least what my brain dubs stressful in all it's glorious broken-ness), but... I need to stop that. It's very inconvenient for me and just as much prolly for people I try to interact with.  And makes general life very hard. 

"But maybe just ask them to dial down their muse's douchey-ness?"

NO.  Why ask who I'm RPing to go against what they feel is faithfulness to their muse just because I'm struggling to cope with the current situation?  It's my hang up, my problem, not theirs.  They aren't the cause of the problem the problem has been around for years.  I'm the one who needs to man up, grow a pair and learn to deal.  And not only that it's invaluable growing and writing experience for me.  Depending on the situation at hand it's an invaluable opportunity to develop both myself as a writer/actor and opportunity to develop whatever trait in my own OC muse that's relevant to the situation.

"Well if you're that stressed can't you just gracefully explain yourself and back out?"

Mmmm... Yes, but at what cost?  I don't get any growth either personally or creatively if I bail and I'd miss out on RPing with a totally awesome character and equally awesome and talented actor/writer...(Wractor?).  Besides between posts I can always just go destress with things that I find awesome like Vlogbrothers videos..(warning! Shameless Nerdfighter plug!)

In closing I guess I'm just a broken crappy RPer/person who's trying to make herself less broken and less crappy and even though I get dropped or ignored... I never hold a grude against those other RPers.  To quote the dark little voice in my head. 'It is not my place to want for what I was never meant to have."

All I can do is try, and keep trying.  And to be eternally thankful for every single magnificent person who is willing to give me and my crappy incomplete muse a try. At the end of the day what matters to me is if my RP partner is enjoying RPing with me.  Cause even if I'm having a hard time with it I still get something from it whether it be personal or artistic growth.

...I mean c'mon I don't even have any reaction thumb-nails for Kodi and my icon for her right now is Fennekin in a Christmas scarf. So not quality. 

And this thing has gone on long enough.  Peace out.  DFTBA.

PS anybody know any Kenshin rp blogs who'd RP with an OC?  ...though how in the world am I gonna alter Kodi to make her fit in late 1800's Japan...?  ...growth is part of the RP/OC muse owning experience. 

[sarahisaginger-blog]

Me: *Watching Swoodilypoopers game*

Roommate: I didn't know you were into soccer

Me: I'm not... it's fictional soccer...

Roommate: *starts laughing*

[waiting-for-meaning]

[scarcelyodd]

Oh man - I finally did it!

[timeblessedlord-blog]

Good morning! I realized I have been on very recently... you can blame that on homework or my school, take your pick, but now I have to go to school, so ta for now.