(For Issues Magazine)
We quickly forget about that world that we construct for ourselves in our mid-teens, we easily neglect the fact that at this time in our lives we start growing into our identities. We don't recall how hard it was to be heard, to be accounted for, to be taken seriously. While society expects teenagers to make decisions that will impact the rest of their lives (choosing a university, a career path…), it also perceives them as some sort of weird breed of human which operates differently to "grown-ups". The struggle is real, so to say, and it's realest when you haven't hit that growth spurt you might not actually ever hit, or when that baby fat lingers on your cheeks for what seems to be all eternity; when you just look younger than you possibly are. People judge a book by its cover and while youth has always been an obsession in popular culture, on a personal level it is often associated with cluelessness and immaturity. Being a teenager today bears a lot of pressure and kids try to make up for it by reaching for the adult standard of what a fully fledged individual is, expecting of each other what adults expect of them. This is where the anxieties kick in, where the baby faces become the subject of self-loathing, where the awkwardness ensues.
To remind ourselves and you, the reader, of where the complicated relationship that a lot of us have with our bodies stems from, we talked to a regular 16-year-old. Her name is Vera, she goes to an American international school. Vera also looks very young, younger than most of her peers and no one let’s her forget that. We talked about her insecurities, parties and Facebook. Here's how the conversation went:
What is your biggest insecurity?
My glasses. I feel like they, and the fact that I'm often found reading a book on the bus to school, make me look like a nerd. In year 7 I was really good at school as well, which at some point I began to see as really uncool, so I purposely got a bunch of D's by not putting any effort into anything I did. It haunts me to this day. Being short and having a baby-face is another thing I hate. When my friends and I meet up with some kids from other schools, everyone always thinks I'm from the grade below or something. It's really embarrassing.
Do you ever try to look older?
Yes, when I go out with my friends, I do… When I wanna look older, I take my glasses off.
Do you still get carded?
Yeah I do. Like, I don't know why I still do it. I guess it makes me feel older. Once, when I was trying to get into a club, my friend Clara made me take my glasses off, put shiploads of makeup on my eyes. I wore platform sneakers. Still got carded.
What does 'going out' entail for you?
Uh, just an opportunity to hang out with my friends. It's often fun, sometimes awkward. When we first went out we got like one Mojito for 7 people.
Do you ever go to house parties?
Well, people don't really do that, because everyone's parents are always home. But there is this annual end-of-year party. It's called "the Quarry" and it always happens in the forrest, in the middle of nowhere, which is quite sketchy. The police come every year. The entire high school, apart from the freshmen, is there, everyone hangs out and there's a group of stoners in the back. It's quite fun… Last time when the police came and were like "you need to leave", shining flashlights, I walked directly through a bush. And I only had one beer! The tequila flavoured ones, you know?
Do you usually drink much when you're out?
Not really. Sometimes when I've had a couple of drinks and want to go and get myself another, my friends stop me. None of us really have more than three drinks when we're out — we're super lame with that, but I guess that's good.
Any other bad habits?
I don't smoke and none of my friends do either. But the popular kids do. They smoke cigarettes, because that's a 'cool' thing to do and they think it makes them seem so much older when they do it. I just think that it makes them not as mature as they think. But then when I hang out with some of my friends' other friends they're like "Oh, so you don't smoke? So you don't do anything? So you're like 12?" and it makes me feel really lame, when I'm not actually.
What is maturity?
I think it's being aware of how old you are, knowing where you stand and understanding that everything will come in it's own time.
What about boys?
I hate the guys in my grade… Though I do have a guy-friend at school — we're not that close, but I've met his soccer friends and they're all a lot more mature than the guys at my school. They probably all think I'm really young. It was actually quite embarrassing; When I met my friend's team, I started liking one they boys. I then found out that he's in the year below me and that completely turned me off. I mean, I'm 16 and he's 15, that'd be like super weird!
Would you not hang out with someone younger than yourself?
I don't know. I mean, just like people probably judge me, I judge the freshmen at my school. It's just the way they go about things like going out — they do it in such a showy manner, letting everyone know that they are going out. Like, I'm only talking about going out, because you're asking me.
Back to boys! What makes a guy mature to you?
Hm, maturity in boys? Not making jokes about retards. Or stupid racist jokes that I don't find funny.
How do you let someone know you noticed them? Did that one guy you met add you on Facebook?
No one uses Facebook anymore. He added me on Instagram.