#noia01

[loreweaver-universe]

You wanna know a secret?

Every artist I’ve gotten to know, terrible or amazing, thinks their work is subpar to some degree or another.

They all judge it by what goes on in their heads, you see--by their vision for what it could have been, for all the little imperfections that built up along the way.  They’re never satisfied.  Whenever they finish a piece it’s less a matter of being done than it is of being done chasing perfection.

It’s that Two Cakes comic every time.  They’re annoyed by what they think is wrong with the piece, while the people watching are just excited to see it.  Chin up, folks; people love your work.

[loreweaver-universe]

Oh, god.  The emotion here is tangible.  You should have seen the D: look on my face.  That hurts.

It’s the little things, sometimes.  You can weather the big hardships, take the huge injustices that come your way, but while you can take all that weight, it’s sometimes impossible to handle anything else at the same time.  So...when something small happens, like a spilled cup of hot chocolate, or tripping and spilling your bag in the parking lot, or all the cheese sliding off your pizza into the oven, you just...fall apart.  It hurts way worse than the big stuff.

[loreweaver-universe]

And that’s where I was told to split the episode!

I’m kinda surprised.  Everyone in chat was all concerned for my emotional well-being in this episode, but it wasn’t actually grim?  Just...emotional.  I had to take a break from Madoka just because it was concentrated essence of bum-out, but this?  I like this.  I’m actually finding it more gripping than Baccano, if only because Baccano spent the entire liveblogging session on setup and we didn’t really get to meet anybody but that one douche and his adorable...daughter?  Assistant?  Minion?  Whatever.

Any question of me asking this patron to pick something else is out the window.  I like this, and I want to see what happens next.

Oh, and I might as well officially announce:  I am shelving Madoka Magica for the time being.  For various reasons it was enacting a heavy emotional toll on me.  I will be coming back to it eventually, but as a sporadic thing; I’m sorry, but I just can’t handle it right now.  This coming month, my patrons will get to vote on a replacement twenty-minute show; I’ll announce when that discussion is up for a vote once I’m ready.

Anyways, I’ll see you guys tomorrow for the normal shows on my plate!

[loreweaver-universe]

The psychiatrist I went to see to get my mood stabilizers (and my ADHD meds, when I can afford them) for a couple years had the walls of her office covered in her childrens’ drawings.  It was adorable.  The new one just has a ton of drawings of elephants, but I think we all know my stance on favorite animals.

[loreweaver-universe]

her face is two dots and a blank slate but I can still picture her perpetually bewildered expression

[loreweaver-universe]

A couple weeks ago, I was feeling really down, and I went to the store to pick up a cheap Digiorno pepperoni pizza to treat myself with.  I head down to my landlady’s kitchen at, like, 11 PM and put it in--at this point I haven’t had anything tastier than ramen in, like, a week--and head back upstairs to waste time on Pokefarm or something, I don’t remember.  First I almost forget to set my alarm, then, when I head down and pull the pizza out of the oven, my hand brushes the oven door, making me jerk back involuntarily...tilting the pizza plate and causing all of the cheese to slide off into the oven.

That feeling when you accidentally spill something you’ve worked hard to make or were simply looking forward to is awful.  In a weird, specific way, there’s almost nothing like it.  It makes you want to lie down and pretend the day never happened.

[loreweaver-universe]

I've never broken a bone, but I inherited my mother's weak ankles and have had some incredible luck with them.

By which I mean the exact opposite of luck, naturally.

About ten years ago, I'm walking home from my buddy's house across town and I decide to take a shortcut across the train tracks.  I step down on a railroad tie the wrong way, and hear a nasty CRACK echo out across the neighborhood as I collapse.  Boom, sprained ankle.  I limp home and stay off of it for a few days until it stops hurting to walk, and then I go about my normal business again.

About three days after I hurt my ankle, I'm walking down the street from my buddy's house--this time having gone to the grocery store for bread and stuff.  I decide to take the dirt path towards the train tracks, this time making a mental note to walk very carefully over them.

I literally take one step onto the grass, not lifting my foot high enough, and...CRACK.

Same damn ankle.  Same damn noise.  It's worse this time, though--I'm pretty sure I fractured it that time, and this time I wasn't able to walk it off in three days.  I wasn't able to walk without limping for about eight months.

On the other hand, I can comfortably roll my feet 90 degrees inwards, which is fun to freak people out with.  So there's that.

[loreweaver-universe]

okay fine I’ll turn subtitles on for five seconds