#nfn:rereadnotes

[notesfromnayeshi]

Group Reread: Chapters 98 - 102

Chapter 98

No notes!

Chapter 99

“John stared down at the sea of fire. The smoke burned his eyes and caught in his throat. Even after all the crushing, bloody injuries he had endured, the thought of being burned alive still terrified him.”

I have a pretty vivid memory of being terrified along with John the first time I read this. I figured Ginn Hale was building up to some really awful suffering, and it was almost a physical relief when we find out it doesn’t hurt him.

“John almost broke down then. He could never even hope to mend the damage he had done here. The destruction seemed endless and irreparable. He didn’t know if he could stand to see any more burned remains or crushed bodies. He wanted to walk away to somewhere quiet and safe to escape from the all-encompassing ruin. But he knew he couldn’t give up. He had brought this devastation down on Vundomu and he had to do all he could to make amends.”

Clearly John blames himself, but do we blame him? Does anyone else in Basawar? He did probably save lots of people in Vundomu from being killed during the battle with the Ushiri’im. Even still, it’s kind of hard to forgive John for losing his shit and not being a bit more careful when he knows what he is capable of.

“I am human,” John said. He immediately realized that he was wrong. A human being didn’t tear stones apart with his bare hands or ride on storm winds. Human beings died when they were impaled, poisoned, and shot. Humanity was no longer his to claim. John felt an almost physical loss at the thought. “I was human,” John amended.”

Ooh, this is a really interesting idea! If he thinks he was human at some point and isn’t any longer, what was the turning point? Was it when the issusha’im cast their spell? Or when he crossed to Basawar? When he got control of his powers?

Chapter 100

“I beg you to forgive my offenses against you, most holy lord,” Ravishan whispered. His eyes were clenched closed. His hands were locked together in prayer. “Ravishan,” John said softly. “Don’t do this.” “I looked upon you and did not know you,” Ravishan continued as though he hadn’t heard John. “I felt your perfect love but only filled my own heart with lust—”

If John had been with Ravishan when he woke up, I wonder if maybe Ravishan wouldn’t have thought he’d lost John to the Rifter. This whole scene is heartbreaking and I can’t help but suspect that the kahlirash’im who were there with Ravishan got inside his head and convinced him that John had changed and that their love was a sin or something. The comment about being filled with lust definitely brought to mind all the brainwashing and prejudice that Ravishan grew up with in Rathal’pesha.

Chapter 101

“Wah’roa,” Ji responded evenly, “even if the Payshmura do acknowledge Jath’ibaye as the Rifter, they may not submit to his will.” She went on before Wah’roa could argue, “They have already destroyed four Rifter incarnations before this one. They have the means to fight him.”

Ok so… in an earlier chapter John reads that five Rifters have been brought to Basawar from Nayeshi. I guess this could be a mistake, but I prefer to imagine that there was one Rifter that got away and is living a quiet, eternal life somewhere on one of the islands where the jalapeno peppers grow.

“Silence seemed to fill the chamber like a physical presence, isolating each of them and insulating them in their own thoughts. Ravishan’s head tilted back a little and John realized that he’d fallen asleep. His face was beautifully placid, particularly compared to the troubled expressions everywhere else in the room.”

It kills me that this is the last time they're going to be together

“You saw Fikiri hurt Ravishan?” John asked. He couldn’t say kill. He couldn’t even bear to think it. “I saw them fighting in ruins. Perhaps the remains of Umbhra’ibaye. But it doesn’t make sense. Fikiri looked much older than Ravishan. There were bones there, but nothing like the ones I’ve seen before. Then the vision was gone.”

Ugh, and now we have prophecy catch-22s! If Ji had not put John on edge about Fikiri by telling him about this vision, he might never have go to Umbhra’ibaye to save Ravishan. The worst part of this is that it's actually Kyle that Ji saw, but neither of them knew that.

“And you think this all could happen years from now?” “If I had to guess I’d say Fikiri looked like he was fifty.” John relaxed a little. He guessed that even he and Fikiri could make their peace given thirty years.”

I wonder if John ever thought back on this conversation and considered that this vision could still come true after Ravishan died.

“He comforted himself, wondering if Ravishan was still sleeping. Probably. Though most likely, he’d wake up in another hour or so. It wasn’t like him to sleep through an entire day. Perhaps they would make love properly then.”

Cue tears now.

“John gently touched the soft mosses, admiring their resilience. The mosses seemed to curl against John’s hands, as if they somehow returned his affection.”

Making friends with moss. Here’s the sweet John I know and love.

“Fikiri lunged forward much faster than John expected. Fighting beside Sabir’s troops had honed his skills. A wrenching pain exploded through John’s chest as Fikiri drove his curse blade into his heart. John stumbled back from the impact and Fikiri sprang away from him. A terrible, searing pain burned into John’s flesh. The ground shuddered beneath John’s feet. Overhead, faint streaks of clouds suddenly darkened and rolled into black masses. Fikiri watched him with an almost radiant expression, blind to the darkening sky. “You are such a fucking idiot!” John snarled.”

I really, really love that last line. John swears so good.

“The wind swirled down around him. It caressed him with spring warmth and the scents of distant forests as it lifted him high into the air. John drank in the force of the wind and slowly descended back to the ground only a step away from Fikiri.”

I just noticed that he actually levitates here.

“I think that’s a disappointment you’re just going to have to learn to live with,” John replied. “I’m not going to die, Fikiri. I can’t die. I’m the Rifter and nothing you do will ever harm me. You understand? You can’t hurt me. Not now, not ever.”

This is seriously just so badass. Not very well-considered, but god it feels good in the moment.

Chapter 102

No notes, just endless tears.

