Holidays are hell war is over blue Christmas
I liked Christmas well enough as a kid I looked forward to getting new dolls, and always hoped to get all the books I’d asked for and art supplies. What can I say I was easy to buy for hell I still am just give me art stuff yarn fabric sewing notions ink for my fountain pens and yes at 45 I still love dolls, but I digress.
When I was 18 I was working in a fairly well known retail chain and I liked pretty clothes and took advantage of my discount I got well so did mom. So she offered to buy me clothes for Christmas I took her up on it and I told her we need to go to a different store because some of the things I’d like to get are under a promotional deal I will have to wear them to work if my mangers see you buy them I’ll have to wear them before Christmas. But my highway or my way or get the hell outof my way mom wasn’t having it.
So after my manger taking her aside and telling her yes your daughter told her correctly she will have to wear them to work showed her the memo from corporate
Rather than letting me buy them myself nope bought them anyway then in retailition because of the week long fight went and got my brother to get a huge rock spray paint it gold and give it me thusly ruining Christmas for me for ever.
All because she couldn’t have her way. So this meme going around as a joke saying to wrap empty boxes and toss them in the fire when you kid misbehaves just chaps my ass. Shit like that isn’t funny not in the least my mother used to tell me she was going to to take me to a orphanage and leave me. Shit you don’t tell a kid ever I don’t care how bad a day your having that is the kind of shit that scars you for life.
My mom has been gone for 4 years now and the thing I miss about her is sadly not much. I wish we would have had a better relationship I wish that she wouldn’t have done shit to me that to this day makes me seriously distrust people, and that I am paranoid as fuck. My poor husband pays for that shit because she’s take advantage of me not being able to hear behind me and creep into a room and just spy on me then do something to make me jump out of my skin. Or acting like the damn thought police and I had no privacy but if a boy looked at me I was a whore or a slut and if you get knocked up I am not raising your baby.
But in the same turn wouldn’t let me get medical care for female problems and cost me my fertility then blamed me because I couldn’t have children.
So yeah for me I am one of thousands of people this is not a happy time of year I do everything in my power not to decorate what’s the point for me it’s a joyless season I see nothing but greed and lots of potential mental scars.
Just lots of occasions to slap on my Pollyanna smile and lie through my teeth when I say merry Christmas 🎄 when I really wanna say bah humbug