“nature speaks to those who disappear into it”
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“nature speaks to those who disappear into it”
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pacific northwestern aesthetic: fog, ghost towns, the pounding of rain on a window, heavy winds, creaking noises in an evergreen forrest, the crumbling foundations of a house, rusted boats, ocean crashing on rocks, being kidnapped by bigfoot and raised in the woods, the smell of sorrel, clouds, buried secrets, poison ivy creeping up the side of a tree, the hunt for one eyed willie and his treasure to save your town, heavy air, unexplained noises from the mist, the crunch of pine needles beneath your feet, empty highway at midnight, peacefulness in haunting.
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Untitled Poem
A force of apathy to reach of nothing, somewhat understood, bringing this to the man, fear. So little of this known, the ice caps that are, insufferable, a hole constantly closing, drawing in the edges of sight, the wonder, usually last of disassociating. A feeble cry out into a blue hellscape, a façade of figures with painted faces colors, all masturbating, pouring their very own transparent pitchers into their very own transparent glasses of water. It spills, it dries, it was never even there. The wilderness swallowed and still with great birds emitting calls unfamiliar and ghostlike. Who could perk up and stop the talons of etching away at the boy’s face? His spatial awareness dominating the head space and only letting in fear, a mechanism of primal living.
Utterly terrified he constructs motivations, irrational and to the laws of his own misplaced stories. “Yes I’m sure she would be glad to see me.” He serrated away thick slivers of foot and did not dare gnaw on the black fungus. Chased light for his drawings and damned himself for such lack of time, damning the sun as well, the one of two entities watching his back. The boy tied his guitar case to his pant strap, his shoes to his pack. He glowed a shadow of morbid monstrosity, never before felt and in this way, because novelty new, welcomed. He pushed a wizard to the ground in a squat, where they foolishly tagged the window with an “a”, and not being able to acquire pot nor clear, drank an angry amount. Two of them were asleep immediately, and two fought with the wizard, who told them to death, cried in a preacher’s tongue, and spat on the woman who newt had taken a romantic interest in. He has not seen that wizard sense, sentenced to himself on the road with a small dog named chicharrones.
Still, even now, he’s stubbornly marching north west, with intentions to see her, a romantic, cinematic almost, vision of her casually passing by, noticing him on the ground, while he plays his guitar, maybe even hearing his voice afar, and approaching with the quiet voice she once had used to speak to the boy. He certainly hasn’t heard that voice in sometime. When he called her last, she was stern, and to his interpretation, faulty maybe, mean spirited. Newt’s racking his brain how she could possibly be so, against him. Flowing, raging, falling against him, with nothing of grace or kindness except to the upmost recent to where, seeing him being ridiculed for his poetry, commended his writing. Newt figures she’s considering his recent diagnosis of chlamydia, which has swelled his left testical into a hard stone, wrenching his breath, daily nausea.Newt suspects the doctors, aren’t really giving much thought, and are incorrect in their diagnosis, and with this, newt fears the worst. The reality of actually having some dangerous ailment is not romantic as the proto speculations, in fact, they are fucking lonely, dying alone, he was dying last and told her and she scolded him. His hate was at its worse then, on the bus home to his two brothers, who he is already leaving, he pressed little blue bubbles of manic hate letters. She responded like a therapist, straight off the homework, kept saying it was his parents’ fault, all stemming from a childhood deprived of needs met, love and nourishment. How can she not see they are past filling that role, and so, he pursues her of this very want?
It’ll probably add up to nothing and he won’t even make it there; half way across the country, the road does not bend to the will of a young man undeserving. At least maybe, the meth will help the knightbear, or the stinging wind the temperament, the ego death. The heat of a dog’s belly, and the sharp pull of a cold night, tucked away in the apex of a concrete bridge, the roaring cars above granting an illusion of safety, permitting sleep. Awake and continue onward in search for the something he has only ever gotten from her.
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