[notesfromnayeshi]

Group Reread: Notes on Chapters 88-92

Confession time: I wasn’t crazy about these chapters. I know they’re important for building up the tension of the rebellion and also showing John coming into his Rifter powers, but I. Don’t. Care. About. Military. Shit. Like, at all. Even when it comes with gratuitous naked group bathtime. 

Chapter 88

“John felt his face go hot and red. The words Saimura had used made the whole thing sound like a rape. Then John remembered the warm, quivering gasps of Saimura’s talisman. He remembered the sobbing that had stopped him. A sick feeling of horror sank through John. “I didn’t mean—I never—” John couldn’t think of what to say. He needed some way to make things right with Saimura, to take back what he had done.”

I wonder if this was meant as an analog to discussions about consent that happen in real life? In this case, I don’t think John could be expected to know how the talisman would have affected Saimura, and he just did what Saimura told him to do with it. But still, this just sounds a lot like the argument of someone who took advantage of an ambiguous consent situation.

“His dreams were a troubled wreck of confused guilt and longing for Ravishan. It hadn’t even been a month and yet he already felt Ravishan’s absence like a chronic ache.”

Aww, John. It hasn’t even been a whole chapter and so do I!

Chapter 89

“You survived? That’s a miracle.” Sheb’yu raised her brows. “Saimura prayed for you every night for a week, you know.” Saimura flushed, his expression deeply pained.”

This absolutely sounds like a big sister teasing a little brother about a crush. I think Saimura has had a crush on John for a while.

Sheb’yu mentions her “widow’s carriage” and “widow’s shawls” and it makes me wonder if widows actually have more autonomy and freedom in Basawar than maiden or married women. I also can’t help but wonder if Sheb’yu is faking being a widow. It’s kind of an awesome idea and a great cover for a female spy.

Chapter 90

No notes!

Chapter 91

“The moment Saimura’s hands closed around the bird’s body it went entirely still. John frowned at its strange, limp form. It didn’t appear to have a head or legs. Its long white wings sprawled out from a tiny cage of carved bones. A dark red stone hung between the bones like a heart.”

I totally missed this on previous reads, but this sounds like an animated bird skeleton kind of like Laurie’s hungry bones. Between this, the ushiri’im crossing Gray Space, and the Fai’daum’s voice transmitting stones that we heard about in Kahlil’s section it seems like there are lots of ways to communicate over distance in Basawar.

Chapter 92

“Where Ravishan was lean and scarred, Saimura appeared supple and unmarred. ”

Hmmm maybe the attraction between John and Saimura is a little bit mutual? Interesting that he compares him to Ravishan.

[notesfromnayeshi]

Group Reread: Notes on Chapters 58 - 62

Chapter 58

“Standing together like this, bickering without any real anger, it was easy to forget that they were not lovers. It was even harder to remember that they never had been. He knew the heat of John’s naked skin against his own body.”

It’s interesting that he says ‘John’ here when he always thinks of him as Jath’ibaye in these sections.

“You realize you’re advocating for the same people who just tried to sacrifice you to the Bousim house?” Jath’ibaye asked. “They’re just scared,” Kahlil replied. “And they don’t know me.”

Gosh, Kahlil is so much less vindictive than Ravishan was. I think he mellowed a lot in Nayeshi. I cannot imagine Ravishan easily forgiving the council, much less trying to see things from their point of view.

“Is your bath on the left? Mine is. The layout of our apartments seems pretty similar.” “They’re identical,” Jath’ibaye said.”

He didn’t even have to think about that for a second. He knows exactly what Kahlil’s rooms look like. I can’t help but think there’s something going on there, like he wanted Kahlil to feel like John’s rooms are his own.

“A model,” Jath’ibaye replied without much interest. “The soil and stones are linked to the real lands. Ji built it to keep track of things outside of Vundomu. I just use it to grow varieties of winter moss.”

John is just so precious.

“Kahlil watched as Jath’ibaye reached under his pillow and fished out a pair of russet long johns.”

For real question, why is John keeping his pajamas under his pillow? Is this a thing that people do?

“It doesn’t have to be anything you don’t want. Just lie beside me, so that I can know you’re safe.”

Oh gosh, there’s just so much going on here. This is so revealing of John’s state of mind.

Chapter 59

“The voice broke and cut out like a bad radio signal. It was thin and desperate. Something white skittered through his sleeping mind. Bones wired together with copper. ”

Oh gosh, this is Rousma calling to him. She has been alone with evil Loshai and Fikiri for so long!

“As Kahlil watched, the scars marring Jath’ibaye’s chest seemed to fade away.”

I wonder if this is the scars literally fading or if Kahlil’s attention is just being drawn away. If it’s the first, why did it happen to suddenly a few days after the incident?

“The expression was neither brilliant nor breathtaking. Kahlil doubted that many people would have found it alluring. Jath’ibaye’s smile was simply too pure. He radiated an innocent, unguarded happiness. ”

I’m sorry, but how is that not alluring?

“But then, Ravishan wasn’t here to claim Jath’ibaye. It was Kahlil’s turn to have a lover. This lover.”

It’s kind of interesting how it took both the work and sacrifices of both Ravishan and Kahlil in order to get to this moment. If Kahlil hadn’t gone to Nayeshi, then John would never have come to Basawar. If Ravishan hadn’t met John and fallen in love and died, Kahlil would not have this future to wind up in.

“Not me. I have to admit I miss my minty-fresh gel.” “Not so fond of our Basawar gum-scouring grit?” Jath’ibaye teased.”

I love this role reversal! Kahlil referring to Nayeshi toothpaste as his and John referring to Basawar as if he’s a native. At some point Kahlil points out that John has lived there longer than he ever did, and this is a great moment that shows it.

