Longwindedness, Passive Voice and Nominalisations
In this wonderfully bizarre and incredibly quick-witted sketch from A Bit of Fry and Laurie, Stephen Fry unintentionally embodies the enemy of every editor.
This is exactly the voice I hear in my head whenever I encounter some kind of impenetrable government document laden with longwinded sentences, passive voice and nominalisations.
Writers often use nouns as verbs to sound more professional. Usually, it makes sentences less clear and direct. It can end up taking the action out of the exciting verb, and hiding deep inside a noun. For example, cut versus encutment.
Although nominalisations and passive voice are not always bad, long windedness should definitely be avoided lest you sound like the barber in this sketch.
Here are some particularly hilarious quotes:
May I enquire as to whether sir was in receipt of an enjoyableness, or did events prove themselves to be of an otherwise nature?
Which of the manifold hair on sir’s crisp and twinkling headage would sir like to place in my professional care for the purposes of securing an encutment?
Sir would prefer it that in the sphere of haircutation I was, to him, a total virgin?
Sir is leaving? May he favour me with an explanation as to the whyness?
If sir would care to resume the seatedness of his posture?
