Retro Roulette #69: Quest for the Shaven Yak Starring Ren Hoëk & Stimpy (Game Gear, 1993)
Yes, it’s that number. Nice. Moving on.
Wait...what? I’m reviewing what now?
Well then. There are a small handful of games based on The Ren & Stimpy Show, and to my knowledge, they’re all unique - none were released on multiple consoles or whatever (sorta like what I mentioned about Aladdin a few weeks back).
For the uninitiated, the Shaven Yak is a key figure of Yak Shaving Day, an important holiday in the Ren & Stimpy universe. You see, on Yak Shaving Day, you nail diapers to the wall, fill up a pair of boots with cole slaw, and leave a big bowl of lather by the sink, so that when the yak comes to your house in his magic canoe, he can shave. Everyone clear on this? Okay, good.
At the start of each level, you can choose to play as either Ren or Stimpy. They’re pretty similar, but they have slightly different move sets - they each have a projectile attack, and with Ren’s are thrown, Stimpy’s are barfed up. They also each have a unique special move (Ren has a super high jump, Stimpy has a weird ground pound attack), though the majority of what you’ll do is the same regardless of character. Eventually you’ll end up in menacingly-named places like this:
Wonder what the Blacker Than Black Forest actually looks like? It’s gotta be just, like...*so* black, right? Well, behold:
Ugh, taking photos of a Game Gear game is the worst. I’m just gonna stop doing it.
All of the game’s levels look more or less like this, whether they’re in the "Blacker than Black Forest” or the “Stinking Wet Bayou, with” One might be whiter due to being ‘icy’ or the like, but this is really what they all look like. Crude trees, basic platforms, not a lot else. It does look pretty nice in motion, to its credit - considering the source material, it’s the right amount of cartoon-ish.
With the environments as plain as they are, it’s not surprising that the gameplay is pretty bland as well. There’s mostly just a bunch of platforming, along with a handful of enemies that can either easily be defeated or flat-out ignored. Save for the boss battles (which, as per early 90s tradition, can be needlessly cruel), there isn’t really a lot of challenge or excitement to this.
Thankfully, this is still a Ren & Stimpy game, so at least some of the blandness is covered up by goofy weirdness - your health appears to be measured in nipples, you can pick up bread for use as a weapon (it might be powdered toast, but I’m not certain), and picking up small TVs restore your health. As previously mentioned, Stimpy pukes up hairballs as a primary attack. The game over screen features an argument between the game’s two stars, who note that it’s just a game and you can just play it again. There are a lot of nice touches like that.
Ren & Stimpy had, for better or worse, a measurable impact on the weird idiot that I am today. While this has the same lack of depth that a lot of weird licensed platformers do, I still kind of enjoyed it for its commitment to the dumb, esoteric nature of the show. I’ve certainly spent a half hour on worse things. When all was said and done, though, I never did find the shaven yak. It still haunts me.
Next week’s game is our 70th - holy crap! We’re celebrating by visiting a very uncelebrated game in an otherwise celebrated series. Should be a good one. See you then!