“I’d like to give it a try. But Eriki’yu mentioned that you have duties for me. If there’s something you need done, I’ll do that instead.” Jath’ibaye started to say something but then just released a heavy sigh. He gazed at Kahlil and then looked past him to the model of Basawar spread across his table.”

I wonder what it was that he wanted Kahlil to do? My guess is that he would prefer Kahlil stayed safely inside translating that book. Poor, overprotective John. :D

Chapter 60

“He didn’t enjoy the sensation of those incantations, as they stirred boyhood memories of his own training, when Dayyid had trapped him in the darkest chambers of Rathal’pesha and done all he could to break him. ”

Does this sound as horrifying to everyone else as it does to me? I’m back on the hating Dayyid train. Woo woo!

“Everything is fine—” Kahlil began, but to his surprise, Pesha suddenly threw herself at him, gripping him in a fierce hug. She buried her head against his chest and squeezed so hard that Kahlil had to fight to breathe.”

I’m appreciating Pesha so much more on this reread. She is a doll baby.

When Besh’anya asks Kahlil if the Payshmura priests tortured him and he says no, she looks disappointed. I thought that was a bit strange. Maybe she was hoping for some anti-Payshmura propaganda?

“Kahlil held out his hand. Jath’ibaye took in the small gash and the deep concern in his expression faded away. Then he pulled Kahlil into his arms and held him.”

This will be the death of me. Overwhelmed-with-worry-and-affection is my favorite look on John.

Kahlil recounts what happened in his version of the confrontation with Dayyid in Candle Alley and it is absolutely devastating. And then that fact that he’s so traumatized by the experience that he goes over 12 years without any physical contact whatsoever. The heartbreak is so real.

Chapter 61

“The dark red blood staining her paws and claws was Jath’ibaye’s. No other blood could offer her more power. Though Kahlil had found the amount Jath’ibaye had readily sacrificed disconcerting. ”

Given the amount of blood that Kahlil has sacrificed, this is either very hypocritical or John has given a disconcerting amount.

“How old are you, Ji?” “Oh, I’ve probably stayed in this worn out body too long. Sixty years is a long time for dog-flesh to last, even with a witch wearing it.”

Ok, now I’m straight-up confused. How old is Saimura? I pictured him as younger than John from his description as a youth when John first meets him. Is this a plot-hole? Can Ji come and go from her dog body? I don’t like this!

“I couldn’t say how long I remained imprisoned before your mother took pity on me and freed me.” Ji sighed.”

I wonder why Kahlil’s mother specifically took pity on Ji over the other issusha oracles.

Chapter 62

“Kahlil swore as a rough area of the Gray Space scraped against his forearm. He stopped, staring at the tiny distortion that had bitten into his skin. It hung in front of Kahlil like a fine scratch on a glass pane. Against the gray forms of the Lisam tents and patrolling guards, the disturbance was tiny. ”

This quote comes from when Kahlil is following Fikiri’s path through the Lisam camp. Originally, I thought the disturbances in Gray Space near the Payshmura ruins were caused by John destroying the sites but maybe they were caused by Fikiri stalking around those areas for so many years.

“Fikiri resembled an old drop cloth that had been hurled across a finely carved chair.”

I laughed out loud at this line.

“There are poisons that dull his anger and wear him down. But I no longer have any way of feeding them to him,” Ourath said.”

I’m curious about what these could be. We know that Niru’mohim has pretty much the exact opposite effect, so it probably wasn’t that.

So late, but I’m a completist so I needed to post them. I should have last week’s notes (Chapters 63-67) posted later today! Then I’ll be back on schedule.

[notesfromnayeshi]

Group Reread: Notes on Chapters 38 - 42

Chapter 38

“That was a rasho that our Jahn took down. And the man had been mistreating ladies all evening. Jahn may very well have been acting as Parfir’s wrath for the offenses”

The irony is non-sop!

I’m finding myself feeling the slightest twinges of sympathy for Dayyid in some of these chapters. On my first two reads I absolutely loathed him and found him to have no redeeming qualities, so this is a weird change of heart for me. Don’t get me wrong! I still hate that ass, but I also kind of feel like he’s more human this time around and not totally evil.

“John looked to see how Ravishan was responding to all of this. His expression was distant, his eyes still fixed on Dayyid’s back. He didn’t even seem to be listening to the conversation.”

Ravishan’s actions during the bonfire remind me of the trance that Fikiri was in when John led him up the steps.

I definitely think John caused the storm.

Chapter 39

“John nodded and started down the muddy street. He doubted that he needed to lead Ravishan by the hand any longer, but he didn’t want to let go of him, either.”

I can’t even take notes anymore, I’m just over here crying.

“When he turned back to hand the other blanket to Ravishan, he found that Ravishan still wore his wet cassock. Some color had come back into his face and a blush was spreading across his cheeks. His expression was a weird mix of arousal and misery.”

I love the realness of this. It's not sexy at all, he's just traumatized.

“He glanced to Ravishan. He knew it was a double standard of the deepest affection that kept him from applying the same expectation to Ravishan.”

I think this is a great point that applies to us as readers too. Is Ravishan as sympathetic of a character as he used to be? Should he be sympathized with? Does the fact that he killed a girl under duress, or that she was also a murder make any difference? I know I’m personally doing exactly what John did and cutting Ravishan major slack because I love him as a character. But if Fikiri had been the one to start the bonfire, would I give him a pass here? I feel like I wouldn’t.

