If you don't mind me asking, what's it like being in med school and being married/with kids? I always thought I'd put off having kids or just not have any at all bc of the rigor of that lifestyle but you seem to be doing just fine :)
(I’m sorry in advance for the long answer, but I love your question and am excited to give it the answer that I feel it deserves!)
I’ll start off by saying that I’m not in med school. Right now, I’m a postbacc premed. (You can find out a little more about me here.) So, I can’t speak to the academic rigors of medical school, but I think I can address the skills I’ve developed to manage a marriage, a family, and academia that I think will most definitely help me when I am in medical school.
First off, I love what you said, “[I] seem to be doing just fine.” To me, social media is, most often, someone’s highlight reel. Rarely does one get to see the ins and outs of someone’s life. If you were to see mine, I’m sure you’d think I had a lot of improving to do– I know I think so. So there’s that. :)
You’ve probably heard it said that there’s never a convenient time to have children. It’s true. There will never be a time in your life or career where you look around and think, “Man, all of my shit is together and I’m pretty bored… I think I’ll start that family I’ve always wanted.” For my wife and I, we came together and decided that having children was a priority. Although it will be inconvenient, tiring, and consuming it’s ultimately something that we both want. I think that’s where you need to start. Sure, a challenging, rewarding career is incredible, but I would caution anyone against becoming so focused on making a living that they forget to make a life along the way. I think that best doctor are the one’s that feel whole. Do whatever makes you feel whole.
A side note: Adoption is a miracle. My little sister-in-law and cousin are adopted, and I couldn’t ever imagine my family feeling complete without them. There are over 102,000 children waiting to be adopted. Don’t forget that there is more than one way to make a “forever family”. (In fact, my wife and I are considering adopting our next child! Shhh! Don’t tell anyone.)
On family and (pre)medicine…
I would never have decided to go after medicine if my wife wasn’t on board. Period. Premed to medical student to resident to doctor (to fellow to attending) is too long and hard of a road to drag a partner down. It leads to bitterness and resentment, and that’s a terrible recipe for a marriage.
Luckily, my wife knew what she was getting into. She grew up watching her dad go to medical school and eventually become an Emergency Physician. Later on, she watched her uncle (who was 36 years old and had three kids) decide to go premed and enter medical school and become a doctor. Soon thereafter, she saw our cousin enter medical school and neurosurgery residency. And now, our other cousin is premed as well (a year ahead of me). Needless to say, she knew more than I did what this road would mean.
The conclusion that I’ve come to (and the one my very medical family agrees with as well) is that Balance is key. Time management is key. You have to lord over your time or your time will lord over you. Inevitably in this line of work, you will miss some things. But if you prioritize and remain diligent you don’t have to miss every thing.
One of the ways I try to to miss every thing is to use my study breaks to be with my wife and children. I’ll tell my wife, “I have 20 minutes. Let’s talk!” And we’ll sit on the couch and chat while I dangle one of my twin boys upside down. I don’t go out with school people after class, I don’t fill up all of my free-time with volunteering (because I have to work also………). I spend it with my family.
One last thing. Having a fulfilling life in medicine is possible. No, I’m not a doctor, but I know a lot of them and I can tell you what I’ve seen. It’s possible to have a spouse, kids, hobbies, and a kick-ass medical career where you get to save lives. No, your schedule will never be 100% ideal, but with effort you’ll have the time to give to things that are important to you.
ONE DREAM DOESN’T HAVE TO DIE SO THAT ANOTHER CAN LIVE.
And that’s all I have to say about that.
