#nicolas bardo

[aenslem]

ANTONIO BANDERAS FEMME FATALE (2002)

[nymnwales]

PRNC 1-4 “String” 2/2

...Now I can earn only 1200 Znatsh per month. This is the remnant after subtracting social welfare, tax on own come, and up payments for unions that have lost their significance. Compared to the poorest countries in the South and eastern continent, my life is like heaven to them But in this financial condition, I can't buy a fucking single car even after passing 10 years. And recently, I have to go to the Church and eating in the old town, also donating things to improve the living condition of people dwelling there. Indeed, It's a really painful expense to me ...

“Then, is it okay if I have enough money RIGHT!!?” I was about to burst out my mouth without thinking, but I gave up and kept my anger down.

Instead, I decided to express my repulsion to my father with some wit.

"Do you mean that poor people LIKE ME have to hesitate everything in my life, and live modestly with embarrassment? Huh??"

“NO! you are just... I mean, you're worrying about your future right? If you stock 1000 Znatsh by a month, you will be able to handle  a solid estate in this 5 years!”

"... And it takes more than 10 years to buy cars, villas, etc. To catch up with the AVERAGE Northern people...hehe. Peak of physical, and mental liveliness is real short, and the intention to build a new life and the willingness will be gone at that time. This is what you guys calling "Rich life"...

"Hey, just listen carefully!"

“long live, Northern "Capitalistic" Republic!”

It's again ... I'm always like this. With such a tone, Albrecht won't ever understand my thoughts.

"... I know that you hate us like that way. But,  I have to tell you. Nicolas, shall you work at my workforce instead of there?

I know that. At his factory, the monthly salary will increase to 1600 Znatsh ... That's the highest line of hiring workers who can only do monotonous works in this country. But what's important, is not about money!

“I know it's better to work there instead. But, don't you find it strange on your son-in-law working at there as the lowest-rank laborer??"

“Well ... Then, what about entering the professional sector as an engineer?”

"That's the SAME THING! Don't talk about it anymore ...!"

I just don't want anything special ... I just want to eat, as much as I can live every day. Moving around the city freely. Buying a small house with my loving ones to live together ... Why do these simple things feel so much unmanageable!? Well... I just want to lie down at bed again...

-Nicolas said so, and he left the diner with an uncomfortable face. He took away a bowl of half-eaten cereal. At the table, there was a set of cutlery that I've prepared, thinking that he would eat Borsch instead of it...

Nicolas is more like his real parents - Nismann, and Loza - than me, as I thought...

“He's now the same as you... at that time,” I uttered the words, with small sighs out of my throat.

-What he wants is not a salary improvement... nor an honor as a Northern citizen. What he wants ...  is something, big change. But what can I do to him? What is the exact change which he wants?

"I don't know... what should I do, Nismann...?"

Do you understand what is he really longing for?  I know that only true parents of him can understand his feelings ...but, I know they are gone for long ago...either.

[nymnwales]

PRNC 1-4 “String” 1/2

I have never had a fun, and peace dream since I was born. The space where the sea, the mountains, and "something" are waiting ... I just hope to talk happily with everyone in that dream... Apparently, my brain and spiritual abilities are not created that way.

I feel nauseous. My body is sticky. My ankles hurt with numbness... Maybe it's because I've slept for more than 10 hours. I have to eat something real quick. I was going to reflect the conversation with Hal, and that mysterious dream, but my thoughts were filled with a late breakfast and taking a shower as fast.

There is a little kitchen and diner just after passing through the living room. When I put my hand on the refrigerator to take out the cereal and milk, I noticed that Albrecht -my father-in-law- is sitting on the backward chair of the table.

He seemed to be reading some paperwork and pieces of stuff. Perhaps that's some company resumes of the previous month, which he's running - and at the same time, he's also the head of the technology department of the corp.  Besides the documents, are a cash register and today's newspaper(Severyanskoe Bremyer, a slight-right newspaper called “The current Northerns”).

"Good morning, Nicolas.  Have you eaten breakfast already?"

He seems to notice me. I answered with an unmotivated voice as I took out the bowl from the cupboard.

"Not yet..."

“Oh ... well,  I and Anna made a Borsch at noon. Would you eat it?”

Borsch is my favorite food, but I didn't feel like eating it now. Pleasure of eating would be halved with that mood. I looked at the aluminum pot on the cooker, it smelled like a delicious tomato soup certainly. If I were got up earlier and eat with everyone...

“It ’s okay, I'm preparing by myself.”

Let's eat this now. "About 50g of corn and about 200g of milk are appropriate!!" Written on the box. The corn and milk in the bowl smelled sweet vanilla.

“Eating it again? You should eat more nutritious things.”

"It's okay ... I don't have much appetite now."

After eating half of them, eventually I lost my appetite. I'm bored of this taste for now... The taste is too much sweet and childish with the chocolate and strawberry flavors. Albrecht started to talk to me when he noticed me stopped my hands.

“Hey, did you take a bath yesterday? Your outfit is the same as you went to work.”

“No ... I was tired so went to sleep so soon.”

"...I know you were tired, but it's one of the important customs of the Northern people like us...well, "you" I mean.

"Yea, I agree..."

I was relieved since it was not so serious topic, but I felt a little annoyed. Albrecht, Anna has just been meddling like this. Probably because Alfred was such that rude yesterday, but I want to be just alone now...