“Ravishan wiped the back of his hand across his face. He kept his head lowered. “I think I always knew they were criminals, but they weren’t bad. They never hurt anyone. There was even a big, golden dog. Nobody tried to kill her or cook her. ”

Ji! How funny that Ji tells Kyle in a later chapter about this and it feels like new info. But I’m with everyone else in that the Ji/Rousma/Ravishan’s sister/Kyle’s Sister connection was all very vague and confusing on my first read.

“god, I’m babbling like a baby.”

More irony! Ravishan is literally addressing his god.

Chapter 40

“Dayyid probably spent all last night sharpening his razors for what little hair I’ve managed to grow out,” Ravishan muttered.”

I'm just going to headcanon that Dayyid has been continually punishing Ravishan by cutting his hair because there is no way that it hasn't grown longer in two years.

“Soon he was familiar with the barrack-like chambers where the ushiri’im slept”

Oh really, John? Rawr.

“Locked cabinets held tattered white T-shirts, work pants, a baseball and a wide variety of postage stamps.”

Hilarious that they have so many postage stamps but the letter that John opened didn’t have postage on it. Maybe Ji didn’t know about that.

“John stepped closer and placed his hand against the cold iron of the door. A feeling of utter revulsion swept over him. He pulled his hand back. The same feeling had come to him from the yasi’halaun”

I might be getting twisted up in the timeline here, but when did John ever have this feeling near the yasi’halaun. The only time he would have been near it would be with Kyle in Nayeshi, right? And he never seemed to mention anything about Kyle’s knives making him uncomfortable.

“They can only look into the future. They cannot alter it. That is the work of the Kahlil. Perhaps your question should be put to him.”

This is doubly interesting! First, what exactly does it mean that the Kahlil can alter the future? Do they mean just by taking regular actions they can change the possible outcome of events? Or is there more to it than that? Also, why are they speaking like a Kahlil has already been ordained? Interesting!

The concept of all the Rifters coming from a small geographic region and a relatively short segment of time is really interesting! That means that theoretically some of the older Rifters of the past could actually have been born in Nayeshi after John. I also find it interesting that the only other Rifter we get a description of is said to look like Laurie, who we know also looks a bit like John, who both look “Eastern”. Is there some connection between the Kingdom of the East and Nayeshi?

Chapter 41

I love, love, love this chapter. I love John’s birthday celebration and the slower, more contented tone that we get. It’s such a refreshing lull leading into some of the most intense sections of the book.

“Ravishan leaned against the doorframe, letting the building take his weight. His hands were loosely tucked into the pockets of his coat while his arms hung slack. No twenty-year-old should have looked so at ease with exhaustion.”

Poor baby. No further comment; I just wanted to leave this here.

“We common people don’t celebrate our births the way you gaun’im do.”

Does Ravishan see himself as common? He is a member of a gaun'im family, technically. I guess it’s possible that he doesn’t actually know that. He was raised in the north by his parents, Ji, and other Northern Fai’daum peasants, so it makes sense that he would identify with that.

“It was a simple pattern of two leaves curling out from a single vine.”

I think this might be the symbol that Jath’ibaye eventually takes for his seal? In an earlier chapter Kyle mentions seeing a pattern of two leaves all over Jath’ibaye’s palace in Nurjima.

Chapter 42

“Flames arced through the air. The sound of tearing metal cut through the morning silence.”

Interesting that this sounds just like the description of Fikiri opening Gray Space. Now that we know he was listening, I wonder if he tried to use the technique and could never quite master it.

I adore this confrontation between John, Ravishan, and Fikiri. Ravishan’s total disdain for Fikiri is amazing and John has superhuman patience. I love them both so much.

“Take a nap. I need someone who can appreciate my gossip like second wife.” “You don’t have a first wife,” John said.”

I never noticed this bit of irony between Hann’yu and John before!

Hann’yu tells Dayyid that it takes years for the Kahlil to find the Rifter in Nayeshi. I wonder if it really took Kyle that long? He seems to have been with John for a long time if he was sleeping under his childhood bed and stealing their cereal.

[notesfromnayeshi]

Group Reread: Notes on Chapters 68 - 72

Chapter 68

“Yes, until he took the name Jath’ibaye.” Alidas’ expression darkened. “And destroyed the entire Payshmura faith.” “If it was anyone’s right, it was his,” Kahlil replied evenly. “He is the Rifter.”

This is a pretty interesting idea. What does it mean if a god you worship asks you to stop? Would it be your last act of devotion?

“It’s odd, but if he weren’t the Rifter himself, I don’t think he would believe in Parfir.”

I'm still not sure John actually believes in Parfir anyway. I mean, he knows he has powers but I don't think he buys into the other aspects of what it means to believe. What is Parfir to him, after all? John has no memories of past Rifter incarnations or of creating the world. John claiming to actually be Parfir would be akin to Superman discovering his powers, learning about religion, and concluding that he’s a god.

“Wah’roa?” Alidas asked. “The kahlirash?” “Yes,” Kahlil said. “He’s in charge of Vundomu’s defense.” “I thought he had died,” Alidas said. “You knew him?” Kahlil asked. “A long, long time ago.” Alidas glanced to an old, yellowed picture. “It doesn’t matter. Go on with what happened after the council meeting.” ”

Poor Alidas, finding out that all his friends and his god are on the other side.

Chapter 69

I like to think Kyle went back occasionally to hang out with those guys, they would be so excited.

I really enjoyed all the interactions in this chapter, even though I didn’t take many notes.

Chapter 70

“If we had more time…” Jath’ibaye began but didn’t bother to go on. They didn’t have more time. They only had a few days. “I’m sorry, Hirran.” Hirran bowed her head into her hands and Kahlil thought that she might be crying. ”

I haven't cared about Hirran all that much, but for some reason this really got to me. She just wants peace so badly and that is pretty admirable.

