What to drink now?
It was last year when I first got the LOOK. I met up with a group of women whom for one reason or another were in town or nearby and we're going to get together.
I arrived a mere 10 minutes late to the table where the four other ladies were sitting when the waitress arrived and asked me what I would like to drink.
Granted, I barely had finished saying hello to the group when however absent mindedly I answered the waitress with "Oh, Rum and Coke please" The waitress smiled and said great.
As I took my seat at number 6 chair at the table I got THE LOOK. Was it matronly- no, shame- possible, or straight judgement - yes. What I had either forgotten or just didn't have the common sense to remember but four of the ladies were non alcoholics or recovering.
Honestly, it didn't register until all the drinks were brought and I figured out what the look was for. Mind you, no one outright said anything until our meals arrived but, yikes people I forgot or again just wasn't paying attention. Which really is the truth. I didn't order a dozen or so I just ordered one and sipped it through the night.
Yet, it was mid bite that I got my downgrade "Well, we can't invite Patricia if she is going to be drinking alcohol" I tried my best to smile and try not to throw it in their face that it was them who would arrange weekends tasting wine and day drinking. I simply took it. Not wanting to get into an argument, but that is the thing...the holy than thou attitude continued
In response to my lagging workouts " Drinking wine will not help your waistline" I tried to nod in agreement without pounding on the table about how the speaker would go to a barre class then over to a wine bar nearby.
I just paid the bill for the table answering " Well, If I am going to be a martyr I might as well foot the bill for your meals" It was enough to get them to shut up and one venmo'd me some funds to cover their meal but, most felt justified which is sad.
I just left the table and went home. A week later I got an text, " Are you okay?" from my biggest bully and I simply stated "I appreciate your question, you take care ! " I admit I understand why people stop drinking. I know several people whom have stopped drinking and gone into programs.
Here is the thing, my rule of thumb is to simply do Arnold Palmers or Ice Tea when in public unless its all good to enjoy an alcoholic drink. My weakness is when someone else is paying and its really good wine or its an event.
But here is the thing you gotta know that the event or the party is non alcoholic beforehand. Equally, because I know the struggle is real from Trivia Nights at Wine Bars to Octoberfest socialization sometimes is a trigger for alcoholic indulgence but it doesn't have to be that way.
I enjoy going to the Exploratorium or Museums completely enjoying the experience sans alcohol yet, there appears to be alcohol EVERWHERE whether its advertising or some actor you follow. Suddenly, there it is like a gremlin or gravity tripping you up and you have to be an adult and reinforce the no alcohol.
I was volunteering and the subject came up and I didn't notice one of the ladies that was at the dinner was there too ( literally I am just not seeking these people out ). I related my tale and explained that I didn't know and in a group of strangers the debate continued. When I mentioned paying for the meals the other volunteers were shocked and said it was too much all the way around. The bullying and the osteraziation.
Afterward, I got a text from one of the woman who said "You really shouldn't have paid, but you also should have sent your drink back and not had alcohol "
I honestly did not know what to type back for the longest time and decided " Your meal was $32.58 would you can venmo me otherwise Take Care of yourself"
I have not heard a peep since. While losing a social group that I will inevitably see later this year is disheartening I don't think bullying is the answer. Simply take a piece of advice, start with water and go from there.
good luck because everyone is judging you.
