Today is my daughter’s last day at church. Last Sunday I dropped her off at my mom’s house to go to church like she has done every Sunday since she was a baby. She mentioned that someone at church told my mom that she should get my brother and myself to come back. I then told my daughter that her uncle and I used to go, but we don’t believe in that any more.
Her eyes widened while trying to process this and then with tears in her eyes said, “But it’s true.” I told her the Bible is full of stories, like her fairytales, and have morals and lessons on how we should act and how to be a good person, but they were not necessarily true. The tears were now streaming down her face and she just repeated that it was all true over and over.
I could see now that she was also upset by the fact that mommy, daddy, and Uncle Tyler were going to Hell.
My heart was broken that such a heavy subject was even weighing on a 6 year olds mind. What’s worse is that she is already so indoctrinated that these stories were true. This was something she had to think about every day. She should be thinking about friends, her favorite shows, what tutu to wear today, princess or superhero? What happens to her when she dies is not something she should be or have to be thinking about.
She is not a sinner she is a 6 year old. For her to think that if she is bad she is going to Hell, is a Pavlovian bell ringing in her ear to make her be a good girl. I teach my kid to be a good person because that’s what you are supposed to be not what you have to be to avoid punishment.
Religion and death is such an abstract notion for a child to even comprehend. They can’t process what all of this really means especially when you give them a few stories out of very big book and tell them this is what they have to believe or eternal damnation is waiting for them.
She started going to church as a baby when she didn’t go to daycare and had no interaction with other people and kids. It was a way for her to get social interaction and make Grandma happy by showing her off. She is now in school and gets ample social exposure and excels at it. I have the notes from the teacher that say she was talking during a lecture to prove it.
It’s time for her to stop going to church. It was time a couple of years ago, but Sunday mornings with no kids and time to get school work, house work, or me time without interruption was such nice thing to have and I am a terrible parent for choosing that over my daughter’s mental well-being.
My mom’s question to me is always, “What if she grows up and decides to be a Christian?” I tell her that’s fine. As long as she has learned all she can about other religions, science, and life before deciding that this is what works for her. My question to her will always be, “Does this make you a better person?” If so, then I’m happy for her. I don’t want to say that I will allow it because it’s her life and not up to me to make her believe something that she doesn’t or tell her not to believe something that she does. I can only present her evidence and educated arguments if I don’t agree with something and let her draw her own conclusions from there.
Right now is the time to teach my daughter everything I can so that when she is old enough she can make the most educated decision about her own life.
