How I Learned Nothing Matters
I used to believe
in the weight of things
that words carried truth
that actions had meaning
and that love and pain
were more than just passing shadows
I believed in the shape of the world
that it bent towards justice
that life had a thread I could follow
I carried purpose like a stone in my pocket
and it made me walk straighter
even when the nights was so goddamn long
But the stone grew lighter
then vanished
the streets I walked on
were just streets
The stars I stared at
were nothing more than distant fires
with on one to notice
the stories I told myself
were echoes bouncing off walls
that was already crumbling
I looked for truth in religion
in art, in people
and everywhere I looked
the same pattern repeated
empty hands, empty eyes
empty answers
and slowly
the question of why
turns inward
and finally there was only the silence
behind the question
I stopped pretending there was a reason
the fear of meaningless
that once haunted me
was replaced by a strange relief
if nothing matters, ok
then nothing can break me
if all is passing
then there is nothing to lose
I see the sun rise and fall
without hope or dread
I hear laughter and tears
without expectation
time drifts by
and I drift with it
not toward a goal
not away from one
simply floating
I do not mourn the loss of purpose
I do not rage against the void
I stand in it
I breathe in the nothingness
and let it fill my lungs
it is vast
it is indifferent
it is all there is
And yet, in the emptiness
I am awake
I am free from illusions
free from the burden of meaning
free from the lies that once held me
nothing commands me
nothing forgives me
nothing punishes me
I am the witness
and that is enough
