#neurodiversity problems

[rainbowmoonshadow]

One thing about my autism is that I always have to use the vocabulary that describes something in the most accurate way possible. Whether that specific word stopped being used by people in the 1970 is not of relevance to me. I need the word that fits best.

Anyway that is why people either describe me as intelligent with a big vocabulary or as arrogant. 🥲

[punlich]

I struggle so much with telling people about how overwhelming having close bonds can be sometimes.

Cuz so many (neurotypical) people freak out and think they're hurting me or I somehow hate them and I'm like

Good fuck, no, I love you to death and it wouldn't be such a sensory violation in my crazy as fuck skull if I didn't have such a strong bond to you

It's just so overwhelming that I have to retreat sometimes. I literally hurt from it. I disappear for long periods of time from friends, lovers, family, partners, everyone that I have a true, real and amazing connection to. 

And I want to tell them why so badly. I want them to know how much love I have for them, how absolutely important and vital they are, how their pain is my enemy and their happiness my goal and that I just... I just need that short break because it's so powerful, those feelings, that they start to kill me and I need to ground myself and let the sparks flow out or I will fucking be burned into nothing and no one wants that (except for enemies I guess. I prolly have enemies, wouldn't surprise me)

I just... why can't people understand that I love them but I can't always love them up close?