She’s reread the note dozens of times now. Fiddling with the words and editing it to make her true intentions hidden. Because she can barely admit to herself that there might be something more there, let alone another person. It’s not there though, it can’t be. There had to be another explanation.
But of course, she can’t figure that out by herself and desperately needs to talk about it with someone but doesn’t have anyone to turn to. Except for Robin. Maybe she just needs to bite the bullet and tell her, maybe once it’s out there she’ll realize just how ridiculous it sounds. Nancy Wheeler, having a crush on a girl. Unheard of. Unbelievable. Unaccepted.
That’s what clogs her throat up each time she starts to think about it. She’d be unaccepted. By society, by her parents, by her friends. Maybe by Robin. This type of feeling isn’t allowed. It isn’t her. Which is why she’s so sure that it can’t be that.
So why can’t she look at Robin for more than four seconds before her heart starts beating faster? Why does the mere thought of her voice send shivers down Nancy’s spine? Something as simple as a smile makes her flush or her breath caught in her throat.
It’s unexplainable. Unreal. Wrong. This feeling was wrong. But Nancy can’t seem to stop wanting it.
Robin’s tired. So goddamn tired. Like the soul was physically sucked out of her body and all that was left was this mess of a blob that she had to carry around all day tired. She hates it. Hates the feeling of just getting through the day just to go home and try to sleep, but never succeeds.
It hasn’t been this bad in a while. Not since July. But at least then she had more of an excuse. Then she was taken by Russians and tortured, heard Steve’s screams through the long hallway of the bunker. Now, what does she have to say? She willingly jumped into an alternate dimension portal to save her friend and willingly went back again to kill an evil wizard. She didn’t see the visions her friends did, didn’t watch her friends almost die. No, she came out unscathed, just mild horrors to be seen. The sleepless night shouldn’t be happening.
But they are. Have been ever since that first night after spring break. Waking in a cold sweat, immediately calling her friends to know that they were ok. Resigning herself to only getting the amount of sleep she did or sneaking out her window to go to Steve’s. That way when one of them had a nightmare, they might actually be able to sleep after that. She can’t rely on him as much as she wants, especially if she wants him to have any semblance of a life. But she just can’t help it.
He’s never said anything about it, always willing to drop anything to come make sure she was ok. Not like he was doing anything either, just laying alone in that giant house of his. But now that Eddie’s been released from the hospital, they’ve been spending more time together, Steve helping him through the nightmares. And she sees the way they look at each other, she knows that something’s going to happen between them too, even if they can’t see it yet.
So she has to learn how to do things on her own sometimes. She can still rely on him if she needs it, he isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. He just might need some space and nights alone, meaning that Robin would have to start being alone. If only that thought alone didn’t terrify her.
She walks into the bathroom and is met with the giant bags under her eyes. Barely having the energy to even get dressed in the morning, it’s not like she has the energy to cover them up. Her mom asks her questions, and her dad gets worried. All she could tell them were lies, that it was just nerves about some test or college applications, and that’s why she couldn’t sleep. She splashes some cold water on her face, trying anything to keep her awake for three more periods.
Slowly she makes her way to her next class and prays that she won’t fall asleep.
. . .
Nancy is walking to her next class when she spots Robin. Hunched over, clutching books close to her chest, and shuffling into the classroom. She looks like she hasn’t gotten any sleep at all, Nancy knows the feelings. It’s not like she’s been able to sleep that well the last few weeks. She’s just had four years of practice to make sure no one knew it was happening. It would go away soon, she knows. Slowly compartmentalizing in her mind until the memories fade away, only to haunt her again when she doesn’t want them to.
But Robin, she’s still new to this. Sure there was the summer, but that was only once. It took Nancy three times around to be able to train her mind to forget the images that plagued her mind. And even then it wasn’t perfect.
There were always people that Nancy could rely on though. Steve and Jonathan when she was dating them, and sometimes even Mike when they both needed someone to talk to. Someone was always there to help her fall back asleep, assure her that she was safe, and that they were okay.
Does Robin have anyone to do that? Nancy assumes she has Steve, but it’s not like they live that close. And they’re not dating, so it’s not like they would spend that many nights together. She can’t imagine what Robin would do, climb out her window and bike all the way to Steve’s, or call him and he then drive over to her. Time spent in panic when someone could already be there to calm her down.
Nancy wants to be there for Robin. They live a lot closer and could have sleepovers on nights when one of them just needed someone to help get them through the night. But she hasn’t had time.
Ever since the “earthquake” the school paper has had endless stories. Student testimonials and memorials. News about the repairs and charity drives. A constant reminder of what they didn’t stop quite in time.
Because of that, Nancy hasn’t had time to think about herself, let alone someone else. The stories are slowing down and life is returning to normal. Meaning that she should be too, or at least trying to. That way she could focus on her future and get through the rest of the year. Finally leave Hawkins behind and start the next part of her life, away from danger.
After the bell rings, Nancy sees Robin again, half asleep wandering through the halls. She wants to go up to her, ask her if she’s alright. If maybe she wants to come over after school and take a nap knowing that someone is there to protect her. It’s what Nancy would want Robin to do, so why can’t she do it herself?