Chapter 71

“Now everything depended on what Nivoun would do. If he were the kind of man who waited, then Kahlil would have to force the situation.”

I am super curious how he would have done this. Come out and threaten Nivoun at gunpoint maybe?

“Another unwanted image flickered through his mind: his little sister screaming as the black smoke of their mother’s witch’s pyre rolled up before her. ”

I was just wondering about this: whether Rousma had witnessed their mother's death. How awful.

“Kahlil stood and walked to the window, trying to read Jath’ibaye’s reaction to Ourath’s death in the sky.”

I don’t think I would not have noticed this but @austonmatth3ws pointed it out and I love it.

Chapter 72

This chapter was short, but very sweet. Kahlil pays so much attention to John, probably a relic of when he was tasked with watching over him for so many years. It’s nice to have a little breather of a chapter before we get back to all the warfare and combat.

[notesfromnayeshi]

Group Reread: Notes on Chapter 11-15

Chapter 11

Pivan describes the night as "godless", which makes me think of the phrase "palace of the day, in the kingdom of the night". I wonder if they see the "kingdom of the night" as Nayeshi, because it's a place where they don't believe in Parfir. But it's also the "palace of the day" because it is where the Rifter is born? I don't know, just something about the phrase "godless night" brought that to mind.

I know some people already mentioned this on Discord, but it stood out to me too: John might have actually caused Saimura to trip on a tree root. I think it's super plausible! He was wishing so hard that Saimura would be safe.

"As John pushed himself to his feet, the young man looked up at him and went pale. His brown eyes were wide with fear. The moment he caught sight of the rifle in John's hand he drew out a long hunting knife. He didn't hold it towards John. Instead, he turned the blade to his own throat.

"Don't," John whispered to him.

"I won't burn on your Holy Road," Saimura said."

What. A. Badass. I love Saimura!

Chapter 12

I like that they have indoor plumbing in Basawar. It's a weird worldbuilding detail that you don't usually expect in a fantasy setting. A lot of Basawar is like that, which I love. It's not your typical fantasy world!

Lady Bousim says of Bill and Laurie "perhaps it was fated that they should be wed." She's sort of right! They were never technically married, and who knows what would have happened between them if they had stayed in Nayeshi. They pretended to be married as a survival tactic in Basawar, which ended up with them essentially *being* married for all intents and purposes. But I have to wonder, is that really what they both wanted? Given more freedom, would they have stayed with each other?

"Her expression turned sad and she clenched her hands into fists around the chains."

We talked a little in the Discord channel about what marriage chains looked like, and I am amending my opinion to say that I think @sammybunny711​ is completely right and that the chains hang down between the fingers. At first I didn't think it made sense, because it would be so impractical and annoying to have chains always hanging down and getting in the way of anything you tried to grab, but now that I think about it that actually is very believable. The marriage chains are definitely presented as a burden imposed on women, so I can definitely see them being inconvenient and impractical (just like many other beauty and fashion trends that women have endured in the real world).

"Now, you see a fair-haired child and no one thinks anything of it, not even the child's own mother. She may have Eastern blood but it doesn't matter because her soul has become Basawar. It's pitiful."

She's definitely talking about herself here. We haven't actually met Fikiri at this point, so we don't know that he is fair-haired, but it makes sense. I feel bad for Lady Bousim. She's very passionate about her heritage, and that's relatable. It's sad that she doesn't get a better fate.

John ponders how Ravishan has an "uncanny knack" for finding him. Even though, for Ravishan's timeline, the bond hasn't actually been forged yet, I think it still exists between them. For John, the bond was forged when he was a child. There is definitely some self-fulfilling prophecy going on with the Issusha'im and the way they direct the outcomes of the future.

Chapter 13

Pivan tells John that it's his duty to make sure Lady Bousim never leaves Amura'taye. Maybe that's why he's so insistent that Fikiri makes it up the Thousand Steps. It sounds like if Fikiri succeeds, Lady Bousim must stay there, but if he fails or if he dies then she can go back to Nurjima.

Marriage customs are definitely strange in Basawar. Pivan can't believe that Laurie agreed to marry Bill, saying "Perhaps she didn't give him much of a fight". Reminds me of Wildling marriages in A Song of Ice and Fire where the wildling men "steal" their brides and the women will fight their suitors if they're not interested in marriage.

"But you don't have a woman waiting back in your village?" Pivan's voice broke into his thoughts. "No," John said quickly. "I don't have anyone." More truth. This conversation was turning out to be among the most depressing of his life."

Awww, John. Just wait! Only 3 or 4 years before you finally get to be with Ravishan..

"John found it a little ironic that Pivan would want to teach him one set of prayers so that Lady Bousim could have no objection to him, while the lady sent her servant to teach him another set of prayers to win Pivan's approval"

The levels of irony are deep here. John is praying at his own temple. And all the acolytes who visit the temple are actually praying in the literal presence of Parfir.

"The stone was dark and rose up into a man's body, arms outstretched. In places his muscles seemed to melt into carvings of branches, flowers and leaves."

According to Payshmura philosophy, Parfir and the Rifter are two incarnations of the same divinity. It seems like they might not have it entirely right though. John, who is definitely the Rifter (we see the destructive power for sure) also embodies the regenerative, benevolent nature of Parfir. It makes it extra sad that the Payshmura essentially broke the good natures of every past incarnation of their god so that only the destructive Rifter was ever seen. They never realized the same powers could be used to do good for the world.

"When he closed his eyes, he thought he could still hear Pivan whispering prayers."

Maybe he can! Maybe Parfir really does hear prayers.

