Wedding
Day 4 of OC Kiss Week
Mar C Thegoblin of Stromkuhldur: Goblin Scribe Wizard Lieutenant (rank) Cpn ("Captain" (first name)) Greg (last name) belonging to @courtjester69420 Xie Wu belonging to @guidingarc
Most adventurers were only too eager to move on from Stromkuhldur and follow their suicidal pride further into the dungeon, but every so often, a party had reason (and resources) to linger. The ones with grand plans - the who thought that they would kill the Xanathar for good, get ahead of this enemy, steal that fortune - were the typical idiots. They paced and pondered through Strokuhldur's halls for days, apparently unaware that the longer they waited, the more attention they gathered from the other occupants of Undermountain. Others were only looking for a haven while they studied or recovered from some curse or affliction. These usually kept to themselves, having seen enough of the Mad Mage's dungeon to be wary of separating too far from each other, even among presumed allies. And sometimes, rarely, a party came into Undermountain for the purpose of research. Lieutenant Cpn Greg could appreciate on an abstract level that they at least had a concrete goal in exploring the dungeon, and that research parties were often the most prepared with goods to trade and money to bribe with, but in the end, it and most of Stromkuhldur had little use or patience for their surface academia.
Cpn was overseeing the entrance of the most recent party - claiming to be patroned by Light-Keep or Candlereach or some such - into Stromkuhldur. Their leader, a wide-faced human wizard named Lartha, was dictating their goals and timeline to a goblin, readily answering Cpn's questions. Besides themself, their party consisted of another wizard, a druid, and four martials of various specialties. They had been brought for the researchers' safety coming into and out of the dungeon, but Cpn was assured that they could be counted on, within reason, to assist Stromkuhldur's defenses should the need arise. One of them at the fringes of the group towered even above Cpn. He appeared human, except for his nearly grotesque size, and a bit simple, as muscle-for-hire often did. Black hair pulled viciously tight back. Strong eyebrows. He shifted restlessly between his feet while he waited to be dismissed.
That could be annoying.
He hadn't even been waiting an hour, so Cpn loathed to see how he would fair after days of monotony within the stronghold. She made a mental note to find some menial jobs to keep him occupied if his handler didn't. When it was finished questioning Lartha, Cpn moved on to listed expectations while in Stromkuhldur, pitching her voice up to catch the attention of the rest of the party. Where they could and could not go, what was expected of them daily, what was expected of them in the case of an attack, warnings about their current standing with Skullport…
Suddenly, the human's attention swiveled to the side, and an enormous smile overtook his face. Cpn had pretty sharp attention, but it was tuned to anomalies - the bare whine of a bow string and sudden unexplainable silences. The patter of goblin feet barely registered unless it was accompanied by shouting, but it wasn't a sound of alarm that came careening around a corner.
"Xie Wu!" An algae-green blur appeared. "Do you remember me?"
"'Remember you?'" he echoed incredulously and swept them up into a great, wet kiss. Almost before they broke apart, the corridor was filled with grating, overlapping voices.
"Did you get my letter?"
"I did! Did you get my letter?"
"I didn't!"
"Drat! The adventurer I gave it to must have died!"
"Mar C." Cpn didn't bother to raise its voice, but the goblin's attention snapped back to their lieutenant. The human called Xie Wu obligingly set them down. "Explain."
Long, knife-like ears perked excitedly from limp, blond hair. This goblin belonged to Cpn's command at Stromkuhldur's entry point.
As atrociously as Mar C flirted with anyone with muscle mass, the way they cornered wizards and bards into hours of conversation truly bordered on harassment, so Cpn could have expected that Mar C would be underfoot; there was something almost desperate about the way they tried to wring words and stories into their scrap-bound notebooks. Their apparent relationship with this newcomer was more troublesome.
"This is Xie Wu, a human originally from a country far east of Faerun called Shou Lung, specializing in fighting. He came into Stromkuhldur fifteen months ago with a party of four others, staying for three days. They returned through Stromkuhldur three days after that, staying for seven," Mar C reported. "No conduct demerits on record from him or his party."
Xie Wu beamed down at them. Cpn narrowed her eyes.
"And now your paramour has returned," it said drily. Mar C's lovers never came back. Easily attributed to the deadly nature of their residence, but equally so that their dalliances only humored Mar C as a dungeon curiosity. Cpn privately thought it was a bad look for goblins to let themselves be treated like a comedy act, but Mar C never invested much in return, despite their enthusiasm; they had even brought in one of their lovers in for questioning. Unfortunately, they were also very easy to please, and so it made Cpn suspicious when someone invested too much into their act.
Lartha cleared their throat awkwardly.
"So, Xie Wu. I take it that this is why were so eager to join us?"
"Isn't that interesting." Cpn's head swiveled. "Because here I was under the impression that you had disclosed everything of relevance to me."
To Lartha's limited credit, they realized their mistake immediately. Pale-faced, they bowed deeply.
