#normalizeladyrage

[cygnaut]

ecouter-bien replied to your post “I really need a supercut of MMFR that’s just Furiosa screaming in...”

<3

lauraontheleft replied to your post “I really need a supercut of MMFR that’s just Furiosa screaming in...”

Sorry you're having a rough morning.

Thanks <3 I feel better after getting this out of my system.

[cygnaut]

Some personal thoughts on Furiosa

Watching MMFR for the first time I felt an instant connection to Furiosa. I hate the word "empowering" (because what does that even mean?) but I don't have a better way to describe how I felt watching the movie. I felt stronger and happier and BETTER after having seen Furiosa fight and rage and tear off the patriarchy's metaphorical face and WIN.

I tend to be angry a lot. Like a LOT. I get mad easily, sometimes over worthy things (the wage gap, police shootings, gun control) and sometimes over less-righteous things (traffic, silly internet arguments, people being dumb). No matter how justified or irrational my feelings, I've spent my whole life learning to swallow up and clamp down and redirect my anger because it's not professional or appropriate or feminine. As a child my mother would often ask "why do you get so frustrated?" but I didn't know why or how to stop it or that the real word for what I was feeling was "angry." I only knew I had to put a lid on it fast or get in trouble.

These days, I'm better at managing my anger. I try not to direct it at specific people since that's not very healthy or productive. I try to save anger for systems and patterns, rather than individuals, but the truth is that it's still so very easy for me to feel rage and hate. But I manage. I've learned to be a professional and deal calmly with all kinds of shit, from minor irritations to misogynist slights. I've managed to work on a daily basis with people I absolutely loath without letting it interfere with my ability to cooperate with them and get the job done. I save my rage for private moments or for rants with friends.

All this is to say, it felt so good to see a woman getting to be incandescent with ugly rage and USE IT. Furiosa's anger is pointed and directed and rational. It's her armor, and her weapon, and her inoculation against Joe's virulent philosophy. It helps her survive 7000 days of horror without losing her soul. It helps her stay focused on her goal and claw her way to power because power means driving the war rig and that means escape. It helps her take the huge risk of leaving and make it even riskier by taking Joe's "wives" with her. Her anger even helps her tell herself that she's only taking them as a final FUCK YOU because admitting anything else is too hard.

It helps her find her people again and it helps her survive learning that the Green Place is gone. It helps her drive straight back to face Joe’s army and risk everything all over again. It helps her keep driving the war rig after being stabbed. It helps her climb out of the cab to kill Joe (who she hates SO MUCH it's like another knife lodged inside her). It helps her free herself and the other women (and men) trapped in the same shitty awful system. 

It helps her create a new better world that maybe won't require quite so much rage to survive.

[sarahdactylblogs]

#NormalizeLadyRage

Once upon a time I attended a seminar (as part of a larger professional conference) about women and emotional maturity. The whole point of the talk was that women need to get some emotional maturity in the workplace. As in, they can’t overreact, lead with emotion, generally break down into sobbing masses. 

I remember leaving that seminar pissed as hell, thinking about how I’ve had some bad days at work (and a few involved me literally running outside JUST SO I wouldn’t break down at my desk) but generally I prided myself on holding my shit together. “Not every woman struggles with emotional maturity,” I thought, and rolled my eyes and continued on with my day, life, career, etc.

Several events popped up during the last week that gave me pause and reminded me of that seminar. While I still don’t necessarily agree that every woman needs emotional maturity lessons, it occurred to me that she may have a point. 

1) My boyfriend and I are buying a house together. That means we’re on the mortgage together, making decisions together, and dealing with all of the big stuff together. To his credit, for being a bachelor for all these years he’s handling this whole “completely shared existence with another person” thing like a friggin’ rock star. He’s included me on everything. He discusses everything with me. Even though we don’t always agree, he always considers and validates my opinions and concerns, and even when he suspects I may be reacting as a result of exterior stress (which has certainly been true) rather than be condescending or dismissive, we talk it out and give it time and he checks back. He’s been a rock star, actually. 

Our realtor, by contrast, has not. It’s interesting to note here that she’s a woman, although I don’t really know why I feel the need to note that. She’s left me off of every communication. I don’t know if she is unaware of our mutual involvement or merely dismissive of it. Regardless, it’s incredibly invalidating. The boyfriend, to his credit, spoke up for me and demanded that she start CCing me on emails (as he’s done since this whole process started) and she finally did. As glad that I was that he spoke up for me, I’m annoyed that he had to. 

2) Oh, the chauvinist in my life. Now, of course there are many, but this one in particular is a regular figure in my life and becoming harder and harder to deal with. At one point, he was somewhat beholden to me. Since that phase has ended, the tables have turned and he’s become aggressive and unpleasant, behaving in such a way that communicates when I voice anything against him I’m being a bitch but he has reign to (literally) yell at me all he wants. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to interact with him at all, even at the most basic acquaintance level and look forward to the day when I no longer have to. 

He’s not a bad guy, and as far as I can tell he doesn’t treat every woman like this. I think he just doesn’t like me. I have my suspicions as to why, and that’s fine. Unless you’re a $100 bill not everyone is going to like you. But to treat me with a complete lack of respect as a human being? That’s ridiculous in any scenario. 

Both of these things put me in positions where I am angry, but feel guilty for feeling that way. Or, if not guilty, like I’m doing something wrong or going against my nature by being upset about something. I am continually checking my emotions and behavior against my logical thinking: am I within realistic limits to be upset? This is reasonable, to feel ignored or attacked, right? Am I handling this in a way that is fair to myself, the realtor, the acquaintance, etc? After hours of obsessing about it and after LOTS of second guessing, I determine that I am, but realize that the other people in this scenario have probably not considered their actions at all, nor felt the need to. 

Which brings me to number 3. 

3) While listening to an NPR Podcast (Pop Culture Happy Hour for those interested- it’s great!) I heard the hashtag #NormalizeLadyRage and it gave me pause. So often I feel unreasonable and guilty for expressing what I have determined (over and over) to be absolutely justified, valid anger and for reacting as such. And not even raging, just EXPRESSING it at the most basic level. Even saying something as simple as, “Hey, I get why you’re frustrated but you gotta work on the attitude” is met with rage, and then I feel like I somehow lit the stage on fire and I’m in the wrong. 

I am blessed to have had so many supportive people in my life who validate my voice, raging or not, but it’s still not the norm. Not for me, and certainly not for most women. 

All of it made me think of the emotional maturity lady with whom I so ardently disagreed with in the past. I wondered if she has people who validate her rage, or if she’s trying to keep her head above water in a world where women are nothing if they’re not “pleasant” like many of us have seen our way through in the past. 

I wish I had a solution. I wish that #normalizeladyrage could be met with an open mind and no period jokes, but alas. Regardless of how unacceptable it is, realistically it’s only a matter of time. 

I can pitch this into the ether, though. Everyone has a voice, and everyone should feel free to use it. I am grateful for the validators in my life. Although it should be the norm, I recognize we have a long way to go before it is and that they should be applauded for being early adopters. 

Rage on, lady ragers. I have your back, and if you ever need to question your perfectly valid anger (dozens of times) I’m your girl.