Chapter 14

"Sky and stones didn't speak Basawar or any other language"

I love how righteously indignant John is on behalf of the stones.

"Candidate Fikiri, you have come a long way through hardship and danger but Parfir has reached out his hand and given you his protection."

Literally! There is so much irony in these chapters.

"Ravishan reached past John to pull a spray of pine needles from the branch above them."

This is a description from when John finds Ravishan in the courtyard. I love how this scene ends up mirrored later on in Nurjima when they are checking into the hotel and Ravishan is shredding a flower between his fingers. And I also think this description calls back to the diner scene in Chapter 4 when Kyle notices Laurie reach past Bill to get the menus and he think about how the act of reaching past someone so casually displays great intimacy.

Chapter 15

Back with my sweet angel, Kyle!

Some of the politics in this chapter are interesting. If you haven't seen the Lisam family tree from the paperback extras, you may not know that Ravishan, Rousma, and Dayyid are (or were) down the line of Lisam succession, Dayyid being a younger son and Ravishan and Rousma being the children of a younger son or daughter.

"So, I kill him and then I'm on my own?" Kahlil asked. The prospect seemed oddly familiar."

I think this is what he would have been expected to do in Nayeshi. Kill John, and then stay there and do whatever you want? I guess. It seems strange that they Payshmura wouldn't want him to come back after he killed the Rifter.

Alidas: quiet, mysterious, good leader, responsible, hard to get a word out of… I'd say Kahlil definitely has a type. We all agree that he's crushing hard on Alidas, right?

[notesfromnayeshi]

Group Reread: Notes on Chapters 28 - 32

Chapter 28

The key and doorway imagery is being repeated here as John learns more about Rathal’pesha. Almost makes me wonder if Nayeshi is just one of many worlds that could be accessed through a Gate.

“Their faces showed that strange, worn texture that John had noticed in many ushiri’im. They weren’t tanned, wrinkled or chaffed like the ushvun. These men’s skins were pale and too fine, almost as if their features had been eroded to an unnatural smoothness. ”

Gray Space: makes a great skin exfoliant!

When Dayyid is looking for his assistant to practice The God’s Razor, he considers Ravishan. And we get a line about Ravishan meeting Dayyid’s eyes defiantly, which of course makes me think that Dayyid probably picks on Ravishan all the time and he’s used to it. And my heart is breaking again.

“John wondered if he was in shock from the pain. He watched, feeling almost like a distant observer, as his right arm dropped down and grabbed the God’s Razor. He felt the jagged grinding edge of Gray Space bite into his palm, but the pain was muted and dull.”

I wonder if this out-of-body sensation is how the other Rifters felt when they were in pain? This scene does feel like another example of pain and suffering causing John’s abilities to manifest.

Chapter 29

The conversation between Ravishan and Hann’yu in the infirmary has a sense of familiarity to it, almost like Hann’yu is a father-figure or mentor for Ravishan. This makes me so happy. I’m just glad to think that he (and Kyle in his timeline) had *someone* he could go to for emotional support.

These interactions between John and Ravishan are so damn adorable. I just want to read 100,000 words of them being super sweet to each other.

Chapter 30

“John found himself willing away the Gray Space with the same intense concentration that he had called upon as a young child to destroy the monsters he imagined awaiting him beneath his bed. It was all he could do, and he hated it.”

Aww, and it was just Kyle under his bed the whole time!

“The Kahlil could be a heretic’s son or a gaun’im’s by-blow.”

I’m guessing these refer to Ravishan and Fikiri, respectively. I wonder if the heretic was Ravishan’s father or his mother? Maybe both?

“If a Gray Space closes on him, he would simply allow it to devour him.”

Dayyid says this about John, which is think is both irony and possibly a clue to what the little rooms in Rathal’pesha is. Kyle remembers being locked in there as part of their training. Maybe they were meant to simulate a closed Gray Space?

“Then the conversation turned to the vague prophesies surrounding the Rifter. It was good to hear about things that had nothing to do with him for a while.”

I can’t help but noting some more of that tasty, tasty irony.

Chapter 31

“He’d been living around too many things that he wasn’t inclined to believe in to feel completely secure in his skepticism.”

John is still skeptical about Ravishan explanations of Parfir and the Rifter. The fact that he still has any skepticism as all is pretty impressive, and maybe a little bit foolish. You feel through a mystical gateway into a world where people can teleport and dogs can talk. Why wouldn’t you believe in a super-destructive god?

“When the yasi’halaun drinks the blood of the Rifter, it grows into the Nayeshi’hala. That, too, is carried by the Kahlil.”

This was confusing to me on my first read. So, as Kahlil, Kyle carried three blades: the Nayeshi’hala (his sword that was broken before he came back to Basawar), the yasi’halaun (which was just a small black knife until it tasted John’s blood), and a regular curse knife.

“Absently, he wondered if numbering pages had just never occurred as an idea or if somehow the Payshmura had deemed it sinful.”

John, do you seriously think the idea of numbering pages could be sinful? If you do really think of that as a possibility, then that says something terrifying about the Payshmura. What other mundane things might they see as sinful? Labeling your spice jars? Color coordinating your socks? Who knows?!

“I just stopped in to have Ushvun Jahn look at my arm.” Ravishan pulled himself off the stool. “It’s been hurting lately.” “Yes, I’ve noticed you’ve had a sudden rash of injuries.” Hann’yu nodded, barely concealing his amusement. “You’ve been in to see Ushvun Jahn almost every day for the last three weeks. I hope you aren’t dying.” Ravishan flushed. “No, I just...”

It needs to be said. Ravishan is the cutest.

“He’s so much better at controlling the Gray Space than most of them and too proud of himself for any of them to like him.”

