#no peyton

[maryjane-saves]

i wanna be super punk and tough and not care about anything and be “hot” how do i do that 

[maryjane-saves]

at least my blog is on fleek

[maryjane-saves]

save me from my lifespan class there are literally a total of five people here and this teacher doesn’t even teach. she just rants about how smart she thinks she is and i’ve literally been surfing the world wide web the entire time 

[maryjane-saves]

hi i brainstormed some story ideas and theyre all gay ofc and im so excited

[maryjane-saves]

well i went to walmart and they didnt have any journals with locks on them but i found a small blue locking box (with a silver motorcycle on it) and a cute journal to fit inside and i even got cute pens c: the box is locked up and the keys are on my keyring and i am sosososo happy

[maryjane-saves]

feels so good to be making new friends, im trying to choose good people with good intentions and i think i found them.<3

[maryjane-saves]

idk even getting the tiniest confessions off my chest makes me feel infinitely better. admitting to myself when im sad and when im not okay makes it so much easier to get through. acknowledging the bad and admitting that it is here and real sucks but the getting it off my chest and dealing with the situation is so much better than pretending misery is adequate. i hate pretending that feeling dead and empty is somehow better than facing the music and realizing how shitty everything is. i hate tricking myself into being content with not fucking feeling. even sadness is better than emptiness. being sad cant last forever, and ill be happy again. ill be sad again too but thats okay. im fine with sad and im fine with happy and i have to be strong enough to face each emotion as it comes instead of locking myself in my basement and pretending it isnt storming when i can hear the wind and rain and ice pounding against the cellar door demanding to be felt.

[maryjane-saves]

it feels so weird being restricted from keeping a journal, sometimes i feel so stuck inside of myself and i have no means of escape and no modes of self expression, so i internalize all these horrible feelings and completely ignore each and every one of my stupid problems and i call living in denial “letting the past go.” but in order to let something go, it has to first be acknowledged and held on to.