“Wel, I went to the bank and booked your bank record at noon. I thought a little about it...”

Sigh. Did you see my bank record? It's no good...

"...Your spending has increased recently. Your total expense for food, and the others were about 200 Znatsh by a month. And it was up to 400 Znatsh in this month. What are you spending this expense for...?"

[nymnwales]

PRNC 1-3 “Tube” 2/2

It was a dream I had many times, but this time it was a little different. I didn't feel uncomfortable with my clothes getting wet. Rather, I felt like dirty things were wiped away from my whole body. And, I didn't felt of guilt so much about that incident. And ... I could see light from the end of the tube. As I slid down, the light has become so comfortable to see, and it changed to a dazzling glow like the sun ultimately. As the light grows, the speed of which I'm sliding down had changed to an exhilarating one - as if I am experiencing a vertical drop -

When It reached the limit of light and speed, I was in the deep sea out of there. From the top, star lights have seen and they were shining through the ultramarine sea. Toward that, I emerge like a fish and I saw a scenery I had never seen before -

White sea, and black mountains. And strange sky with lime-green color. And ... there's also "Something" colored in green. What is that ...?

It was an object like a giant creature ... and it's covering the entire sky. “It” resembled the structure of a steel tower recently built in the southern city - Sarnath. However, the details were filled with a three-dimensional object that resembled a biological structure... beyond my understanding to the less. I thought for a moment: it's similar to the structure of nerve cells too, but its overall shape was so smooth, and orderd in too much clean way..

And from the back of that  "Something", there were a lot of cyan stars brighter than the brightest star of the North... Such a strange sight, but I regard them all as "harmonized" somehow.

Enjoying such a strange scenery for a little hour ... and then, another person appeared around there. Is she Hal, or Anna...? A shadow looked like a slender woman for a moment, was not "she" - He's Alfred. However, his outline is not clear and the facial expression is in shadow too -

After a while, the shadow of Alfred came up to me. And...he said something.

I don't know ... What do you think ... What should I do ... How do I live from now...? Alfred asked me with such words. Oddly enough, but I fully understood his sayings and I even offered nifty advice to him. While smoking cigarettes, I sympathized him with telling these: "I think it's good", "It's odd though", and I repeated them several times-

Thinking carefully now, and I realized that there are various contradictions in this dream. What was that “Long-red water slide” after all? Why is that sea, mountain, and "Something " were there and connected with that slide? Where did I get cigarettes and the igniter from? Did Alfred come down here with that waterslide by taking years? Or maybe there was something like a custom-made “road” or “elevator” for him? I don't have time to think about it, but after all the dream seems to be odd like that.

When I finished my advice to him, he cried with a drop of tear with saying “Thank you” to me. I thought "I'm relieved"

What's “ relieved”...? In the end, I don't know anything about him. After the shadow went away with satisfied, I began feeling resentment toward myself. Yeah, I don't understand NOTHING after all... About this strange world, Alfred tried to tell me something, my sweet Hal, and her orthodox believes ...

Eventually, I began to realize that the strange dream is about to end. The scenery are faded, and disappeared in a very short period - And ...I was put back to the small, white bed of my room. Time is already past 1:00pm of the day. Light of the sun was so bright, that I felt disgusted by that...

[nymnwales]

PRNC 1-3 "Tube" 1/2

I was sliding down without any way to stop. There's no way to do so. I can't go against the way...I remembered that one day I had a dream like this. It ’s a dream of sliding down a long, red water slide.It seems that there is no limit of the length of this slide. I'm sliding down relly fast, while being wet with flowing water. Even if I knew that this is a dream, hence it continued for hours till I woke up. It's a dream I've seen over, and over.... I suppose that this dream came from one of the incidents I've experienced when I was young. When I was 10 years old, I often went to a public pool on the suburban of Notreburg with Alfred and Anna. The newly opened waterslide was real popular, and every child wanted to go there. I really liked the water slider and forgot to swim in the biggest pool and enjoyed it a lot. Unfortunately, the pool was closed at the end of August, but next year I enjoyed the waterslide, again and again, as well. But ... the following year, an incident has occurred at the waterslide. The pipe was damaged due to the poor inspection, and one of the children fell and eventually died. It was just the next day that I played in the waterslide, dozens of times on the first Saturday of July... The TV programs had aired the incident many times on that monochrome videos. Also, I remember that in that summer we couldn't swim in pools or beaches at all. “Can we play a waterslide somewhere again?” I've asked Anna several times then, but I was always replied:"I'll talk about it next time". It was around the end of July that I realized that "next time" will never come after all ... That's not the only thing I noticed at that time. Also I thought that “It has to be me”. I played with that slider dozens of times. But I was so lucky - I wasn't dead-. But unfortunately, she - a cute girl with blond, and curly hair who died at that slide - ... was "chosen". Isn't there a sin on myself who was playing at that place? Weren't the pipe damaged if I hadn't played with that slide many times? Who has to die, instead of her was...ME? - Due to the above, I started dreaming it around the end of July. At first, I was so scared and I cried to Alfred and Anna every time I dreamt about it.

[nymnwales]

Flat references of my furs😺😺😺

[nymnwales]

Ma boi😾

[nymnwales]

I scribbled some face practices with these characters for a while.