I have serious doubts about how much of Hann’yu’s opinions here are actually true. We do see Ravishan taking pride in his abilities, probably even to the point to being cocky, but he is still very likable. Maybe he’s toning his pride down a bit for John because he really likes John, but I find it hard to imagine that he’s so arrogant that every other ushiri dislikes him. I suspect that some of the animosity between the Ravishan and the other ushiri’im is sown intentionally by Dayyid in order to distance Ravishan and keep him focused. I don’t really have any proof of this except that I find it hard to believe that such an outgoing, social person as Ravishan wouldn’t have made a single friend until the most taciturn man on the planet showed up.

Chapter 32

“Destroyer of worlds?” Laurie’s eyes widened. “Does that sound at all like me?”

Unfortunately, yes.

“But I don’t think they did it on purpose. The Payshmura used them. They set them off somehow.”

Is it just my headcanon, or does it explicitly say somewhere that the Rifter is awakened by the Payshmura essentially torturing them until they snap and start destroying shit?

“He said, “You haven’t been doing anything, have you?” “No,” Laurie said quickly. “Yes,” Bill admitted.”

Some hints about Laurie’s character here. She is so quick to jump to the lie.

“I don’t know if I believe you. There was always this weird tension between the two of you,” Laurie said. “That was seething hatred, utterly free of homoerotic underpinnings.”

Ok so the whole Anthony Salazar passage is really interesting. What does this story signify? Is the author trying to show that Laurie doesn't know John as well as she thinks? Or is it trying to show something else? I wonder if maybe she is making a comment on the trope of enemies to lovers that is so pervasive in mm romance.

“Bill said, “I know this is off topic, but when we get back home, what are we going to tell everyone? I mean, we’ve been gone two years now.”

I had a super interesting conversation with @vahli about this! It brings up a really interesting point: back in Nayeshi Bill, Laurie, and John are basically just another story of a group of people who mysteriously went missing in the woods. There would probably be all kinds of conspiracy theories about what had happened to them. Maybe someone would start a podcast investigating their disappearance. Their families would go on television and talk about the case. It’s funny to think of it from that point of view, because people disappearing is something that definitely does happen.

“Laurie laughed out loud and then clapped her hands over her mouth. John smiled. It was good to hear her really laugh, even for a few seconds.”

This makes me sad. Just a reminder of how tough it is for all of them.

[notesfromnayeshi]

Group Reread: Notes on Chapters 1 - 5

Chapter 1

“The letter wasn’t addressed to John. The return address, however, was his.”

Right off the bat, I’ve got questions. How did Ji know the return address of Kyle and John’s house unless Kyle had informed the Payshmura at some point of his moving in there? Why does this matter? Well, it adds more fuel to my theory that Kahlil was going back and forth between Basawar and Nayeshi.

The underwear catalog. Just saying, they generally don’t ship you a catalog unless you’ve bought something from them. And we know Kyle doesn’t wear underwear. So… John wears “absurdly small briefs” is now canon. Don’t look at me, I go where the clues lead. :D

John says he hasn’t seen Kyle for two weeks: since he ran into him at the bathhouse. But was Kyle in Basawar for two weeks? Or - hear me out - was he just sulking in Gray Space and avoiding an awkward conversation with his roommate about what he was doing at the bath house?

John describes the padlock for Kyle’s room as heavy, iron, and like a prop from a pirate movie. It also supposedly looks like it matches the key from the envelope. That has to have come from Basawar. No one is going to convince me that Kahlil brought a giant padlock with him on first and only trip through the Great Gate. He has to be going back and forth!

Kyle’s soap is still in its wrapper. Again, why? Because he’s using his lifetime supply of istana soap?

Why does Kyle keep his food in a locked cupboard? I think in a later chapter we find out that it’s not actually food in there, but guns and ammunition?

“There was a certain ease to simply not knowing what Kyle was thinking while watching him slink up the stairs, dressed in a heavy black leather coat, carrying lethal-looking knives and a bundle of cloth as long as  a human arm. ”

I’m assuming this is the sword? But where is he taking it?

Chapter 2

“The misty forms of overhanging branches split and scattered as he plunged through them. Trees blew aside in wisps.”

This description of Kahlil’s movement through Gray Space is really cool. I didn’t notice it as much on my last read through, but it helps me visualize how the ushiri’im can move at variable speeds through the Gray Space.

Kahlil kills Ji in this timeline by stabbing her in the neck with his curse blade. I was very tempted to read ahead and check exactly how Fikiri kills her in the alternate timeline. (But, I’ll be good and wait until we get there!) It would be interesting if her two deaths, both by ushiri popping out of Gray Space, happened the same way.

I did not even realize that Ji cursed Kahlil’s wound before she died. That makes sense why it’s so debilitating. I remember thinking that it must have been one hell of a nasty dog bite, but this makes so much more sense.

“The Prayerscars over his eyes seared white-hot lines into his darkness.”

This quote intrigued me. It seems like the prayerscars might actually function to protect the kahlil’s eyes while they travel through the Gate. When Kahlil goes back through the broken gate in a later chapter his eyes get kind of messed up and he no longer has the prayerscars. I’m not sure what to make of this, other than to mention that it piques my interest.

“Kahlil caught the sound of footsteps pacing the kitchen. He easily pictured John, striding through the room, his strong frame almost too tall for the ceiling fan, the breeze from its overhead blades tousling his disorderly blonde hair. Then Kyle remembered him wearing only a white towel, glancing back over his tan, muscular shoulder and catching Kyle’s guilty gaze.”

Well, lookee here! Kahlil referring to himself as Kyle in his own POV chapter. What to make of this? An error? Or perhaps a meaningful clue? Who knows!