"I only knew that he volunteered for this job. I suspected he had personal reasons for doing so, but, not realizing that it was relevant to Stromkuhldur specifically, I hadn't thought to question it. I can see now the potential for conflict that this mistake could have carried. You have my sincere apologies, and my assurances that the other three fighters were assigned and have no relation to the dungeon."
"Is that so?" Cpn paced along the line of now-silent adventurers. "Your assurances? Consider me unimpressed. That held very little weight before, and a good deal less after seeing a lapse in your judgement before even setting foot into our walls." She didn't honestly suspect anything of Lartha and their people. Even accounting for bluffs, double-bluffs, and misdirections, it would just be easier for them to keep this Xie Wu on a better leash if they had plans while in Stromkuhldur. As for the man himself…
"I have disclosed everything that I know," Lartha assured it, still in a deep bow. Cpn could see shivers of strain beginning to rippled down the length of their robes, but overall, admirable core and back strength…for a wizard. "I will understand completely if privileges are limited or additional supervision is placed over our party-"
"Diverting more of our forces? Yes, that would be smart of us," she drawled.
Lartha winced and finally addressed the party behind them.
"If any others among my party have anything to disclose, they will do so now or void the protection of Candlekeep from any future transgression in this dungeon." And to Cpn, painfully anticipating a premature departure, "We will follow whatever your decision is."
One by one, Lartha's party all shook their head and followed into their own bows. Xie Wu went last, in a great, sweeping move.
"Apologies!" His volume remained thunderous. "I meant no deception; I was only excited to return to my partner, and I will take full responsibility for my actions."
Ugh.
People had no idea what that actually meant, but this was enough grovelling for now.
"I will keep that in mind." Cpn looked over the party coldly, "That is all. You may follow Gob to your temporary quarters. Mar C. Remain."
Xie Wu and Mar C exchanged one more enthusiastic wave, and once the party trailed away, her scribe saluted at attention again. Cpn swallowed a sigh. She didn't enjoy interfering with Mar C's personal affairs, primarily because it encouraged them to share details that Cpn did not want to hear, so it kept its warning brief. In Goblin, she said, "You will report any infractions that your 'Xie Wu' commits, and any…" Cpn considered. Outside of explicitly defined rules, Mar C had difficulty reading people. Sometimes, this was very useful, their objective reporting of behavior, but they required an experienced handler. "Report if he has a higher than average degree of interest in Stromkuhldur and its functioning."
Mar C smiled and nodded, always excited to have a puzzle. They did, however, remind Cpn, "There was nothing exceptional about his last visit. Except." Per Cpn's orders, they obediently stopped before divulging their intimate expiences.
"That may have been true, and may be true still, but you hold information that can be used against Stromkuhldur. Be mindful of your place and of his. Dismissed."
~
Lartha's party would be in Stromkuhldur for a twelve days collecting dirt and rocks. They, and later Mar C, explained to Cpn the significance of these rocks, but her life wasn't significantly impacted by the arcane workings of Undermountain's caves. In the meantime, the martial visitors were ordered around by various soldiers to do their grunt work, and Mar C continued their regularly scheduled shifts, but at every available opportunity, they and Xie Wu were attached. They were easy to keep track of - they found everything the other said just so interesting and assured each other of this loudly and often. By day seven of their stay, Cpn was more or less assured that Xie Wu was not being used as a particularly obnoxious prong for an attack on Stromkuhldur, but was committed to suffering through the final days of Mar C's reports for thoroughness.
"He said his whole family eats poison for breakfast!"
Unusual, but none of her concern.
"He asked to see my favorite spot, so I took him to the Sargauth. We saw a zombie made of three different fish mashed together!"
Concerning, but not immediately relevant.
"He told me about all the places he's been to! He's got friends all over Faerun!"
Relevant, but not particularly unusual.
Aside from Mar C's reports, he and the rest of Lartha's party weren't under Cpn's supervision, so in truth, the human was not especially present in its thoughts. At least not until they heard one of those deadly unexplained silences.
In addition to Cpn's primary position supervising Stromkuhldur's entry point, all officers led regular scouting rounds through the connecting tunnels. The previous party would be returning from the east and southern halls as she and hers were leaving to scout the north and west quarters.
Silence.
Cpn adjusted the grip on its spear.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Cpn quietly clicked the end against the ground in time with its steps. The soldier behind tapped his spear in acknowledgement, and the message went down the line of six. The two in the back looped around and began a double-time march the way they'd come, barely making it out of range before a sickly violet glow appeared under their feet.
Cpn and Alul vaulted out of range of the faerie fire, which spared them from most of the following volley of arrows.
"Choke," it ordered the squad forward toward the narrowed passage twenty feet ahead. Shardek had already fallen, convulsing on the ground from poison, and Cpn needed a better position to control the drow creeping forward. She muttered its life up in prayer for Maglubiyet's service and prepared for the next attack. Her hobgoblins hurled javelins. The drow returned arrows. One of them nicked through its armor, and that was all that was needed to make Cpn's muscles shake. Damn those drow and the Spider Bitch they suckled from, that poison burned. It hissed, focusing all of its attention on holding its blessing over its soldiers. Reinforcements would be quick to come, but not always quick enough.
