Well Rod, I’m 2 days away from going in the “Christmas avoidance cruise” with my sister. On one hand, I’m excited..on one hand I’m dreading it. Mixed emotions. Yesterday morning it seemed to come crashing in on me...a weepy morning for me. Every song I heard seemed to remind me of you or something we did together, every piece of clothing I packed made me remember our vacations together, the jewelry I selected to take with me was all given to me from you..at every step it seemed to just make me sit down and cry. Our friend Bill called at just the right time and told me “get off my butt and pack, get it done and get ready for the appreciation dinner”. It really was just what I needed. I did just that and was able to text him back that the “first draft of packing is done”” ready or not, here I come. I got dressed up for my “Carolina support group” appreciation dinner and sent him a picture. This dinner was for some of the people who have really helped me before, during and after your death. Not everyone could come, but we did have 15 people including me. The food was excellent and most of all, the conversation and new connections formed among my friends were made. I tried to remember how you would have done a party like this..one thing I forgot to do was to tip the waitress up front...but the service was still great and I gave her an extra tip at the end. Another thing I forgot was to get a photo..oh well, it’s just th way it was. I think you would have approved and that’s important to me! Very important. Everyone told me how nice it was at the end, so I count it as a success! I have learned so much from you Rodney ..I’m also sure I haven’t learned enough...In was telling the group last night that I’m going to be moving to France ..so many firsts to come..I’ve never been an expat alone, never found or selected the apartment alone, never bought a car alone, never organized trips alone..and those are just the big things..there are countless “small things” that I’ll have to do alone. I count on you and God to help me Rodney, sending me intuitive thoughts.
I thank you for pairing me up with Rodney. He taught me so much, he loved me so much and he prepared the way for my future alone so well. Thank you Father for the company I work for and for the support they have given me all along the way. Thank you Father for my family and friends who have helped me all along the way and who continue to help me one day at a time. Thank you Father for the intuitive thought to have these small appreciation meals/meetings so that I can say thank you and that maybe reinforces some good practices for them..remind us all how important it is to reach out. Father I ask that you help me to reach out when I have something that can help others and not be selfish with my time or money. I ask that you help me recognize opportunities to give. Help me to remember that in order to keep it I must give it away. Father I ask that You bless my Rodney and bless our family and friends. Help me to remain grateful for all You have done for us and me. I ask that You bless my sister and she packs this trip..maybe she has the same feelings of anticipation and dread..help us get along and enjoy our time together. Help me remember she too had stage 4 cancer and this may be our last time together and I need to make the most of this. I ask that You grant me the strength to do the tasks ahead after the cruise...with a clear mind and organization skills that can help me start the next phase of my life. Help me to keep a grateful heart and to always give back.
