As I watched the sun lean in to kiss the pacific, I became less aware of the eventual blindness. Of the dark that would come when they pass through their embrace. I could think of nothing but the sinking light in front of me, its beauty, its rarity, its romance. How unworthy was I to witness such love, how jealous I was of the sun. Through the dimming air I became entranced like the trees and bushes and rock, the entire cost, locked on such love. Such eternal love. I thought of how I longed for such a perfunctory linkage. The sun and the pacific make love every night. And they know it; he is shameless, and she knows that at any moment, I would jump from my balcony, just to wet my hands in her, as would the trees splinter to soak their leaves, as would the rocks plummet and tumble from many feet above. If only she would engulf me as she does him. I would crush my bones so I may not ever leave her, I would willingly drown, I would breath in her waters and spent the rest of my existence moldering with her in her fantastic depths. And though I wanted to do such things in that moment, I knew I could not. The sun is her lover, not me. He is the one now penetrating her amongst the pinks and oranges and blues painted around them, another beautiful gift of his love to her.
The sky grows darker as the sun plunges deeper and deeper inside her. She must enjoy it, I hope she does. How could she not? If my missing of such passion, sensual and not, is this acute, then I can only begin to wonder what it would be like to give and receive it. He lays himself upon her waving form, and my fingernails dig into the wooden railing. This is making a wildling of me. Watching in this jealously is making of me a mad man and is compartmenting me off from seeing around anything but love night.
He is gone, they have came, and now she lays quiet. Sleeping calmly, her waves like steady breaths. It is hard to see now. The eventual blindness is here, but I cannot help asking if it is from being without such impeccable love, or from staring for so long, begrudgingly, at the sun.
