you belong here. it’s something that ezra has to constantly repeat to himself in his brain. his clothes are all sewn by him and he just stitches designer tags on them. he’s living with nicolás and feels bad that his best friend is footing all of the bills, but there’s plenty of things he still needs to buy for himself. ezra fike is a fraud and he always has been. he pushes that all out of his head as he walks out of the library. he can do this, he belongs here, he’s one of them.
then in that same exact moment he saw one of the other love club members. it’s odd. for all of his life he was locked outside. now he’s in the most elitist club in all of northridge, hell all of scotland, and he still feels like a nobody. he takes in a deep breath and holds the two books he’s checked out with both hands. that’ll give him an excuse for not shaking their hand and revealing how sweaty his palm him.
the smile that cracks his emotionless demeanor is small, like the ghost of a smile he was supposed to first have as a child. the thing about always being on the outskirts is that he never felt the happiness of the warmth inside. ezra takes in a deep breath and size, picturing himself to be one of the chess pieces on his board. knight to e5.
“ they’re closing for lunch. something about having to redo the systems because the intern messed it up. “ as he motions to the library behind him he wonders if they’re hiring. “ i’m ahead on the reading for class if you need one of the books. “ keep it educational, they don’t need to know how pathetic his mundane life is.