@nobisauxilium said : ❝ you don’t need to worry about me. ❞
nicolo is the one that paul might identify the most with . they relate on so many levels with the way their minds tend to come to the same outlooks and mindsets . they have their faiths as well as the incessant need for peace . neither one looking for a fight but not shying away from one if it ever endangers their loved ones . chris is paul’s opposite , that man was forged in war , but they’ve found a love that paul couldn’t ever possibly part with . much the same could be said for nicky and joe .
this mission was particularly hard on all of them . this pair of men most of all because their hearts are too big to handle all the pain that comes along with it . the body county is what keeps paul awake at night . he’s never been okay with the violence associated with what they do but this . . . this is a destiny he cannot deny and where chris goes . paul is not far behind . the weeks after a mission are the hardest , and he’ll probably split soon . no doubt to find somewhere to hide to find himself once more , deal with the guilt of what he’s done without burdening everyone else .
❝ of course , i do . its what we do . we both worry enough for everyone don’t we ?? ❞ paul says after settling down beside nicky and handing him a bottle of water . ❝ its okay to feel the shame of what we do . we do what we think is right , nicky , but just because we think its right doesn’t necessarily mean it is , but necessary evils and all that . ❞ paul takes a sip from his bottle before sighing . ❝ it’s okay to not feel okay . ❞
