What do you do? (AKA the story of how Castiel feels when Misha left)
It always happens. Every year, every life every soul. It has a life and it ends. Somehow, in some way, they leave you be and let you be alone, or they die off while you're forced to watch it happen over. And over, and over again. With no stops
It always does. He's always left alone. In some way, Castiel never really had anybody. He'd always let them down or they only used him or wanted to kill him. Everytime something would happen with Castiel and Adam, it was always Adam who had everyone on his side, you had everyone try and comfort him while he's sat alone trying to know or figure out what he fucked up on. It was always him who never had anybody who seemed to really care for him. Always him who only let people's expectations of him drop so they'd have favourites of other angels
Then there was Misha. As odd as it would have been a relationship between them. Castiel loved him. He was the closest thing to real family he felt like. The only real person that treated him in the kind of brotherly manner that he's see in television or read in books. He cared for the angel, knew him. Yes, he hated when Misha tried saying he was Castiel, or knew so much about it. It helped. He understood him then. Misha knew him better than anybody else. He never expected anymore from the angel than he already gave, he never thought him better or worse. He only.. cared.
When Adam finally acted on his feelings and left. Both were upset and Adam had Jemma and Samandriel and Lucifer and everyone. They were all with him because he was there family. Castiel only had Misha, because he was his. He did everything to try and keep Castiel happy.. In return all he did was do the same for him. Give him the protection he'd give anyone he knew and make sure he was always alright when he was down. That's what they did. Misha and Castiel, they seemed to... keep eachother grounded. Even with Misha married to Jemma.
Then he felt in the way
Because she has somebody who would NEVER purposefully give her up and leave her. Because Castiel had somebody who did and needed somebody there.
Always in the way with Misha and Jemma because he loved the one person who never wanted him dead and he gets the way of it. That's why he'd gone now isn't it? He got in the way and spent too much time with his sibling as Jemma would with Adam and his new angel and Misha was affected by it...
He can't not think it was his fault. Why can't you do better, why can't you try harder why can't you do anything right. Because when the one and only person you know would never cause you harm leaves his wife feels like she's alone? Why? Because her brother Adam is with his angel? Because she can't realize that in this place of what? 5 people that EVERY one of them loves her and would give anything for her? That those three, they can't be separated because no matter what happens they always get to have eachother. Because whenever one person is sad two others are there to help if not more? Why should he not feel upset? Because he lost someone important too? How should she understand.
Aside from his fledgling years it was never like that for him. Misha, the one person he can ever completely open up to and actually wasn't ever going to hide from. The one and only person he dares let see who he is, lets see or touch his wings. Then he was gone. Left without a trace. Knowing only something was wrong. HE should have helped more but he can't and now he's alone again. Because even if he has Sam Winchester he's not somebody who will know him as Misha knows him, who will never expect anything less or more than him, who would never get disappointed in the angel or wish him gone or dead or ever, wish or cause him harm.
What are you suppose to do when the only person that ever cared to see on you, care for your health, the only person who ALWAYS took your side no matter what it was, who's fault something could have been. What do you do when they just leave and don't tell you anything?
When you're left with only yourself just as you always were. Sure, Castiel is used to it. The leaving. Being immortal does that. You gain friends and in every life time and watch them die. As you have to lead their souls to heaven or watch them descend to Hell. He is use to the abandonment, whether purposeful or not. Maybe Jemma is human so things are harder on her. Having a child in a few months but having a homse full of people willing to love and care for her and the baby. The least he finds he can do is TRY and keep them safe and protected. But that failed last night hm? Harming her and almost killing Adam with his own hands. No wonder he was never a guardian angel.
He's promised himself to try to keep Misha's wife and child protected but can't even do that. It's always Samandriel .It's always the better angel .The more liked one. The one that can't screw things up have to be the ones they like. The cute ones who haven't seemed to live to mess up. BEcause that's all he does. He's innocent and sweet and Misha was the only one that seemed to like Castiel more... So he's just alone now with someone saying to love him and take his blood, with someone barely knowing him and claiming he was what kept them grounded, with two people who how could they not hate him? --With someone who clearly doesn't seem to think Castiel deserves what he has...
What are you suppose to do when the one person in all your life you've found that keeps you grounded just.... Disappears?
