Sorry to be a pain to everyone...
But... does anyone have any advice for coping with dysphoria?
I've always had it and most likely always will, but the levels are almost unbearable lately and I just... don't know what to do, seriously any advice or coping strategies would be appreciated, even just suggestions for things to try or think or do, because this is bloody torture...
Also, while I'm already ranting - yay for my mother for shaming me for my physical appearance all the fcking time. I swear, I've come home for the first time in two weeks and I decide to wait and see how long it takes for her to start the comments - less than twenty fvcking minutes, it turns out. Twenty minutes in after two weeks away and she already starts dropping the comments.
Alright, I get it, I'm not good enough for you and never will be - and I'm fvcking SORRY for that, for not being the child you deserve and being as ugly and useless outside as I am inside. But I'd appreciate if you didn't constantly bombard me with this - or y'know what, maybe I'll just STOP coming home altogether.
Wouldn't even be that hard for me, since honestly when I'm away, I don't entirely WANT to come back anymore, and when I'm here I just feel like an uninvited guest, like a piece of shit who has long overstayed my welcome.
I hate coming home now more than ever, honestly it's far more stressful just being here than it is doing my medical degree and running around the entire hospital for stuff to do - never thought I'd find myself saying that, but... there it is. I'm sick of this tension, I'm sick of feeling like a burden and a nuisance... tbh I'm sick of myself but there's no solution to that (none that I can take without making more of a mess of things) so I don't know what to do...
Sorry again for ranting, nobody is going to read this anyway probably, and I don't mind if that's the case, this just... needed out.