#nightly vent

[tmascmutt]

i feel like my bf hates me

[lusciouscat]

1:23AM thoughts

it’s crazy how when you meet someone for the first time, you’re usually nervous I guess? For me, I was so calm. I was so friendly and gave him a hug. Went stargazing and i don’t know. I completely forgot all of my problems. He made me laugh so so so so much and we talked about random things. We had such a good connection. He dropped so many hints that he wanted to kiss me like, ” you know Palm trees are basically Christmas trees and the branches are mistletoes, oh look. There’s a mistletoe” or I’d be sitting on his lap and he put his face next to mine. It was honestly the cutest thing ever. I was cold so he went to his car and brought me his long sleeve that smelled incredible. I came home smelling like him. I guess this was our first date? He asked if there will be a next time which was pretty awesome. The only thing that sucks is that he lives in a different city (30 minutes away). I feel awful for the amount of gas he has to use, but meeting new people is fun.

Oh btw when I was dating that guy who dropped me because I told him how I felt about this situation, like on the day I first met him. I was so fucking nervous and shaky. Buddhists say that if your heart beats really fast and you’re nervous, he’s not the one. Does that mean anything? Could it be true? Maybe that's why things ended badly between us. Who knows.