Maybe it’s because she and Robin don’t know each other that well. They hung out a lot during spring break, but how much can you really learn about a person while saving the world? That doesn’t stop her from wanting to get to know her more. Somewhere along the line, she and Robin bonded. Maybe Nancy could have a best friend again, she just has to take the first step.
Robin stops, exchanging a book in her locker before walking through the hall again. Nancy tries to speed up and catch her, but she misses her in seconds. Looking at the locker at her right, she gets an idea. Ripping out a page of her notebook, she writes a note and pushes it through the slits of the locker, hoping that Robin responds.
. . .
Robin,
Hey, I just wanted to check up on you. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to hang out that much, I’ve been really busy with the newspaper. We have so many stories to write about the “earthquake” that I’ve been working overtime just to get all of them edited. Really it’s so annoying, especially since we know what happened. I just want to go back to writing stories about the mystery meat, as much as it pains me to say that.
But anyway. I really did just want to check up on you. Our schedules don’t really align that much but when I pass you in those halls, you look so alone. Not to say that you don’t have friends or anything. But I know that feeling of just wanting to isolate yourself after what happens, and I know you have Steve to help deal with all of this but, I guess I just wanted to make sure that you knew you could talk to me too.
I’ll leave my number on the bottom in case you don’t have it. Please feel free to call me anytime, really. I want to be there for you.
From,
Nancy
(P.S., my locker number is A350 if you want to respond. No pressure though!)
Robin reads the letter that fell out of her locker again, shocked that it isn’t some prank. The first thought that crossed her mind was that it was some jock who just wanted to poke fun at the band geek who looked like shit. Not like it’s unheard of.
However, when she opened the letter and read it, she smiled instead of balling it up and throwing it away. It’s the first time she’s heard from Nancy in weeks. Ever since school started up again, Robin would see her running through the halls from class to class, and then right to the newspaper room during lunch and after school. She thought that Nancy had forgotten about her, but she was wrong.
The last bell rings for the day and Robin curses under her breath, stuffing her bag full of books before booking it to the parking lot, Steve waiting for her like always.
“No offense, but you look like shit,” he says as she slides into the passenger seat.
“How anyone fell for your charm, I will never know.”
He pulls out of the parking lot. “Eh, after school doesn’t really work all that much anymore. But uh- seriously. Have you been sleeping?”
Robin yawns. “I’m fine.”
“That’s not what I asked. You look like you haven’t slept in weeks. I’m worried about you, you haven’t called that much and you can barely walk to the car when I pick you up. I just- I just want you to know that I’m still here, if you need to talk about it, that’s all.”
“I know. I just didn’t want you to come over as much and I can’t keep biking to your place in the middle of the night.”
Steve turns, taking the longer way to her house as he does every day so they can talk more. “Then call me, we can just fall asleep on the phone like we used to.”
“Aren’t you a little preoccupied now,” She switches the conversation, getting the spotlight off of her.
“The hell does that mean?”
“I mean that you and Eddie have been spending a lot of nights together.”
He pauses, not immediately biting back. “He’s been having a tough time with everything ok, that’s it.”
Robin hums disbelievingly. “Uh huh, sure. Let me know when that changes.”
She digs through her backpack to find her water bottle and stumbles upon the note Nancy left in her locker. If she had another five minutes, she would have responded. Pulling it out, she looks at it, reading through the words again.
“What’s that?” Steve asks as he turns down her street.
“Nancy left me a note in my locker, checking in on me.”
He parks in front of her house. “That’s nice. You going to respond?”
“I think so. It’d be nice to have someone else to talk about all of this, you know.”
“Yeah I know,” he nods. “Call me, ok. Don’t just think you have to go through this alone. No matter what, you still have me, ok.”
Robin nods. “Yeah, I know. And I will. Promise.”
When she gets to her room, she basically falls on her bed, debating if she should take a nap. But it might be the only sleep she gets tonight, so it’d be best to do it later. Looking at the letter in her hand again, she decides to write a response.
. . .
Dear Nancy,
How thoughtful of you to check up on little ole me. I should be the one checking up on you. So how dare you getting to it first.
In all seriousness though, I’ve been ok, I guess. I haven’t really been sleeping, which is why I look like complete shit all the time. But it’ll go away soon. I hope at least. Steve has been spending a lot of time helping Eddie out, so I haven’t been able to lean on him as much as I did after the summer. It’s been kind of weird going through this sort of alone. But I guess I’m not anymore, 'cause I have you.
I figured you were busy with the newspaper. I would see you running through the halls right past me, not even saying a quick hello. I don’t blame you for missing me, not like I was trying to stand out anyway. We should hang out, sometimes. If you have time, that is. I don’t really have a lot of friends, especially those who I can talk to about this. What I’m trying to say is that it would be nice, I think.
So uh, here’s my number in case you don’t have it. We’re the only Buckley’s in town though so if you need to, we’re in the book.
Your friend,
Robin
(P.S. Also, thought it would be funny to greet and sign these letters as they would back then. You know, for laughs and shit.)
(P.P.S I know you already have my locker number, but it’s B102 if you forgot)
Nancy smiles as she reads the letter, immediately pulling out a piece of paper and writing a response.
I will start a tag list if anyone is interested. This will be multiple parts, I'm thinking somewhere between 5-10.