Chapter 3

It’s explicitly stated here that John moved into his house a year ago. This tightens the timeline so much! That means that Kyle has to have been there no more than 9 months and possibly less. I think this disappoints me so much because I just want Kyle to get more time to relax and be happy and be with John.

“He supposed that he was almost as bad as Kyle when it came to maintaining his privacy. Maybe that’s why they made such good roommates.”

Aww, John thinks they make good roommates! Considering he spends most of these first chapters dwelling on how weird he finds Kyle, this is interesting.

“It gave him a slightly sordid feeling to stare into his bedroom and contemplate money. He sensed that this wasn’t a resource that decent people ever resorted to considering.”

Should I be taking this that John is considering prostitution as a way to pay his rent? What else could he mean? Why wouldn’t “decent people” resort to selling their furniture?

John’s contemplation of money and how he can scrape together his rent is soo important. We know that John is extremely responsible, thoughtful, and conscientious. But here he finds himself in a tough situation that is completely not his fault and without any support structure to turn to. This is a real-life problem for a lot of young people, and particularly young LGBT+ people. John came out to his parents and they cut him off completely. There are so many real people out there who suffer when they come out to their families or guardians. I love that John is shown here, not immune to any of that. He is a smart, resourceful, thoughtful, responsible, good person and he still struggles with the difficulties of life as a young person who has lost all familial support. This is very real.

And on a lighter note, John wears a bathrobe?

Chapter 4

Ok, if you’ve talked with my about The Rifter all all you probably know that I love this chapter. It might legit be my favorite in the series. It’s right up at the top either way. Kahlil is so perfect here. His observations about Nayeshi put his own life in Basawar into stark relief. His fascination with John is absolutely adorable. I’m not going to spend this entire chapter gushing about Kyle, so let’s just sum it up like this:

Kyle is perfect. He’s an angel and he can do no wrong.

When Laurie calls John “Toffee” Kyle acts like he doesn’t know what that means. But wouldn’t he know? Ravishan heard her call him that in his original vision of the Rifter. Like, it was basically the first thing he ever knew about John?

Is it weird that after months of living together, Kyle has never met John’s friends?

“The conversation reminded Kahlil of talking to the bones. Everything alluded to something else. One word might mean another thing completely. “Sword” could be “a key.” “A key” could be “death.”

I love the allusions to double-entendres and duality in Kyle’s chapters. This quote is particularly cool because Kyle’s sword is a key and the key that is sent to him is the key that opens the Rifter’s death.

Kyle says that the bones spoke in riddles because “their lives depended on deception”. This seems to imply that the oracles are intentionally obscuring info or holding something back.

On John’s public level of physical intimacy: Kahlil notes that in private, John could be very different. I wonder if he means in private with him or with other men that he’s observed John with?

“The ritual interrogation of ordering a breakfast in this world” 

I feel ya Kahlil; I still get stressed out by this. So many follow-up questions!

“In his own world, Kahlil saw such ugly things. He had done such hateful things.”

The use of different tenses here is interesting: “saw” vs “had done”, rather than “had seen” and “had done”. I don’t feel like I know enough about grammar to comment beyond just pointing this out.  :D Also, what hateful things is he referring to, I wonder?

When Laurie is doing her “reading” for Kahlil, we get this quote:

“Suddenly, he felt something brush against him, very softly, almost like a breath of air. An old, musty scent washed over him. Kahlil recognized the smell, even as weak as this was. ”

Wonder what that familiar scent is? It doesn’t sound like the description of the smell of Gray Space.

Kahlil doesn’t remember ever eating in front of John. That seems weird, after they’ve lived together for months!

“He had barely been conscious. His entire body had ached with bruises and cuts. He remembered feeling ravenous and nauseous at the same time.”

This is Kahlil’s memory of the night John gave him the apple. This quote slays me. Where the hell was Kahlil? What happened to him?

“He had staggered through the darkness down the staircase, and John had off-handedly said, “Welcome home” and offered him an apple.”

This is so interesting! John says welcome home after Kahlil comes *down* the staircase, almost like he knows he was away, even though he just came from his room.

“One time John went to Bill’s house, and Bill’s grandma made John stand in the bathtub with a rubber hose tied around his waist,”

Why did I get a weird, kinky vibe from this?

Bill’s description of the bonfire… he was definitely high, right?

Chapter 5

My biggest impression of this chapter is the character dynamic between John, Laurie, and Bill. He is so different from them. It makes me wonder if they had all stayed in Nayeshi what their relationships would have evolved into.

Why do I find John’s driving a manual so hot? Something about shifting gears that really does it for me…

I love the way John is never baited by Laurie and Bill. He’s so calm, and so grounded in who he is. I want a friend like John.

John is so connected with the natural world. I wonder if his sense of isolation and his introversion are actually caused by his connection to the earth? Like, he is so deeply moved by his connection to nature to the point, so much so that he cannot communicate it to anyone else  who doesn’t feel it, and it’s caused him to even stop trying. Interesting that Kyle is also very moved by the natural world of Nayeshi. I think if they’d had more time together they would have bonded over this.

I’m super curious about John’s aversion to the Great Gate stones and to Gray Space. I suspect that both might have to do with how they damage the world of Basawar, which is essentially damaging John himself.

Once they’re in Basawar, John catigates himself and feels super guilty and responsible for turning the key and getting them transported there. But this scene makes it super clear that Laurie and Bill were encouraging him to do it. Not that it’s their fault, but I don’t think John should be so hard on himself.

Aaaaand, that’s it for this week! Ask/DM/reblog/reply with any thoughts on my notes! I’d love to hear what you think. And join in next week (March 19 - 25) for Chapters 6 -10!