Songs that served as inspirations for this piece [ x ] and [ x ]
Take time to realize, that your warmth is crashing down on it.
Take time to realize that I am on your side.
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Sharon was more than comfortable, her back was against Break's chest, and his cheek was resting on the top of her head. There was no noise in the room aside from their steady breaths and the occasional rustling of fabric as one of them would shift in their seat. Though it technically wasn't seats they were sitting in; to be more specific, it was Break's bed.
The rest of the Pandora mansion was silent, as it had been for a couple hours now. The only noise that had actually occurred as of late was when Sharon quickly crept into Break's bedroom a few moments after sending Equus with a message saying she would be along. There were more members staying than usual, and a couple in particular was leaving the youngest Rainsworth with a feeling of unease. So after a mere half hour of attempting to sleep by herself, she decided that she'd go to Break for a little bit to ease her nerves, and then she would return to her own bedroom for the rest of the night. Break had been quick to pull her into his bedroom just so no one would see her entering, not even for their normal reason of discretion at the Rainsworth mansion, but for Sharon's own safety. With Vincent Nightray in the building, Break was wary to trust anyone in the mansion when it came to his charge's safety. Not after what he'd done to Sharon in the past.
So here they were, Break's arms securely around Sharon's waist, her hands were holding onto his arms. As both of them dozed off towards unconsciousness instead of staying in a more waking state, Sharon's head lolled off to the side and her cheek was against his chest.
She lives in a daydream, where I don't belong.
More often than not Break was trying to convince himself that it was all an incredibly realistic dream that he couldn't wake himself from. Even if this 'dream' was spanning not hours, or even days, but weeks, the part of him that harbored a motivation to resist believing reality was remaining strong. It would take some time for Break to fully accept that Sharon wanted him, despite her regular reassurance that she did. But knowing who he was, how he was, and who she was, he didn't think he deserved her. Break was forever thinking she would be better suited with someone younger, or just healthy.
But I can't spell it out for you, no it's never gonna be that simple,
No I can't spell it out for you.
She didn't have to right now, as he was unable to refuse the request of his lady, but normally she would have to rebuff his occasional vocalizations of such a belief. Sharon knew Break was stubborn at times, but even if she reminded him that this was what she wanted, he still had to have it spelled out for him. Moments like this were what made her happy, gave her something extra to be happy about.
'Cause if right is leaving, I'd rather be wrong.
And if loving her is, is a heartache for me.
Break knew that deep down he believed Sharon's words, but listening to his own more than hers gave him that illusion of still being in perfect control of himself. He'd kept himself in the mindset of being used to being alone and accepting it for so long, old habits die hard no matter how comfortable he too was with the entire situation. Even something simple like this, having a half-asleep Sharon against him being half-asleep himself, it helped quench some of the loneliness that did eat at him from time to time, he was still only human after all. Accepting of his eventual fate or not, solitude could only be tolerated for so long, especially when in the consistent company of people that cared so deeply for him.
Hopefully, eventually, her words would get through to him, and he'd be able to embrace Sharon without hesitation and not let self-doubting thoughts creep into his mind. To be able to have the conviction to hold onto her and not let go, even if still keeping his fate in mind and knowing that he'd lose her, and this all, at some point in the future was another part of this reality.
If you just realize what I just realized,
That we'd be perfect for each other and we'll never find another.
And remind him she would, if Sharon was ever to get through to thick-headed Break, consistency would have to be her ally. They'd already moved as far as they had, stepping past the line between master and servant, even if they'd been best friends for almost as long as Sharon's memory went back; there'd still been that customary line of propriety in place.
The friendship that had stood for fifteen years now paved the way for something more once they'd allowed the thoughts to present themselves, and then allowed the thoughts to be converted into actions. It was a strange adaptation in the very beginning, but it was almost as if little had changed save for a few crucial things. The simple fact that they fell in step with the advancement to the relationship told them (or Sharon at least) that it was meant to be this way.
And if holding her means I have to bleed.
Then I am the martyr, love is to blame.
She is the healing, and I am the pain.
As Sharon shifted again in her sleep and leaned her weight more to one side, it roused Break enough from his own slumber for his eye to open and remember where they were and what they were doing. Looking down (though not actually seeing), Break could at the very least mentally visualize how Sharon looked while she was sleeping; he'd seen it enough times during the times when his vision wasn't deteriorated to have committed it to memory.
A ghost of a smile crossed Break's lips and leaned down enough to murmur in Sharon's ear, it would be uncomfortable for them both if they were to fall asleep for the night leaning against the headboard. Though she seemed barely coherent when she awoke to have Break's lips mere inches from her ear, she understood him enough to hear what he said and listen to his suggestion. Simultaneously Break and Sharon shuffled until he was laying down properly on his back and her head was making use of his chest as a pillow. Given the circumstances of where they were spending the night, most wouldn't question why Sharon had spent the night with her servant, and anyone who knew Break would know that he'd go to any measure to keep his lady safe, so keeping a watch over her during the night was nothing too out of the ordinary.
But that was just the assumption people would make as to why Sharon had slept where she did. Underneath that illusion was the fact that semi-lovers were sharing a bed, taking pleasure in how comfortable they were; Sharon taking comfort in the security she had falling asleep again in Break's arms, and him taking comfort in both knowing she was safe and knowing for once he wouldn't be falling asleep alone. Deep down, he enjoyed the latter more than he knew; truly making the solitude martyr into someone of accepting intimacy without a second thought.
Just realize what I just realized,
We'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now.
Though her eyes never opened when she was woken hearing Break suggest they move to a more comfortable position, it seemed that she wouldn't be going back to her own bedroom tonight. She was far too tired and far too comfortable where she was to have the desire to move, even if the choice to have Equus take her back the mere thirty feet was still there. Even if she'd thought about using that option, she'd much rather stay exactly where she was, feeling her breathing matching Break's, and having her arm just barely curling around his waist while his own did the same to her. And as her mind drifted off again in a haze of contentment and memories of random quotes past, arguing mundane reasons that this shouldn't be happening, counterarguments, one thought that she'd yet to say to Break crossed her mind.
Just how happy I am, in this moment right now. And it doesn’t matter if I have ten thousand more moments like this, or even just this one because…..it’s all the same. Just that, this now, this moment, I have this.
