On Nicole Arbour
If you don’t know who this is, she was a semi-popular youtuber who recently became very well known, due to a very controversial video she made. “Dear Fat People” was pure clickbait, a harmful, distasteful and painfully unfunny video shaming overweight people for being unhealthy. Nonetheless, the video gained millions of views. This was a few months ago. Just in the passed few weeks, she has been faced with allegations from an ex-boyfriend that he was emotionally and physically abused from her, called “My Abuse Story”. He did not use her name, but it became obvious who he was talking about. She made a rebuttal video, called “Abuse Story - My Side of Things”. She made this video to defend herself, saying the claims made against her were untrue. She has since received a massive amount of crap from the internet.
I find it to be very disconcerting that people are attacking Nicole Arbour. In Mathew Santoro (her ex)’s video, he was definitely telling a story. I am not trying to say he was lying, because there is no evidence to support either side at this point. But, he was very emotional, crying, and telling his side of the story. In Arbour's response video, she was defending herself. But people say she was “just trying to clear her name” and that she’s “an abuser”. But the simple truth of the matter is, that you are innocent until you are proven guilty. The fact that Santoro decided to MAKE A YOUTUBE VIDEO instead of going to the police, shows that, in some way, he was trying to bank of her recent success, which has obviously worked, seeing the support he has gotten. If what he’s saying is true they are serious claims that should be taken to court, if he wants her to be held accountable for them. In Arbour's video she also discusses the nature of their relationship, which was that she continuously said that she didn’t want her private life on the internet, and he continuously overstepped this boundary.
Unfortunately, we see these types of things happening often on the internet. People call these kinds of things the “speed of outrage” - a term my brother taught me. This means, basically, that if a large amount of people dislikes a person or a thing, it becomes the norm to dislike that thing. Almost like it can become “cool” to hate someone. And the fact that this can happen with very serious things, like abuse, is unsettling. This is the kind of thing that should happen in reality television, not on YouTube. If you are in an abusive relationship, or have been in the past, that is a very serious thing, and you should seek help, and possible legal action. But using it as an opportunity to make a popular YouTube video? This is much less heroic.
Another point to be made, is that Mathew Santoro has a much larger following that Nicole Arbour. So, in this situation, he does have more power. He has more people hearing his case, more people defending him. There are 12 people on a jury.
And to conclude, I know some may be thinking that I am just writing this to support the woman, because I am a feminist, remember this: if this situation was reversed, I’m sure I would still feel uneasy about this. Also, know that feminism is also for men, for male victims of domestic abuse.
Here are both videos, I invite you to draw your own conclusions.
Mathew Santoro: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ27W2K12fk
Nicole Arbour: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX19DiD_a9E
