Power of Parenting
We, human beings, want to raise happy and well-adjusted kids. But the constant baggage can make us feel lost on this journey. No one has taught us how to be a good father or a good mother, instead we’ve always heard that you will become a good parent once the responsibilities fall on your shoulders. This conflict often confuses us and leaves us scared of this overwhelming journey which needs to be explored and corrected by trial and error.
The concept of ‘Gentle Parenting’ has gained a lot of attention in recent years as it focuses on positive discipline to nurture the skills in parents and children respectively. It is an approach which fosters a safe and nurturing environment that provides consistent boundaries to the children’s emotional needs. This type of parenting cultivates social skills and emotional intelligence in children. Unlike traditional parenting, this parenting undermines the cause of misbehaviour and rather focuses on developing the skills to regulate their emotional needs.
Some characteristics of gentle parenting are as follows:
Acknowledgement and Support: Parents acknowledge and validate the feelings of their children. Children in such situations feels secure and heard by their parents. This creates a strong bond between the parents and children.
Setting boundaries: Although such parents provide ample opportunities to their kids that will help them to grow, it is equally important for them to also set clear and consistent boundaries that can foster a sense of autonomy and enable the children to make better decisions.
Connection: Gentle parenting builds a strong connection with the children and provides a safe space where children feel comfortable to express their emotions, which allows for open communication.
Diana Baumrind in the 1960s, had theorised three parenting styles i.e., Authoritative, Authoritarian and Indulgent. Later Maccoby and Martin had added one more to it which is neglectful parenting.
Authoritarian: Such parenting is restricting and demanding. Parents set rules and regulations and are very firm with their decisions. The parents who follow this style are not considerate about their child’s opinions or feelings and the child is expected to adhere to the rules and regulations without any questions. A big communication gap is seen in such a style as parents merely give the instructions to the child and do not expect to engage with them in a dialogue. Such children usually have low self-confidence and self-esteem.
Indulgent: This style is also called the permissive parenting style. Parents who follow this type of parenting do not enforce any rules to be followed. Instead, they over-indulge the child by solving their problems and provide them with everything they desire, even if the item is not required. Such children lack social skills and problem-solving skills and are less motivated to do any task.
Authoritative: Such parents are not very demanding and rewarding. They provide clear expectations, warmth and maintain open communication with their children. They allow their children to grow and offer support and guidance whenever and wherever it is required. Such children have high level of confidence and self-esteem, and low levels of behavioural issues.
Neglectful: This is also called uninvolved parenting style as the parents lack responsiveness and are less involved in the child’s life. Parents do provide the basic needs to the child but fail to provide the emotional support and guidance to them. This leads to emotional distress, insecurity and other mental health issues.
Parenting style adopted by the parents for their children plays an important role on the child’s development including the physiological development. Parents must show unconditional regard, warmth, open communication and respect to their child’s opinion. They must give choices to the children rather than giving orders. They must place their kids in situations where they can learn and use their own potential to overcome challenges. Thus, parents can use the following strategies to introduce such positive discipline at their home:
Identify the root cause of the behaviour: The way the children are expressing their emotions won’t be same every time. In some situations, you will find them angry or frustrated, in others you may find them irritating. As a parent, you must focus on what has led the child to behave in this manner. At that time, actively listen to them and validate their emotions and identify the events that has caused these actions.
Follow up: Communicating your expectations and setting clear goals are very important as a parent, so that your children are aware about their actions and the consequences of said actions. Build trust and constantly check with your kids if they are okay or not.
Time out: There are times when you as a parent are overwhelmed with all the things that are going on. So, it’s important to take a time out, as this will help you to maintain your calmness and focus on yourself. As a parent’s mental health is equally important to a child’s.
Dr. Samiksha Jain
Assistant Professor
Department of Psychology
The NorthCap University, Gurugram
Areas: Clinical Psychology, Counselling Psychology, Media Psychology, Research and Development, Positive Psychology