Cpn sucked in a breath to command the drow out of their cover, but stopped in shock when it saw light approaching from the far end of the cavern.
"As promised, Lieutenant!" That enormous, lumbering human hurtled into view with his blade gleaming, followed closely by Mar C. "I mean no harm to come to Stromkuhldur!" And he swung his polearm in a great arc into an unseen crevice.
"Lieutenant Greg!" Mar C huffed, throwing a sloppy salute as they ran. "Permission to help!"
"Granted," she snapped and threw another javelin. There was little for a goblin to do in combat except die, but they were on the wrong side of the cavern to assist in Stromkuhldur's defenses, and every additional body helped. It hoped that the magical light meant that others from the human's party were soon behind.
Mar C nodded firmly and snatched something - a bug? Centipede? - off the wall and hurled it at a drow. It arced gracelessly through the air, and Cpn tracked its movement to try and find the drow's nook it was aimed at...and then the centipede burst on impact. Dozens, and then hundreds of flies swarmed from its small carapace to surround the drow. He stumbled ferociously to the side to avoid them, shielding him eyes and gagging, not terribly hurt, but out of his protective position in the wall. Cpn reconsidered the polearm's light and made a note to ask her scribe about what they had been up to with those books they've been collecting.
Thump-thump-thump. The drow fell to the hobgoblins' arrows. Now, lit by the magic from the human's blade, and split between hostiles on either side of them, the drow were barking orders to each other to reposition, paired with their rapid-fire hand signals. Cpn could see two women vying for authority over their party with competing priorities. She could just make out a vicious "Coward" being spit in Elvish, only seconds before the march of armored footsteps coming from Stromkuhldur. They stepped steadily over the additional dead body of Alul, and Stromkuhldur's forces burst out of the choke point. If the goal was only to survive the attempted raid, the show of force would be enough to chase the bloody-eyed vermin back into the shadows, but that was not their goal.
Eventually, drow bodies outnumbered Stromkuhldur's. Cpn saw one of their final numbers slinking away, one of the "leaders" that had been called a coward. Pity that it was true and didn't even save her. Cpn leveled a hand toward the drow and shot a final bolt of light into her back.
"Mar C! You were so brave!"
"Xie Wu! That was so cool!"
"You're bleeding!"
"Yeah! I'm not dead! You saved me!"
Cpn looked around, mildly surprised that both fools had survived, and then cringed in disgust when it realized it could no longer see Mar C from where they were enveloped under Xie Wu's mass. It walked past them toward the drow corpses. One house ring, one silver band, one old enough that its etchings were worn to ambient noise. She slipped each one on.
Rings, it understood, were the most common symbol of choice for a marriage: a circle going 'round and 'round for infinity- eternal love. Cpn's hands were heavy with them. It wasn't poetic about its loss, such things happened far too often among her kind, and often from far worse circumstances. It simply hurt, and she missed him, and every ring was another day, another infinity, that she wouldn't have.
"Lieutenant Greg! Lieutenant Greg!" Mar C came scrambling after it. "We have a request!"
Cpn turned around. Mar C was covered in dirt and bleeding freely from a gash smiling under their eye. Xie Wu looked feverish from his own blood loss and battle high.
"He isn't entitled to requests," it said flatly. "We have dead to collect. What do you want."
"Lieutenant Greg!" Mar C saluted. "I'm requesting a marriage blessing between myself and Xie Wu!"
Cpn grimaced.
"Mar C." It wouldn't normally interfere, but it was weary. "He only wants additional privileges from marrying into Stromkuhldur. Privileges that don't exist," she added toward Xie Wu.
"That's not true!" His large eyes widened, wet and sincere. "I love them. I want it witnessed so that even if I die, even if we both die, a mark on the world remains because of it. And there's no better witness than a lead that they admire so deeply."
...
Ugh.
"Even still, a proper marriage ritual requires," she paused, "thirty gold worth of resources that Stromkuhldur will no provide." Mar C's first spouse was a "collector of novelties" and gladly provided the powdered silver in exchange for a trinket of Mar C's that would mark them as married, albeit only within Stromkuhldur's borders. She laughed about her "divorce" with her companions as she left. Cpn couldn't help but laugh when it saw the bauble amid a drow's belongings some days later.
"I will provide it," Xie Wu insisted.
"For a blessing from Maglubiyet?" it pressed.
"For a blessing from their home. I know that I'll always be second to Stromkuhldur. It only makes sense to honor that. I will do whatever's needed."
~
Cpn couldn't help but with Xlena's ghost in that quite hour. He would be calling her all sorts of things - tender-handed, sentimental, a pussy - and Cpn couldn't bring herself to disagree when Mar C planted their face into their new husband.